AngrySmile Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 See, now I have a problem. Haven't posted in a lil. Here's my issue. Since the BU, I really haven't pursued any contact from my ex. As I've said many a time before, she pops up on Facebook once in a while, but that never bothers me (though the fact I still notice it makes me wanna gouge my eyeball out.) I don't stalk her or anything. The rest of her family and I still talk. Like-I'm part of their family, there's no removing me really. You know that second family/close family friend type deal. That's me. So, its more than a little awkward of me right now to realize that I'm gonna be cooking dinner here by myself. Or sitting around being Scrooge tastic by myself. Or not having sex on New Years (Side note: I seriously cannot do the random hookup thing. It SERIOUSLY bugs the **** out of me-but we can have another discussion about that later.) So today, about an hour ago, I had a minor anger attack about the whole thing, after what... uhh.. 2 months? of NC, I suddenly thought about her. Alot. And I got mad and now I'm here trying to calm down. I've been doing every single thing possible to not think about her, but today's my off day of Insanity (Hate Shawn T too...again, another convo)-so I guess my mind wandered. I guess what I'm saying is, am I even half-stupid for considering to send a card on X-mas to her and her family? Or just full out retarded. I mean it's ****ing weird for me! Like my father and her father exchanged gifts from their cultures, something to show the commonality bond-that **** isn't taken lightly by them or I! I just kinda feel like I am a giant ****up today :/ Pity party in the building :/ BYOB How did you all cope with the first holiday season being w/o the ex. If you managed to d it w/o close friends and family, please. I'd really like to hear it :/ Have a feeling this month is gonna suck during the deep freeze. 'Nother reason to hate the holidays.
Exit Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Don't send anything. And as far as being "part of her family" and "there's no removing me really", yes, there is a way to remove yourself. You just do it. Do you think you had the only romantic relationship in the world where your mutual families became involved and entangled and got to know each other, and then a breakup happened? That doesn't mean you remain part of that family for the rest of your life anyway. The extended family is clearly on the list of things that you lose along with everything else when the breakup happens. It's not about being bitter or immature, it is simply accepting that your two families are no longer on track to converge and become one through relationship or marriage. It's not going to happen anymore. So don't kid yourself that you're part of their extended family and you can't change that now. Yes you can. Many of us are faced with pain during the holiday season. I miss my ex and her family as well and the holiday meals we used to have around their table but I have no reason to contact or bother them anymore or send them a card. I do not have a lot of family or friends right now so yes I will be getting through the holidays without much support as well. They will come and go and be over with soon enough.
Author AngrySmile Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 Realized this post was going to be argumentative. Deleted it. Took a nap. Slept on it. Has 3 hours of crap dreams. Woke up. Took the time to dissect each dream. Have a more suitable reply. I guess I know I can change it. I guess I just have to do it gradually. At least for me, it's not as simple as just straight up chopping them out of my life, they're my friends who did nothing wrong in this bump in the road between me and her. So I feel alienating them when they go out of their way to stay in contact with me is wrong. I just have to wean myself away-that method is better for me. In time-yes, I'm sure it'll all just ease itself into dissolution. I'm probably gonna miss them most this winter, and then the next winter I'll be fine and dandy. Just the fear of the unknown taking over me for a while.
coffeeloverx Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 I just wanted to throw my two cents in. I was really close to my ex's family. I'd go over there without him being there or he'd be at work and I'd just hang out. I'd go out to lunch with his mom and sister sometimes and his dad helped me find a car. THey were my second family for two years. At first they didn't like me, but obviously that changed. The family never does anything wrong, my ex's family didn't (Well, his dad didn't. Long story.) but they are part of the break up in a way. You lose them too. It's hard. That's just life. Anyway, it is part of the breakup, like it or not. If you really want to cut her out of your life and start to move on, I think it'd be best like you said to wean yourself off of them if that's what's easiest. How about spending time with your family to replace the time you'd spend with them? That's what I did? Or a friend? I"m sure you'll figure it out in time. Best of luck.
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