CBlasek Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Hey all. Thanks for reading this. I really need some help. Let me give you a little history here. We are both 19. We started hanging out in April and this girl truly became my best friend.I told her how much I loved her and all. We dated for two weeks and than called it off because she did not know what she wanted. I told her to figure it out. We remained friends and I still love her. She was so nice/compasionate. But I made a fatal mistake. I lied to her and continued to lie to her. She than found out it was a lie. As soon as she brought it up, I told her the truth about everything. People have used me in the past and I thought she was the same. But I was obviously wrong and I am such a a**h***. After I told her about it all, we didnt talk for a week. I kept calling her voicemail and leaving her messages. This week I saw her once and we drove to work togethor, we work at the same camp, but it was awkward. I would do anything for her. I just want our friendship back. I love her so much and my life has been hell these past two weeks without her. I know I hurt her and would do anything to take it away. I have considered suicide over this and it wouldnt help anything. I once told her before leaving for a trip I would give her the sun the moon and the stars, well I bought those glow ones and gave it to her when she dropped me off at the airport. When all this started, I got her a star from the National Star Registry. I am so in love with her. I am usually uptight around people and hate talking to them, but I am nothing like that around her. ANY IDEAS OF HOW TO GET HER BACK AS FAR FETCHED AS THEY ARE I WILL DO! PLEASE. Thanks
Author CBlasek Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 I lied about my past. I told her I was still working at a job that I quit from. I didnt want her to know that I was unemployed. I also lied about a friend of mine, I told her we were better friends than what we were. I know this sounds bad, but I also lied about my health, I told her I was sick as a young'n and had heart surgery, I was going to, but didnt. I did this as a excuse for my weight, I was pretty big, but am losing it now for me. I was 290 and so out of shape, now im 240. Trust is very big to her. But all of my "friends" were only after me for what they could get out of me. She is the first not to be.
honey2005 Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 But all of my "friends" were only after me for what they could get out of me. She is the first not to be. Maybe you should tell her that. But since you did lie to her, it will probably take her a while to get over it.
Author CBlasek Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 I did tell her that. I understand it will take time. It is definately the worst mistake I have ever made. I would do anything to just see/talk to her. I would do anything and I mean anything. I sent her a teddy bear and balloons. I was even thinking about getting the kids she teaches at the camp to all sing to her or something. I love her so much.
Rentz Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 You know what...everyone lies. Men and women. Big lies, little lies, white lies, man...even elected officials, clergy, doctors, lawyers, CEOs. That's no excuse though. But what you do have to ask yourself is WHY people lie. In my experience telling lies and being the unfortunate believer of lies I have figured out that most lies revolve around one thing. Fear. Fear of not being accepted for who you really are. And you know why those lies about yourself keep on getting reinforced (why you keep lying)?...because there ARE people out there that are judgmental and superficial that will not accept you for who you are. We live in a world full of pressure to maintain appearances. And failure to maintain them leads other people to disappointment. Hence, people lie! Women will lie about how many men they've slept with so as not to appear slutty. But that is why we have to do away with our double standard for men and women. Men will lie about the kinds of jobs and cars they have so that they appear to have more status. (If you're interested in this stuff...read articles on evolutionary psychology...it will blow your mind!) You need to tell her this. You are insecure and you feel that you will not be accepted for all of your flaws and mistakes. Be vulnerable with her...let her know about your fears. Ask her if she had ever told lies to not disappoint someone? Relate it to her own experience and self awareness and see if she feels empathy. The trick is finding someone that will accept you and you accept them. If she is a person that accepts you then there is not need for lies. I am telling you...the tendency to lie starts with the way your parents deal with you and then how other people treat you as you grow up. The fear of not being accepted or good enough. If this advice doesn't work then she is not ready to accept a person with flaws who is truly sorry about what they did. There is nothing you can do. But there are people out there that will. Good luck!
honey2005 Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Rentz's advice is REALLY good, I was even thinking about getting the kids she teaches at the camp to all sing to her or something. and that sounds so sweet!
Author CBlasek Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 RENTZ Holy ****. Thank you so much. I think I will do that. Im also going to talk to her tribe tommorow to see. I might get them to all write a card since they are 2nd graders saying please forgive him or something.
Rentz Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 No problem. I just hope that my experiences (good and bad) can help other people. I have also read up a lot in psychology books. If you're interested in REAL research on close relationships I recommend buying: Close Relationships: A Sourcebook by Clyde Hendrick & Susan S. Hendrick It has some technical "psychy" terms and ideas but I still think you can learn a lot even if you're not a psychology student. By the way, I am not the author of that book...I wouldn't plug my book shamelessly. Thanks for the compliment Honey2005!
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