dyzfunctioned Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Just needed to get this out somewhere... We were together for almost 3 years. We recently took a 2 month trip and were on top of the world. Things had never been better and we made plans to move in together, etc. Fast forward to a few weeks after the trip and were having issues connecting like we used to but we worked it out and things were going pretty well again. Fast forward again and she tells me a guy she knows told her he has feelings for her. She told him she loved me and had no desire to be with anyone else, but she remained friends with him. I didn't do much as I trusted her and as long as things were one-way I wasn't too concerned. In hindsight I wish I handled this differently but there's a lot of things I wish I could change. Then she went away for a weekend with some friends and she comes back and were super happy to see each other. However, I come to see her one day and she's visibly upset and I make her talk to me about it. We've had on/off issues over intimacy in our relationship but aside from that everything was pretty damn good. Turns out this guy she knows, even though nothing had or will happen between them, made her realize our relationship was missing something she needed. This caught me so unaware... I mean we had an issue but were working on it. I'm devastated. On one hand I understand why she broke up with me and don't blame her for doing it if something just wasn't working. But on the other hand I'm furious because she says 99% of things were better than she could have imagined and she wished she wasn't being so selfish... And she has a number of problems that I've dealt with without complaint including issues with drinking, some mental health stuff. I've dealt with hell for her at times and to think that someone who I loved so much could leave me over one problem when I've dealt with so many is heartbreaking. I've started to try to accept what's happened. I've started limiting contact already. But it doesn't make it any easier. In the span of maybe 3 months we went from being the best we've ever been, from planning on moving in, and even from discussing marriage at times to one guy making her feel like something was missing and breaking up. I know she wasn't perfect but I accepted all her shortcomings because when we were together and things were going good things were incredible. And even when things were bad we always made it work. And for some reason this time she just didn't want to make it work. I just wish she could have accepted me for who I am the way I accepted her. She says she still loves me like crazy and this is so hard for her but she didn't think she could accept the intimacy issues. And I can't blame her for that. But man is it hard to try to move on from a relationship where you were both deeply in love, connected emotionally, and had big plans for the future and realize that because you couldn't give them something it's over. Thanks for listening. I know I'm not the only one out there hurting
nvmx-5 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Holy crap, this is exactly what happened to me. The thing is that there is NOTHING you can do about it. just read my post on the broke NC because I assume my ex is with the guy that she works with and become friends with when we were together. Best thing you can do is try to stop thinking about her by keeping yourself busy
Author dyzfunctioned Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Thanks ill check out your thread. I know for a fact she's not going to get with that guy. But what I've also come to realize is regardless, the guy doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who or what made her realize I wasn't the right guy, the fact is something did. And I can't change that.
nvmx-5 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Thanks ill check out your thread. I know for a fact she's not going to get with that guy. But what I've also come to realize is regardless, the guy doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who or what made her realize I wasn't the right guy, the fact is something did. And I can't change that. Yeah man I was in your shoes, and we're talking about 6 weeks ago. Don't get me wrong it does hurt, you will feel like you're alone, and you feel like you failed like a man at times. It's ok just TRY to stop thinking about her and keep yourself busy. She'll notice what changes you've made and want to know more about you. If she doesn't (like my ex) that means that she never really cared about you to begin with.
puzzled1 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Wow, SAME EXACT thing happened to me. Every single detail you said was how we were. I stopped talking to her, I stopped asking for anything. I stopped all contact. She texted me yesterday and asked if I am done with her for good? (she dumped me) I told her that she broke my heart and that we are done. You need to cut all ties with her because if you dont it will hurt you like hell. Block her from your facebook, delete her phone number, take out the pictures you guys had together. Hope is what kills, dont "expect" that she will not be with the guy from work because thats what happened to me. I saw a picture from snooping around on her FB and it was devastating. Just focus on yourself and I promise you, you will be better! Go work out and run! That helps me so much, I have been working out everyday since we broke up. Also, hang out with friends and try to occupy yourself with stuff. Hope you feel better man. That **** honestly sucks!
puzzled1 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Oh and on another note, Ive read your previous thread and the "low sex drive" was on her part. I was always ready to get it on LOL One quote I live by is, "everything happens for a reason". Imagine if you were married and something like this happened. Or if you were living together and had a joint bank account or even kids. Just put your chin up and move on with your life.
Author dyzfunctioned Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 I know I can't really make any guarantees that they won't get together but she's always been completely honest with me and she told me she's not looking to jump into another relationship and that she hates this guy for making her feel that way and bringing about the end of our relationship. But yea, I asked her if we could meet up this weekend. Going to talk to her and tell her if this is what she really wants then we need to be completely done - take back her stuff, not text me, etc.
Author dyzfunctioned Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Oh and on another note, Ive read your previous thread and the "low sex drive" was on her part. I was always ready to get it on LOL One quote I live by is, "everything happens for a reason". Imagine if you were married and something like this happened. Or if you were living together and had a joint bank account or even kids. Just put your chin up and move on with your life. The low sex drive was on me. I couldn't separate emotion from sex and as such when things were great for us I was good to go all the time... Soon as things hit a slump that would be the first thing to go for me. Yea, I know it's not the end of the world and am trying to accept it. It's just tough to lose someone who meant so much.
LostOne1 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 scary how this is similar to what happened to me 3yrs, 1 month of distance away, new guy friend trying to comfort her and tells her later he likes her. I wonder if that's why my ex was so mad? This new guy came in and she realized something was missing between us and that's why she broke up? TO be honest, I'll never know if she was with someone else or planning or if it was just a emotional break down from being so far away for a bit and me not contacting her as much. But I feel for you man. It's best to let it be. I tried hard for 2 months to work it out after the BU, and things got better to a point where she did say she wanted to work it out. Then a few days later when we are supposed to meet she changes her mind. Basically leads me on.... So either she doesn't know what she wants or as she tells me she is confused. Her hearts says one thing and her mind another. And I guess her heart isn't strong enough to side with me. All I will say is see if she wants to work it out, if she says no, then no NC and move on. I wish I had used NC the day after we BU, but I didn't and that's my biggest regret. Talking with someone who is angry just doesn't work it seems and my ex has huge anger issues.
Author dyzfunctioned Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Glad I'm not alone in this. Yea, I'm meeting her this weekend and basically saying if she's sure she's done with this relationship then we need to go NC.
LostOne1 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 The low sex drive was on me. I couldn't separate emotion from sex and as such when things were great for us I was good to go all the time... Soon as things hit a slump that would be the first thing to go for me. Yea, I know it's not the end of the world and am trying to accept it. It's just tough to lose someone who meant so much. it is.. I mean i made marriage plans too, a future with her, we went to school for many years together. Basically her 2 month work trip killed it for us. Contact became limited and a new guy came in the picture that started doing stuff for her, and since I'm not there to do stuff I guess it made her feel like my bf isn't here for me but this guy is... so she had comfort. It's really tough man, but at some point I accepted it's over. Though I still miss her at times, there are days when I have a bad day and I think of her, because she was there for me through tough days to talk and all. But overall I feel like there is no chance, and I have given up now. Sure I want to contact her, but I realize it will bring no good. She will tell me where is my self respect and probably that she doesn''t want to be with someone like me etc... Funny thing is we watched ALL the twilight movies together and the last one we will never get to see together is coming out tmrw. She was a huge twilight fan, it makes me wonder if she will remember me when she goes to see it. I only went to the movies because of her and spending time with her. Normally I don't go to the movies anymore. I rather watch it at home in my own comfort Just remember man.... life goes on. Sometimes we have no control over things and that's when it feels tough.
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