Conscience Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 She broke it off last Thursday, I didn't contact her for one week, Then I sent her a text yesterday asking her if we could talk, she said yes. I offered to meet and she suggested lunch on Friday. Then we started texting and she basically emptied her bag I guess it’s her frustration that was bottled up and she told me how she felt and it helped me realize how much of a douche I was! And I regret that! I told her I was sorry and told her how much she meant to me. She gave me clear indications that the door was still opened. I ask her if I could come over to talk in person her response “No. not tonight” I ask if there was still a chance for us, her answer “Right now, I’m sorry to hurt you but no” After apologizing she said “What does it take to get through to you?” “Just like you don’t know why you sent that nasty email a few weeks ago. How many times do I have to put up with this **** before you get it?” She told me that she needed to get back to work and offered to call her that night, I ask her if she still wanted to meet on Friday and she said yes, I then told her I wouldn’t be calling her that night and that I would see her on Friday. I don’t know if I’m thinking irrationally here but it gives me the impression that she leaving a door open? I think I have to give her space for her to heal and think about if she wants to be back or not, in the mean time I was thinking of maybe reaching out to her maybe once a week?
Chi townD Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 “Right now, I’m sorry to hurt you but no” After apologizing she said “What does it take to get through to you?” “Just like you don’t know why you sent that nasty email a few weeks ago. How many times do I have to put up with this **** before you get it?” Dude, that's the nail in the coffin. She's basically telling you that it's over and for you to buy a clue and stop bothering her. I think that it would be best that you didn't meet on friday and for you to walk away with a little dignity saying that you get it. Before she totally loses all respect for you. I actually think that if you cancel your meeting on friday, she wouldn't fight for it at all and would probably be a relief for her. Time to heal and move on dude. Hold your head up high and walk away. Start working on making positive changes in your life. New clothes, new hair style, going to the gym regularly. Go back to school. Travel and have an adventure, meet up with old friends. STAY BUSY! 1
curiouslyhuman Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Not much to go on from this post but... She seems emotionally unstable with the breakup and doesnt know what the right choices are. Telling you that you are "dense" with some of her comments but still wanting a lunch date to talk, to me, sounds like she's undecided. She might want to hear more when she is willing to hear more, and doesnt want you to be forceful. But remember that she broke up with you and you should be the one calling the shots, unless you did something dealbreakerish* like cheating. The fact is if you keep succumbing to what she wants, she knows she has power over you, and if you didnt do anything technically wrong, then she's abusing that because you are hurt. If she wasnt perfect, and usually no one is, dont let yourself fall into the "trample zone" where she can just walk over your emotions when she feels like it. I dont think you are irrational, but just make sure things are set very clearly on your date if possible, then back off till she contacts you if she still "needs time".
veggirl Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 What part made you feel like she is leaving the door open? She said "no" like 4 times in your post alone... I think it'd be in your best interest NOT to bring up getting back together again at this point. You look like you are chasing her. Why did you guys break up? and you sent a nasty email afterwards?
Author Conscience Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Dude, that's the nail in the coffin. She's basically telling you that it's over and for you to buy a clue and stop bothering her. I think that it would be best that you didn't meet on friday and for you to walk away with a little dignity saying that you get it. Before she totally loses all respect for you. I actually think that if you cancel your meeting on friday, she wouldn't fight for it at all and would probably be a relief for her. Time to heal and move on dude. Hold your head up high and walk away. Start working on making positive changes in your life. New clothes, new hair style, going to the gym regularly. Go back to school. Travel and have an adventure, meet up with old friends. STAY BUSY! There is allot of text messages that are missing in here, before she said what do i need to do to get through to you, that was in a context where I was appologizing how stupid I was .... she didn't say that as a result of where over but more objectivally. The fact that she told me everything that she needed to say and still wanted to go for lunch Friday is a open door. Also we have a mutual friend that is a coworker that asked her is she was willing to walk away and she said she didn't know.
Author Conscience Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Not much to go on from this post but... She seems emotionally unstable with the breakup and doesnt know what the right choices are. Telling you that you are "dense" with some of her comments but still wanting a lunch date to talk, to me, sounds like she's undecided. She might want to hear more when she is willing to hear more, and doesnt want you to be forceful. But remember that she broke up with you and you should be the one calling the shots, unless you did something dealbreakerish* like cheating. The fact is if you keep succumbing to what she wants, she knows she has power over you, and if you didnt do anything technically wrong, then she's abusing that because you are hurt. If she wasnt perfect, and usually no one is, dont let yourself fall into the "trample zone" where she can just walk over your emotions when she feels like it. I dont think you are irrational, but just make sure things are set very clearly on your date if possible, then back off till she contacts you if she still "needs time". My intentions for our Friday lunch is to thread lighly and be friendly and just talk about possitive things, personally I don't feel the need to say anything more about the relasionship the ball is in her camp at this point. If she leans towards talking about it ill ask her if we can just enjoy our time and if she as unresolved feelings we can schedule some time to talk about it?? I sent her some flowers for Friday morning with no strings attached with a card, basically appologizing for acting like a d*** last Wednesday. There is a perfect reason why I did that, two other girls at her work received flowers last Friday and she told them "Where are mine in a joking way" I know there is a litle truth to it and that shoud releive some of the emotional presure. Then after the Friday lunch I will take a step back and send her an email once a week to just say "Hi and have a good day" to show her I still care?
Author Conscience Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 What part made you feel like she is leaving the door open? She said "no" like 4 times in your post alone... I think it'd be in your best interest NOT to bring up getting back together again at this point. You look like you are chasing her. Why did you guys break up? and you sent a nasty email afterwards? Well the conversation we had yesterday via text was a back and fourth of curiosity on her part, she never said once that it was completly over but rather used words that seemed like she wasent completly done. Also the fact that a cooworker / mutual friend asked her if she was willing to leave this behind and she told her she didn't know, she aslo asked me why a acted rude and wasent nice last Wednesday before she dumped me on the Thursday. Like i said she knows where I stand and I won't mention it again! I will give her space at this point. The fact that we had a lunch planned to basically talk about us but it turns out we already done that over text but she still wants to go for lunch.... doesn't that mean that this is possitive? She could of said no when i asked her if she still wanted to go for lunch? The nasty email was an email I sent 2 weeks past and after she decided to reflect on the relasionship, she had decided to stay with me and then two weeks past and I acted up on last Wednesday and that really pissed her off and hurt her feelings so she dumped me.
Author Conscience Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Dude, that's the nail in the coffin. She's basically telling you that it's over and for you to buy a clue and stop bothering her. I think that it would be best that you didn't meet on friday and for you to walk away with a little dignity saying that you get it. Before she totally loses all respect for you. I actually think that if you cancel your meeting on friday, she wouldn't fight for it at all and would probably be a relief for her. Time to heal and move on dude. Hold your head up high and walk away. Start working on making positive changes in your life. New clothes, new hair style, going to the gym regularly. Go back to school. Travel and have an adventure, meet up with old friends. STAY BUSY! On a side note I am busy, I am fit, I have great clothes, I workout. I want to make more friends and meet new people in the near future, This is a result of seperating from my wife 2 years ago.
flitzanu Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 chi town nailed it. you're being blinded with what you want those texts to mean. honestly i'll be very surprised if she goes through with meeting you friday and doesn't give you some excuse why she can't meet up.
LostOne1 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 chi town nailed it. you're being blinded with what you want those texts to mean. honestly i'll be very surprised if she goes through with meeting you friday and doesn't give you some excuse why she can't meet up. I agree my ex did the same.. I told her we would meet on a friday for coffee. Then the time came she made up random excuses till she finally said no she doesn't want this anymore and she's not ready to meet. That's when I gave up and said **** it she's not worth it if she can't even sit down and talk. So since then we haven't talked and I don't plan on ever contacting her again. There just is no point talking to someone, who doesn't want to talk. 1
Author Conscience Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 chi town nailed it. you're being blinded with what you want those texts to mean. honestly i'll be very surprised if she goes through with meeting you friday and doesn't give you some excuse why she can't meet up. We meet Friday like planned it went well, I walked her back to her office and offered to maybe call her in a week to see how she felt and she agreed. She is sad about the situation.
Author Conscience Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 I agree my ex did the same.. I told her we would meet on a friday for coffee. Then the time came she made up random excuses till she finally said no she doesn't want this anymore and she's not ready to meet. That's when I gave up and said **** it she's not worth it if she can't even sit down and talk. So since then we haven't talked and I don't plan on ever contacting her again. There just is no point talking to someone, who doesn't want to talk. Like I said we have met today for lunch, she's obviously still upset, we clarified some stuff but I managed to keep the conversation light and somewhat fun. I offered to walk her back to her building where she works and she accepted, once there I offered to maybe give her some space and time and that maybe I could call her in a week to see how she's feeling and she agreed. There is a bit of light in the meen time im keeping busy on my end.
flitzanu Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 next stop, friendzone. people that want to be together...don't NEED to be apart and not communicate.
Mer91 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 I went through pretty much the same thing you did. Mine was a littel more complicated because she is an emotionally scarred person whos childhood was taken away by abusive parents. But anyway, dont look too deep into it you will drive yourself crazy. Also be prepared for the worse. You may realize now that you were a douche, and thats fine i did the same and yes i was a douche but then i started looking back and realizing hey she was a douche too and long before i was. Relationships are really simple, people are really simple. Its your mind and overthinking that complicates things. 1
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