natwilliams Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Is there really a clear difference between actually dating someone and friends with benefits or is it kind of a blurry line? Besides how does a guy go about getting a friends with benefits relationship with a girl? Do you court a girl as if you're dating but just make it less romantic and more sexually suggestive? Do you take her home during the day rather than at night?
mammasita Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 you let her know from the beginning that you're not looking for a relationship or anything more than a hook up. If you court her she'll get the wrong idea. 1
plainjane79 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Is there really a clear difference between actually dating someone and friends with benefits or is it kind of a blurry line? Besides how does a guy go about getting a friends with benefits relationship with a girl? Do you court a girl as if you're dating but just make it less romantic and more sexually suggestive? Do you take her home during the day rather than at night? I no longer "do" FWBs after being seriously hurt in the past, mostly in my mid 20's. But in my experience, FWBs for me started when I jumped into bed pretty quickly with a guy (first time we met, generally) or when I met someone in a situation unsuited for a long-term thing (i.e. a study abroad colleague, who ended up moving to my city afterwards, and a long drawn out miserable situation ensued...but I digress.) Sometimes we ONLY met for sex, some (study abroad guy for instance) we didn't communicate much or see each other much but when we did it was date-style (movies, dinner, chatting, meeting each other's friends and roommates, etc.) always followed by going back to his place and doing the nasty (and also always followed by sleeping over and breakfast the next day :-/.) We often didn't discuss where things were headed from the beginning, but it became pretty evident after a few weeks that the relationship wasn't "growing" (few phone calls, few texts, hanging out once a week or every other week.) BUT as I grow older and wiser I now believe in making it clear from the get-go (or at the very least, AFTER first-sex) that you are not looking for anything serious. That way, nobody gets hurt and if they do, it's their own fault for not being careful.
Ami1uwant Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Is there really a clear difference between actually dating someone and friends with benefits or is it kind of a blurry line? Besides how does a guy go about getting a friends with benefits relationship with a girl? Do you court a girl as if you're dating but just make it less romantic and more sexually suggestive? Do you take her home during the day rather than at night? Usually FWB relationship comes out of a long friendship where each seems to have a dry spell in a relationship so they are willing to have sex to satisfy each others need...since you know the person and know their qualities you feel you could trust them should things happen. You know their sex history so you know they are"safe" in terms of STDs. For others they do this because they know they are just too busy for amy LTR or they know they see themelves moving in the next yr or so. They also have a comfort level with this person that when they do have time to do something they have fun in their company.
rocketman122 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I dont know how people do it. I know that as a man, I guess I should be jumping on a chance for a free lunch but how the hell do you walk away after. "alright cya" and thats it? crap, I would not be able to sleep after just walking away. but im also not desperate to get any. there was this woman from OLD that asked me if I would do her a "favor" and I almost did it...something very erotic of just doing it with someone you hardly know. but at the end, I couldnt bring myself to do it. I didnt meet with her..I would have such a guilty conscience after..
Author natwilliams Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Can there be a middle ground where you go one dates and to parties with someone casually but kinda just for company, not like each other soul mate. And then along with that have casual sex? Isn't that what a lot of people call dating these days anyway?
veggirl Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Can there be a middle ground where you go one dates and to parties with someone casually but kinda just for company, not like each other soul mate. And then along with that have casual sex? Isn't that what a lot of people call dating these days anyway? That *is* fwb / casual dating. No plans for the long term. That's not dating someone though. Dating someone is to see if things develop in a real relationship.
rocketman122 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 That *is* fwb / casual dating. No plans for the long term. That's not dating someone though. Dating someone is to see if things develop in a real relationship. with an intention of making it to something LTR. if youre going with the mindset (the OP) of "lets just flow with it and see what happens" but in the back of your mind youre thinking you just want to shoot a load and go home then youre just leading a person on. when I date I dont lead or play with a person emotions. if I know that I dont want to continue dating and she does, I wont take advantage of that knowing that I can get her clothes off. morals and values buddy..go to a whore house and get an old fashioned if you need to relieve stress.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 FWB can be great if you like to keep your own life and still have some company occasionally. I am having my first ever FWB in early 30s, and to be honest it suits my personality much more that a regular relationship.You can pursue your own career and friends, family etc + date others and still get some regular sex. When in regular relationship, ALL my other areas of life were negatively impacted. It just demanded a ton of my time and energy. The way this guy went about it is, few dates as normal (I think 3 or 4). Then - he initiated a talk about how he doesn't know what he wants or if he wants to be in a relationship or not. He also said that he wants to keep seeing me. Then we jointly came to the conclusion it's best to have a FWB arrangement. This was before the first time sex. He wanted to be honest before sex and I very much appreciate the fact that he did. He risked ruining his chances of getting laid. Most guys would happily lead you on. It involves dates once a week or fortnight, some light texting in between, sleep overs and breakfast :/ Cuddling, hand holding etc like a normal couple.
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