KNJ Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 By ex broke up with me two weeks ago. He was 33 I am 22 () We were together for four amazing years. (Now I wished I had never met him) He told me OVER THE PHONE when we argued that he didn't think this relationship was for him. We were too different (I am oriental and he is black), but we have the same culture (both live in the same country), and the most hurtful thing anyone could ever say to me.... the ultimately... I DO NOT LOVE YOU ANYMORE, I LOVE YOU AS A FRIEND cliché. To me there is NO turning back after that. How could I wish for him to come back to me? Even if I did, he wouldn't as the love has gone. I read these threads religiously like it was my bible, and sometimes I envy the relationships where you know or can see that there are some possibilities of getting back together. I know that my situation is hopeless. I begin to wonder....if he who said he loves me, wanted to marry me, have children and live together for ever and ever and would ALWAYS love me, then says he doesn't. Was it ever real love to begin with????? I doubt it. If anyone could posts that they have or know of a similar situation it would brighten my very dark soul. Feeling unloved and unwanted is the most hideous feeling. I never took for granted our 'love' and what we had, but I do take for granted for feeling happy again.
KatZee Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Yup, my ex and I dealt with this. He pursued me in the beginning RELENTLESSLY. He would sing my praises to anyone who would listen. His friends, his family. He was so happy he said. I was unlike any woman he had ever met. He never loved his ex the way he loved me. Would do anything for me. Saw marriage with me, living with me. The whole 9 yards. He was like the epitome of perfect boyfriend. I was so happy, so in love, couldn't believe I had met someone like him, couldn't believe how lucky I had been. Over time pieces of his personality started to trickle through what I now knew was a facade. Red flags were flying all over the place but I still stayed because of how amazing our first year together was. At two years he confessed to cheating with his ex. The ex who he talked SO much s.hit about. The ex he hadn't loved for years, the one who made him miserable, blah blah blah. It was never the same after that, it's like he just stopped giving a crap about me and the relationship. He became emotionally abusive, three separate occasions he was telling me how he didn't think he wanted to be with me anymore, that he wasn't happy and that I HAD to change or else he would dump me. All of our problems stemmed from HIM. And his infidelity, and the fact he lacked any and all empathy for what I was going through. Everything was always my fault, my problem, my behavior was wrong, how I acted around his friends was wrong, he couldn't and didn't want a girlfriend like me. Forget everything I did for him for almost three years. How I supported him, cared for him, loved him, remained faithful to him, surprised him out of the blue with small gifts on occasion, loaned him money, picked him up drove him places when he was drunk, waited for him for a year and a half when he moved out of state to get his 2nd degree, how much I sacrificed myself, compromised my values, and completely lost myself in that relationship. Everything I did for him meant nothing. After I found out about the infidelity a lot of things started coming to light. When he was singing my praises, he was cheating. When we were on vacation with my family, apparently he was so miserable with me, when we were on vacation with HIS family, he was weeks out from cheating on me with his ex. The whole relationship became a lie to me. Everything I thought we had? A lie. he was a great actor but I will never for one second believe he truly loved me. I will never look back on these years of my life with fondness. I will never say, "awww we had great years together." I regret ever meeting him. I regret staying with him as long as I did. I regret pretty much everything I've done for him, and how much I sacrificed of myself. So yep. I feel you. I'm 6 months post split and I'm so much happier without him and I'm so glad him and his drama is no longer a part of my life.
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