wja7 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I dated this girl atleast a year ago who i can say i loved her we did everything togeather it was my first adult relationship. We worked togeather to (which i know is a silly mistake now) and things were going great until a ex of hers appeared on the scene she left me in my own bed after a romantic night out and made me sleep next to her that night and within days she was with her ex again just before christmas where i spent over £500 on her she took the presents early like it was planned now the problem was i worked with her caught the same bus to work etc and just like that she did not care one min we were lovers then she tossed me away like a used toy it destroyed me i fell into depression and had to have psychiatry sessions (my parents dont know this part) but for a whole year she came to work boasting about her new bfs infront of me like she did not care at all. i tried so hard to win her back i wrote letters bought her flowers and gifts but she just binned them well she has left my work now but left me hallow i have tried dating twice after her and i cannot trust girls even though they were perfectly faithful. i just came out of a relationship recently and it ended bad i am soooo lonely i want a gf sooo bad but i always mess it up i now have confidence issues talking to girls when i never used to i am loseing friends to because there fed up of me always mentioning it i am slowly going mad with loneliness its affected my self esteem and effecting my health to someone please help me out
PYTpisces Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 How soon did you start dating after her? It doesn't sounds like you allowed much time for you to heal from the ex. It is possible to enjoy life as a single person and just be happy with yourself. Until you reach that point then you probably won't have a healthy relationship with anyone. It's a tough pill to swallow, but it's super important to feel whole within yourself before partnering with someone.... and when you do, hopefully that person feels whole within themselves as well.
Author wja7 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 I started dating about 5 6 months after i broke up with her but how can i fix myself when i am alone i think way to much i cant be alone and not get depressed i have tried all sorts of things to keep me occupied
magnoliasoutherly Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i have tried dating twice after her and i cannot trust girls even though they were perfectly faithful. i just came out of a relationship recently and it ended bad i am soooo lonely i want a gf sooo bad but i always mess it up i now have confidence issues talking to girls when i never used to i am loseing friends to because there fed up of me always mentioning it i am slowly going mad with loneliness its affected my self esteem and effecting my health to someone please help me out That's a tough one. It will probably be a long while before you can trust women again. It's okay though. Don't think that you have to trust them. Don't think that you have to feel better right now, this very minute. Let's first do it this way. What happens when you "mess it up"? Specifics. Do you get jealous easily? Do you question them? Or is it that you remain distant. Friends are okay, but they tire of listening after a while. It's a sad thing, but there it is. The good thing is that the girl is now gone. The biggest obstacle in healing is seeing the person. You can't move on when you have to see them every single day. Now you've officially crossed over step one. Do you have the resources to maybe get counseling? Not everyone does but if so you may learn some ways to cope. Have you tried focusing on something new that enjoy? Working out, tennis, building models, or I don't know... Russian folk dancing () or anything at all? If not, try it. You need to refocus all your energy into something else. Stay away from romantic shows/movies. Say away from music or things you used to do with her. If you went clubbing, go to the library instead (yes, I mean that), if you went to your favorite restaurant, find a new one. You're welcome to PM me too. It's good that you're here though because this forum is really a good way to get a variety of feedback. 1
Author wja7 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 well when ever something they did which only sort of favoured them i would go all sarcastic thinking there just using me (thanks to said ex) when in reality it was harmless thing they wanted to do and whenever i hear stories of my exs bfs it brings me down and i flip off saying your with me now why would you care about him and well i try new things and someone would take the piss or i would loose enthusiasm for it a tryed circuit training once i loved it but then something happned and i gave it up
magnoliasoutherly Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I don't know who is telling you about her boyfriends, but tell them you don't want to hear about it anymore. If instead you are asking, stop. Don't ask. You need to get as far away mentally (and physically) as you can. If you're feeling used, you are not ready to date. It's hard, because you want that companionship, but you have an open wound and you really need to fix that part first. and someone would take the pissI don't think I know what that means. Sorry. If you lose interest then move to the next thing. I don't know what happened, but if you loved circuit training, then you need to do it or something similar.
Author wja7 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 it was the girls i was with they would tell me about the ex bfs before me and that like triggers something inside me and i start to get paranoid etc and ohhh by take the piss i mean make fun of me if that makes sence i used to play rugby years before it happned and i got laughed at by teammates so i left i was bullied at school to so i dont do well to people teaseing me
magnoliasoutherly Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 it was the girls i was with they would tell me about the ex bfs before me and that like triggers something inside me and i start to get paranoid etcStop hanging out with those girls then. If they're insensitive enough to tell you that stuff, then tell them sayonara baby. I cannot stress enough that you have to find an outlet to keep you busy.
Renard99 Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 "and someone would take the piss" I don't think I know what that means. Sorry It's a very British phrase and means to make fun of, to mock or to tease someone
magnoliasoutherly Posted November 19, 2012 Posted November 19, 2012 It's a very British phraseYeah he explained. Funny how we speak the same language, but at the same time we still don't. LOL!
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