boblet Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 40 days and 40 nights of NC.... I'm quite surprised at myself, given that I'm the type to rant on and on about how I feel.... some days are good, other days not so much. Logically, I know so many of the right things to do, don't contact, give up hope, put me first, grieve if I have to, go out, etc.... This heartbreak business is so absolutely exhausting. I keep thinking about previous heartbreaks I've had, and this recent one with my ex reminded me of the agony so much, I'd forgotten it for 2 sweet years. I wish I didn't care about how he felt, what he's thinking, what he's doing this second, if he's laying in bed thinking of me too.... I hate that everytime I get a message on my phone I anxiously check to see if it's him... This yearning in my heart to be next to him constantly plagues me throughout the day, even when I'm occupied. It concerns me that the part of my day I look forward to the most is when I have to sleep.... I hope I can turn this around one day soon... In my past experiences, I've always had to deal with finding out about the other women during or after me.... now I'm almost sure I'll find out somehow... sometimes I want to cry, and the tears won't even come. I do think I've made progress though, I don't anxiously need to message him, and my pride has been bruised so much I don't think I would muster up the guts to message first... I secretly wish he'd message me, although I told him not to. I think about the days we had over and over, the break up, how we met, what I expected.... I wonder where I'd be a year from now.. I feel so left behind... it's amazing how much things can change... how you can go from being asked "When next can I see you" to "I'm too busy"... it breaks my heart so much. Sometimes I'm so grateful for what this experience has taught me, I randomly smile to myself, all alone. I'm already exhausted of these obsessive thoughts, waking up thinking about him, going everywhere and being reminded of him... I don't even know what I'd do if I saw him, I don't even know when next I'd see him, but I hope it doesn't matter much when I do, IF I do.... I can't wait till I'm fully recovered, I remember my first serious heartbreak, how light forgiveness felt, I think it's one of the best feelings, finally letting go.... I wonder how this chapter will end for me, I look forward to being myself again.
LostOne1 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 you sound just like me... every text on the phone makes me think it might be her saying sorry and begging. And having habits of always talking to someone at night and all that.. and now not having that anymore.. But you will recover soon. I was also on the bus thinking of old heartbreaks I had.. how I felt this girl was the one. I never felt so close to any other woman before. I never had so many clues to know that she was the one... It's sad how a few mistakes can kill a relationship. But we will recover soon and all of this pain won't mean much anymore. We will have become stronger people and learned lots
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