mjw Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 there is no doubt in my mind my husband cheats all the time. I was in a bad car accident, coma, broke my back & neck. After 4 years I am close to full recovery and getting ready to leave. For some STUPID reason he does not want to get divorced. But 1) We have not slept in the same room for 2 years, 2) He always takes the bedroom, sometimes I get tired of sleeping on the couch and so I fall asleep in our bed. 3) EVERYTIME I sleep in our room he starts having sex with me...our sex life has changed dramatically..He does stuff comfortably he never did before (it is obvious he has practice) 4) Last night i woke up with half my clothes off, I was so tired I just let him do it. I realized he had his phone on and was taping personal parts of me. I was really freaked out. He is trying to rationalize his behavior and saying this is not abnormal. He is also trying to rationalize his new sex behavior by saying, "I just want to make you happy". I need feed back...(I know the answer I need to hear it)
veryhappy Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I'm so sorry you went through such a horrible accident. It's amazing you'll be able to recover and I wish you all the best. Men handle stress horribly. It's not an excuse, but if this happened in the last few years, it could be some sort of unhealthy coping reaction. It is creepy and disrespectful that he's filming you. Not to scare you more than you are, but his problems sound...significant. He might expose you to STDs, so time is important. I don't think he'll confess, but you'll get better advice from other people on how to catch him. Unless he's honest with you and there's some therapy happening with visible changes, he's not a husband I would want to keep.
Ninja'sHusband Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Maybe he has sex with you when you sleep in the bedroom because he is excited to see you! Try sleeping in the bedroom EVERY night, maybe it won't be so novel anymore. Do you have proof he is cheating? Phone records maybe?
BetrayedH Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Personally, I don't think suspicions justify a divorce. You need to be able to rest easy that you've made the right decision here. Checking his phone, phone history, internet history, financial records - those are pretty standard ways to find out around here. There are other more invasive ways, too. I used a GPS on my wife's car and caught her on the first download.
BetrayedH Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Maybe he has sex with you when you sleep in the bedroom because he is excited to see you! Try sleeping in the bedroom EVERY night, maybe it won't be so novel anymore. Do you have proof he is cheating? Phone records maybe? Agreed. Assuming you want a marriage that goes the distance, sleeping in separate places is a big time bad idea. I learned the hard way. Sleep apnea on my end was our problem but regardless of the excuse, it didn't stop the intimacy from disappearing.
GLDheart Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 He could have learned new moves from watching porn. Him having a new "taping it" obsession kind of backs that up too. Like the other posters above have said, I'm not comfortable calling him a cheater just yet...
scatterd Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I am wondering if their is more to to you wanting to leave then suspicion of him cheating. How did he treat you while you was down? Was their more that happened? I am so sorry you have been through so much. Going through what you have is not easy.
pteromom Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Whether or not he is/has been cheating, what he is doing is sick. Having sex with you when you don't want it. FILMING you without permission?!? That is sick. You need to tell him that you are going to sleep in your bed, and that does not mean you are consenting to sex. You need to tell him that you are aware he was filming you, and you want him to delete what he recorded. Then you need to decide what you want to happen next, whether that is reconciliation or splitting.
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