justgowt Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i met this girl at a convention and we talked a lot. we exchanged numbers before we left and we have been texting a lot recently. She seems to have really take a liking to me. It will be a long distance relationship where we will get to see each other maybe twice a month for 2 days at a time. But we don't share that much in common except for a couple things. Still, i enjoy her company and we are both attracted to each other so the intimacy part will be quite enjoyable, i imagine. the problem is she has been institutionalized several times for suicide attempts, and has had many problems with getting hurt/used/dumped by men in the past so she's very insecure and has issues with trust when it comes to dating. she also appears to be a bit clingy because within a couple days of texting we had a huge text argument and when i told her im just tired of this, she started apologizing profusely and said "i love you" in the text. so there are pros and cons. all my friends say it's not worth it. But what if i could help her get a better life while we enjoy each other? So what if she has issues? so do i. can i work through this with her?
dasein Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 No. There are no "pros" here whatsoever, all cons. You are lucky in that this came out on the front end as opposed to after lots of time wasted. Multiple suicide attempts aren't just "issues," but indicative of a serious mental illness. In all likelihood the illness is comorbid with some serious personality disorders as well. Insane people are only cute and funny in the movies, trust me you don't want one in your life. Be very thankful you got tipped off, lots of people don't. 2
charlietheginger Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 It will prob be some of the best sex You will ever have... If not you would just someother guy doing her She is crazy but crazy about you... I say enjoy.... In a few months it will be over anyways
dasein Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 The sex isn't worth it, not even close. You will wake up in the middle of the night to them whispering some wack ass cthulu sounding gibberish in your ear and then you'll be getting over that for a good long time. OR, you will be on the receiving end of suicide threats and 100 desperate texts a day when you come to your senses and decide to do what you should have done to begin with and find a sane person to sleep with.
SJC2008 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 DO NOT DO IT!!! I have a MI family member and it is emotionally draining beyond what you could imagine. You think you can hanle it now and the reason for this is because you're not emotionally invested. That's why it's draining for me because it's family, thus I'm emotionally invested. Ever worried till your sick? I have, literally to where my stomach was upset. If you're in for a rollercoaster ride that includes intense never ending worry, anger, guilt and manilulation, being an emotional cruch and basically held hostage,go for it!
Author justgowt Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 we spent 2 hours talking on the phone and she giggled at everything i said and told me how horny she is for me. i could go see her in a couple weeks for the first time. why are you guys all saying the same things my friends are saying? why can't this work out? so what if she has some issues, i do too! she really really really likes me. there's no girl i know that likes me so intensely like she does, it's crazy. that's a very big pro to me, how can that be a bad thing?
charlietheginger Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 we spent 2 hours talking on the phone and she giggled at everything i said and told me how horny she is for me. i could go see her in a couple weeks for the first time. why are you guys all saying the same things my friends are saying? why can't this work out? so what if she has some issues, i do too! she really really really likes me. there's no girl i know that likes me so intensely like she does, it's crazy. that's a very big pro to me, how can that be a bad thing? With that being said you two make a perfect Match have fun ! I
Author justgowt Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 i don't understand. is there something wrong with a girl liking me the way she does?
Taramere Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 she really really really likes me. there's no girl i know that likes me so intensely like she does, it's crazy. that's a very big pro to me, how can that be a bad thing? The history of institutionalisation for suicide attempts should offer some insight into how it could manifest as "a bad thing". 1
Emilia Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i don't understand. is there something wrong with a girl liking me the way she does? If she has Borderline Personality Disorder like one of my exes does then it will f**k you up. He really REALLY liked me straight away in a very cute, boyish way. He was adorable, loving, highly sexual, very giving and loyal. If I was concerned over something he would do puppy eyes at me. Just adorable and cute and I really started liking him. Who wouldn't love such a gorgeous little creature who is also hot in bed? Then the inevitable flip came that always does with BPD: he 'split' and would just hate me for no reason. He'd accuse me of only wanting him for sex, he would cut contact with me not wanting to talk to me, lash out verbally (not physically ever but some do! including women) and leave me confused about what the f**k I did wrong and what the hell I had done to upset him so much - until I worked out that he had BPD. They have the emotional maturity of a toddler, they see things in very black and white and they are unable to accept that people have faults and that no-one is perfect. My ex would put me on a pedestal and want to get married, only to turn around a week later and say some cruel, cutting things. If she's been hospitalised that's pretty bad news, it means self-harm and suicide attempts. The rollercoster ride will make you feel very bad about yourself if you get caught up in it OP. It's unlikely that she will remain the sweet loving creature that she is. Not saying she has BPD but she sounds very unstable. With lack of stability comes huge emotional upheaval - which is upsetting for everyone. She could get you entangled in this for years if you are not careful. Not recommended. 3
AlexDP Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 On the other hand he'd have sex so I guess it can go either way.
Emilia Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 The worst thing about it is though that if you are capable of empathy like I am it's heartbreaking to see someone struggle with their mental health. It still upsets me to this day. I sometimes compare it to watching someone drown in the surf just an arm's reach from the beach and yet it's nothing you can do to help them. Some disorders affect the way people think very deeply, especially if they had been abused as children. It is very distressing to witness because you simply can't get through. 1
Taramere Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 On the other hand he'd have sex so I guess it can go either way. He'll knowingly have sex with a woman who has severe mental health problems, and then he'll come back and post a series of "why be bitches so crazy?" threads on here. 1
Author justgowt Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 i have said many things that set her off but she never displayed any irrational thinking, just normal emotions and reactions of insecurity and anger. she told me sometimes she has a bad temper and might throw tantrums but i haven't seen that yet, but it shows that she tells me the truth about herself and i respect that.
todreaminblue Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i don't understand. is there something wrong with a girl liking me the way she does? No there isn't anything wrong with a girl being crazy over you, the majority of the posters are saying that you should avoid the girl because of her mental illness and instability....and there is a risk of instability in the future......it is a hard road with someone who has mental illness and for the people who love them......as far as the comment written above, about having the best sex you ever had...i would advise with what you know about her being used by men that you avoid also using her for sex.......by you posting here on loveshack you are not equipped to have a girlfriend with a mental illness, let her go you have to be 100 per cent certain you can handle it and you are asking for others opinions.......listen to your friends you are not sure yourself not a good place to be when you are dealing with someone who has a mental illness
Author justgowt Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 i have mental illnesses too, sometimes i get depressed too and i've been hospitalized once for a suicide attempt when i was in my teens. so what? i understand her, and i could help her get through life and she could help me...
Emilia Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i have said many things that set her off but she never displayed any irrational thinking, just normal emotions and reactions of insecurity and anger. she told me sometimes she has a bad temper and might throw tantrums but i haven't seen that yet, but it shows that she tells me the truth about herself and i respect that. Some personality disorders cause the other person's relationship deteriorate with you over time as you get closer to them and they feel more and more threatened by your relationship with them as intimacy grows. Initially I was able to talk to my ex more but as we grew closer even just as friends (ie we weren't dating anymore) the periods of his hatred/silence would grow longer. I haven't spoken to him since April and every time I spoke to him over the last 2 years he sounded extremely uncomfortable with talking to me on the phone even though he tried to reach out to me himself. What I'm trying to say is that it's based on the dynamic between the two of you, how she is now is not likely to be the case in 6 months time.
Emilia Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i have mental illnesses too, sometimes i get depressed too and i've been hospitalized once for a suicide attempt when i was in my teens. so what? i understand her, and i could help her get through life and she could help me... Please don't get caught up in a co-dependent relationship. It will hurt both of you very badly. 1
Author justgowt Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Some personality disorders cause the other person's relationship deteriorate with you over time as you get closer to them and they feel more and more threatened by your relationship with them as intimacy grows. Initially I was able to talk to my ex more but as we grew closer even just as friends (ie we weren't dating anymore) the periods of his hatred/silence would grow longer. I haven't spoken to him since April and every time I spoke to him over the last 2 years he sounded extremely uncomfortable with talking to me on the phone even though he tried to reach out to me himself. What I'm trying to say is that it's based on the dynamic between the two of you, how she is now is not likely to be the case in 6 months time. but what if it turns out well? What if we're able to maintain a healthy relationship where we can be truthful and honest to each other and make each others' lives better instead of worse? how will i know how things will turn out if i don't give things a shot?
Emilia Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 but what if it turns out well? What if we're able to maintain a healthy relationship where we can be truthful and honest to each other and make each others' lives better instead of worse? how will i know how things will turn out if i don't give things a shot? What you need to realise is that every person is an island. I can't make you better, I can't help you. YOU have to help yourself. A person has to be capable of making themselves better whether it's through therapy, medication, continuously working on themselves. No-one else can do this. What you create by 'helping' each other is crutches that are not healthy and make you depend on each other in a way that takes away your existing independence. Is she on medication? Is she seeing some kind professional help? 1
Taramere Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 i have mental illnesses too, sometimes i get depressed too and i've been hospitalized once for a suicide attempt when i was in my teens. so what? i understand her, and i could help her get through life and she could help me... So in essence, the two of you are very similar. I've got to ask...in light of that, how do you feel about your friends telling you "not to stick your dick in crazy"? In all honesty, I think successful relationships often involve people's dysfunctions complementing eachother. There are obvious pitfalls in that, but maybe somebody with mental health problems is best having a relationship of equals with somebody else who has mental health problems. Everybody is entitled to find love where they can, and the ideal model of a healthy, stable, adult relationship just isn't realistic for everybody. Where you've got a stable person and somebody with problems in a relationship, it's too likely to become a counsellor/client type relationship. So you might be on to something in believing that the two of you are well placed to understand eachother.. I suppose the question is whether, when it's all going wrong - when the irrational behaviour, game playing and emotional chaos steps up - either of you would have the capacity to accept a reasonable level of responsibility (as opposed to either blaming it all on the other "crazy person", or taking far too much responsibility with the result that depressive, suicidal behaviour emerges). How would you make this work? Do you get counselling? Does she? Do you both have good support networks outside of eachother? Having mental health problems isn't an excuse to plunge into precarious emotional situations with wild-eyed optimism and no plan for how to manage some of the inevitable difficulties that will result. 2
Emilia Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 In all honesty, I think successful relationships often involve people's dysfunctions complementing eachother. There are obvious pitfalls in that, but maybe somebody with mental health problems is best having a relationship of equals with somebody else who has mental health problems. Everybody is entitled to find love where they can, and the ideal model of a healthy, stable, adult relationship just isn't realistic for everybody. Where you've got a stable person and somebody with problems in a relationship, it's too likely to become a counsellor/client type relationship. So you might be on to something in believing that the two of you are well placed to understand eachother.. Yes, I certainly don't disagree. It's the presence of hospitalisation and suicide attempts/self-harm that worry me, ie the intensity of the dysfunction. Everyone has their own little craziness in a way, no-one is perfect but degrees of it does matter of course. 1
AlexDP Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 The worst thing about it is though that if you are capable of empathy like I am it's heartbreaking to see someone struggle with their mental health. It still upsets me to this day. I sometimes compare it to watching someone drown in the surf just an arm's reach from the beach and yet it's nothing you can do to help them. Some disorders affect the way people think very deeply, especially if they had been abused as children. It is very distressing to witness because you simply can't get through. I know. But to realise this you must have some sort of experience with people like this.
Emilia Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I know. But to realise this you must have some sort of experience with people like this. I suppose it's like anything, we can all preach until the cows come home but experience is everything Having said all of the above, I wouldn't change the past for the whole world. He is still one of the most amazing people I know. 1
Andy_K Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I generally like crazy. But... there's good-crazy and there's bad-crazy. Multiple suicide attempts and a history of institutionalisation are right at the far end of bad-crazy. Steer clear. I highly doubt she is recovered enough yet to maintain a healthy relationship. And if you've got a similar but less extreme background, then you certainly aren't mentally strong enough to be able to help her become what she needs to be. 1
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