domple Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Hey a couple of months ago I wrote down what I want in a life partner, I wrote down around 20 things and BAM a month later on eHarmony I met her. Out of around 20 things... 18 things matched. The only ones not matching we for her to be my height (shes 3sm taller but that doesnt bother me) and at least healthy (as in weight proportion... not a model just healthy), shes a big girl BUT prior to meeting her shes loosing the weight and has a goal to be a size 12 so im ok with that. She literally matches everything else, religious beliefs, values... I even put down that she hasnt been with tonnes of guys (im 31 and shes 28) and she was only ever with 1 guy...basically shes everythign I would want and shes really into me. Now here comes the issue. The problem is... ME. I like her, we have kissed but I cant seem to get close to her, I dont get it. Last night we had dinner and all I could think was, meh. I am not a player I am a simple nice guy. Shes ambitious, forward thinking and everythign I have ever dreamed, even down to her looks (bar being overweight for now). The only thing I can think is that shes not as fun as I would liek her to be. Not saying sex ( shes explained shes only been with one man and doesnt want to jump the sack and I get that). Like we can do whatever but has to be home by 10, if we do kiss she gets uncomfortable after a while and in one case my arm grazzed her boob and she physcially pushed me away. I just feel that we are not connecting and its comming from her side as she has these walls as I am trying to get to know her (and she even asked me to come to europe with her). Any advice, its weird as I LIKE AND WANT to hear from here and hang out but when we are togther I feel like shes a pumpkin and has to be home before midnight or if we start to get close... BAM.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Well, physical / sexual compatibility is a very important aspect of getting a happy and healthy relationship off the ground. It doesn't sound like you've been overly pushy with her. Maybe the two of you just don't "match" in that way? I think you should be "feeling it" around the kissing and making out - not necessary that you be having sex now. But if the kissing is not going well, I'm concerned … And why does a 28 year old woman need to be home by 10?
MissBee Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Don't get hung up on her being your "dream girl". How long have you known her? Be open to this possibly being an issue and you possibly having to go back to the drawing board. Sometimes people want to invest in some person they have decided is their dream person (when they only know them superficially) and ignore the deeper ways in which they may not even be compatible.
alexandria35 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 That's one of the drawbacks of having a list. You can meet someone who checks every box yet still not have chemistry with that person. There's something abstract about chemistry and it's kind of hard to order it up on a dating site. If you meet someone and the chemistry isn't there then it ain't there and you can't force it. So even though she meets a lot of your standards it just doesn't sound like this is developing into a great love. Then again maybe you need to rework your dream list. You said you wish she was more fun. Well maybe you need to add outgoing or spontaneous to your list. In the meantime you can maybe find out more about this girl and what's standing in the way. She has only been with one man. Was that a serious relationship? Was she deeply hurt when it ended and how long ago did it end. If she is still in some kind of pain over her past it could be that she's just not ready to open up to a new person yet.
charlietheginger Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 She could be a "good girl" Meaning no sex untill marriage Or into a serious commitment Lots of good girls exist For them a kiss on the lips Is all your gonna get UNLESS You send flowers to her work Sweet messages Even small gifts Walk in a park You have to really work her With magic show you care None of this "i bought you dinner i need poosie"
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