Dealing with the heartbreak over my long-distant ex.

[You_Lost_The_Game]

Hi, I am new to the forums.

 

I decided to make an account on this website because I could really do with some help and understanding. I am dealing with the emotions over a relationship that ended some time ago with a girl the same age as me (17) who lives in Arizona, whilst I live in the UK.

 

In the past, we were originally friends who met each other in a forums, and over time we grew a really good and personal friendship with each other to the point we started adding each other on Facebook and such. We never talked to our friends much about each other, although I cooperated a lot with hers and her sisters. We had been really good friends for almost four years, and we were always there for each other, including her trying to help me deal with the stress over my family during the London Riots, because I was in Holland at the time whilst my family were behind, and also I had to help her deal with the fear of a short-lasting tornado that had hit Arizona. Which basically shows how close we were to each other as friends.

 

Over last year, we eventually began flirting and formed a long-distant relationship around Valentine's Day, and within just a handful of weeks we took it the next step and said that we loved each other, although we never really told anyone about us.

 

This relationship continued for many months, and I was incredibly happy with her. But on July, just at the start of my Summer holiday, she messaged me that she wanted to break-up, saying that she did not think she was ready for a relationship. The problem with our relationship, was that I would generally become stressed when she never came online to talk to me for a while, as sometimes she would not come often much. I tolerated at first, but over the months her absence increased to full weeks, and I would send her stressful, dramatic messages to her in the pit of confusion. This got her incredibly stressed and upset for me, and over time it became more obvious as I sent her messages, especially her wishing that I was with another girl that she was jealous of. I still can't really make my mind up whether I was actually too obsessed with her and insecure, or that it really was her fault for the stress. But she eventually broke up with me, telling me that she could not bear to hurt me anymore. Although I did understand why, I was still incredibly shocked, and failed to tolerate it, crying and begging for her back. But she remained firm, and told me that when I feel better and calm down in the next few days, we would have a good, radical talk about what we should do. She also told me, no matter what I believed she felt, she didn't care, for she still loved me. I agreed to this, and so waited a few days before very quickly recovering. We began to seek time for us both to be online and to talk, but this unfortunately never happened due to how busy she and I were, and our time zone differences. In just a week or so later, she had to leave to see her grandparents in Flagstaff. She told me that we will talk when she could. I knew that she had been looking forward all year to go there, so I told her that I will leave her alone to enjoy herself, and that we can talk when you're ready after she returned home.

 

When she came back however, she never messaged me, and never talked to me. I continued to wait for about a week or so, but I never got any messages from her. I became stressed, and messaged her sister if she was there. Her sister ended up persuading me to reluctantly tell her about our relationship and all, and thankfully she said that she understood, and that her sister would never do anything to avoid someone. She then started talking to her, and got her to come online and talk to me. But seem reluctant, and so I told her that I was sorry if I was too obsessed with her in our relationship, and I wasn't like that at all, and I can be a better person. I then told her that if she wanted us to give our relationship another shot, then I am ready, but if she felt like it's time to move on, then I will understand. In reply however, she did rather agree unsure to my apology, she then said that she had to go, and left, never replying to my message for the next few weeks besides a few irrelevant questions to how I was doing, but she always avoided full conversations. I continued to wait for her, sure that she was thinking about what I had said. But over time I just got driven more and more into stress and depression through all the wait, reassuring myself that she would talk to me when she felt ready, always reminding myself from the things she told me when we broke up.

 

But eventually things went from weeks to almost more than a month, and I had enough of the stress. So I messaged her, asking her if we could talk, and that I'm sorry if I had somehow got you into avoiding me. She replied rather aggressively, and after a while she started saying how much she hated drama (she REALLY hated drama), and that how she felt that dealing with me was repetitive and irritating, and that going to her grandparents and experiencing a week without me was a taste of freedom from what it felt like not dealing with me, and now she really really wanted to move on. Although I was hurt, I told her the next day that I did understand and reflected how. We started talking, but it wasn't exactly how I wanted, as we were pretty much just messaging each other over different times of the next few days. She was glad I understood, but then started telling me that she did start to avoid me after she came back, believing that I would eventually realize this and leave her alone. This got me upset, and we dragged ourselves into a stressful argument. I told her that we should stop, and that this it too much for us. She asked what did I want us to do, so I said that we should go our separate ways, and maybe in the future we can look back and laugh about this. She never messaged me, but we did it anyway, and that night I cried, but I got over it eventually.

 

Over the next week, I invited her to a game on Facebook, which she joined and we both greeted each other. In hopes of a friendship in the future, I told her a joke about her new profile picture, which she laughed a lot about. This raised my hopes, and although for some reason she never played the game after that message, and the game eventually just closed itself down after a week. On the same day of that week, I asked how she felt about a friendship, and the next day she replied rather aggressively, telling me how fed and tired she was at dealing with this 'drama' that I was imposing, and politely told me to 'F off'. This got me incredibly upset, so I had enough of it. I unfriended her, her friends, and her family. Although I sent one of her friends a message why, because she was rather close to me, but it was a very dramatic message, and she never knew about our relationship. Then I sent another to her sister, telling her that I was fed up with the stress I've been going through for her, and that maybe hopefully in the future, my ex would apologize to me. Her sister however, told me ex this, and this made her furious. The next week, I received incredibly angry messages from her, telling me that I should be the one to apologize, and telling me that the friend had been messaging her constantly at night, asking if she was feeling okay. She was so furious, never in my life had I seen her this angry. She began swearing at me, telling me to leave her alone, telling me that her sister had been calling me dramatic and creepy, telling me how much she wanted to just scream in anger. I was not really in the mood myself, as I had just spent a whole week struggling to move on, so I replied immediately, and we got into a massive, furious argument. We were yelling and screaming at each other, and eventually I couldn't take it anymore, so I blocked her. Despite the way it ended, the anger I had for her was too much to care for her, so I felt like I could finally move on.

 

My friend however, who had witnessed the months of stress I had gone through for this girl, started to message my ex's sister, telling her the depression and heartbreak I had been going through for her, and that he felt that my ex was almost taking pleasure out of all of this. The sister was rather furious, and yelled at him, telling him that I had been extremely creepy, and that she was assured that her sister was taking no pleasure out of this at all. My friend told me what he had done, and this changed my anger heavily into guilt, feeling that I may have been more responsible and to blame for all of this. So I decided to do the mature thing and send her and her sister a message. I sent her sister at how truly sorry I was for dragging her into all of this, and how sorry I was for being creepy. I told her that I wanted to thank her for the four years of friendship we have had together, and I so on. She replied the next day with a thank you, and said that she hoped that I can have a good new life, so I was glad for that.

 

As for my ex, I could not send her my message, as I had learnt to no surprise that she had blocked me. So I sent her a friend request to get her attention, and she told me to leave her alone. I said that I understood, and told her that I wanted to tell her something, and she asked what it was, so I told her similar stuff that I was truly sorry for my part in the bad things that I am responsible for, and that I wanted to thank her for the four years of friendship, including the riots, and the happiness she had given me in our relationship, and said that I will use my mistakes for the next girl I would be with.

 

It's been a week now, and she hasn't replied to it, but it did say that she had seen it last week. I don't really mind to be honest, as I did tell her that she didn't have to reply to it, and that I just wanted my message to be a mature and happy end to us.

 

I am sorry for the long essay, but I have been enduring all of this struggle for almost four months now, when I only wanted her to tell me what was in her mind, and I am currently a mess. I encountered this website, and found many members sharing similar issues and stress, and I felt that these forums will help me. I had only recently today received a notification of a guy somewhat flirting (or simply teasing/complimenting) my ex's old profile pic, one that I had commented on a year ago, which is why I received the notification. I felt like I had been doing well at first, but after seeing this notification I have thrown myself back into depression, and I still think of her everyday, mostly for the things that she made me happy for during our relationship and friendship. And I can't help but constantly find ways to blame myself for all the bad things that have happened, and what truly stresses me is how this modest, kind, and really amazing girl had just changed over her visit to her grandparents to this...well....excessive bitch. This really sucks. :/

 

Thank you for reading.

[spaniard]

Sorry for the dumb question, but have you ever meet her personally?

[You_Lost_The_Game]

Sorry for the dumb question, but have you ever meet her personally?

 

That's completely fine.

 

Not entirely, no. Like I said, we met on a forums and grew a four year long friendship. But despite never really meeting each other in person, we knew each other very personally. Perhaps more then other friends. We would talk a lot about our lives, and I have witnessed her bear through two relationships before which have ended in heart break. We have also done webcams with each other a lot, and she would occasionally go to a friends house to talk to me over the Xbox. Last Christmas and Valentines, we did tend to send each other cards and gifts.

 

We were also planning for me to save money and travel to Arizona to meet her during the Summer, but because of the break-up it never happened, which is probably another reason why she may have broken up with me, out of stress of meeting me in person and everything backfiring.

Edited November 15, 2012 by You_Lost_The_Game

[You_Lost_The_Game]

I really could do with some help. I'm getting this horroble desire to just beg fot her back, and I known it will just end in diseaster...

[8542sd]

At first stop blaming yourself. And yup it pains alot I know because I m going through this presently. My bf broke up with me just because he is moving abroad for his studies and he is AFRAID that he may fall for a more b'ful or more caring girl there.Can you think about anything more frustating and heartbreaking thing than this for the person who is ditched?

dear,this happens everywhere in d world with almost all sorts of people.

I understand how much u might be missing the happy times with her ,when she cared for you,when u shared your problems with her,when a smile used to come to ur face when ever u saw her online..... but whatever happened at the end is a sad truth.

I would suggest you to talk and mix up with people like you.Rest only time can heal. You can talk to me whenever you feel like that.

[8542sd]

And for god's sake don't beg her back. Rather beg god to reward you with a person who would truly love you unconditionaly . I can bet god would respond better than your ex.

[mano]

just please stop thinking of getting her back, she may have been there for you for four years but now she is just not that same person anymore , trust me dude u deserve someone a lot better than her, n don't worry u will find that special someone, i know the stress and anticipation u have been through,. waiting for weeks for just a reply from her, trust me i have been through it, a long distance relationship, this relation of yours is just not healthy for u, go out meet new people, it will definitely take time but u will see u made the right choice by letting go

[You_Lost_The_Game]

Sorry about the late reply, but thank you for your replies. My recent comment was out of insane stress.

 

I suppose I am gradually improving. Though I have not blocked her or anyone I know, and that friend of hers that was fairly close to me remains in my friends list, and we do talk a lot, though she gladly does not want to get involved with the situation with me and my ex, though she is very sorry about what has happened. I'm not really sure if she knows if me and my ex were in a relationship or anything, only that we've seriously bucked at each others heads.

 

I am gradually improving, and I would not dare to even look at my ex's profile picture, though we remain unfriended. Though I do remain to spend days thinking of her, and as much as I hate it and try to resist, I do keep wishing for her back.

 

I do do as much socializing as I can, but I mostly receive stress whenever I'm all alone, especially during the evenings. As for 8542sd, I am very sorry to hear about your relationship. Mixing with people who are going through similar experiences I feel will really help with my morale. Whenever I am most stressed, I do look around these forums to see what other people are going through, and it does make me feel a lot better. I suppose what really hurts about all of this is the idea that how almost flawless our friendship/relationship was. We would sacrifice ourselves rather than hurting one another, and now we're pretending that neither of us exist, and whenever we do, we're at each other's throats. If I do feel stressed 8542sd, then I would like to be comfortable to message you if you welcome it. (Although I am not entirely sure how private messaging works here.)