Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 (edited) Hi been with my gf for 9 months wer both early 20s, recently found out she's pregnant, we went for a ultra sound scan and the scan said she was 8 weeks 2 days pregnant, which would in fact make her day of conception a time when I was in different country! I went in a stag do for 3 nights and its right in the middle of it! She was paranoid about me going on it and I can't help but think she has done something while ive been away, thinking I'm up to no good also. Stupid I know but she's always been quite paranoid of me which makes me even more suspicious. I know she was out that weekend with friends. She swears she has never been with anyone else whilst with me and keeps pointing out that they add 2 weeks on from your last cycle so infact she is only 6 weeks gone but it's really got me thinking. Shes told me if she had cheated and got preg she would have never told me and aborted which i kinda belive, she also said she wouldnt let me tell my family if she wasnt sure, which i also belive. She's agreed to have non invasive prenatal blood sample done but I can't really afford £1000 for one (she knows that and wont have cvs, (which i understand) ) But I don't want to be wondering for 9 months or on the other hand building false hope. Whatever happens I'm having 1 when it's born. Should I try have a prenatal non invasive done now and get it cleared up? Or wait for birth? Or am I being stupid/selfish? Thoughts pls. Edited November 15, 2012 by Sjw88
Balzac Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 (edited) Welcome to LS. Are you in the UK? You've factored in sperm life, days for implantation? The pregnancy could have occurred while you were gone if your sperm was clustered around her cervix @ ovulation. Make sense? Edited November 15, 2012 by Balzac
dasein Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Hey, welcome to the forum. As DNA Tests Spread, So Do Nasty Paternity Surprises - The Informed Reader - WSJ I would never accept paternity obligations for supporting a child without DNA tests. Married, single wouldn't matter. Let them howl and cry about trust til the cows come home, the DNA is getting tested. Once one has a certain level of experience in the world, and sees data such as are in the linked article, it's just a common sense necessity for every man with half a brain. 1
Author Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Yeah I'm in uk. Can't be before because we didn't sleep together for about a week before i went, it could only be mine from after I was back. But if the 2 week rule is correct it could only really be mine as we've been together most nights since my return.
ascendotum Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Apart from the nature of the discussion in your OP, have the two of you sat down and discussed your future as a family? Assuming the child is yours, are you both happy to be parents and you both see each other as great long term spouses. I just mention this, because you said if the child/embryo was not yours she would be prepared to have an abortion, and this to me is also as big an issue in terms of having a child. Is she adamant on going through with this pregnancy, because if she is you might as well wait and do a paternity test later on.
dasein Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Also note from the link that it's common practice for only the mother to be informed when a standard birth defect test reveals lack of paternity. Absolutely evil, but to be expected today.
Author Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Well she said that meaning she would have never let me know she fell preg in first place. We have talked and argued Tbh things are strained atm and this hasn't helped but I think shes pretty adamant she's having it and if it is mine I wouldn't really want a abortion either.
Art_Critic Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 At 2 months they cannot tell with a good deal of accuracy when the conception was, they use the last known date of her last period as a basis and factor out the date, It is accurate within about 2+- weeks. The longer the pregnancy continues they will adjust the due date as more measurements can be done to figure that all out.. No.. it isn't an exact science.. far from it...It seems you have started to put undue stress on the mother of your baby. Google is your friend... 2
FitChick Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Why does she want to have it? To get benefits? To hope you will marry her? Does she live with her parents (motivation to get benefits and move out).
Author Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Can really tell the males from the females here lol. Thanks all the same any input appreciated.
Imajerk17 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Random question: What were you and she using for a contraceptive?
Author Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 I don't know, she lives with me, although I pay majority of bills so maybe... It's horrible situation I don't really know whether I want it to be mine! Just don't want 9 months of uncertainty
Author Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 She was on pill but had stopped to change it as the one she was on could lead to cervical cancer which her aunt died of, we only had unprotected sex maybe 2-3 times during the time, ithdrawing also, but of course it only takes once
KraftDinner Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Do you have other reasons to suspect she cheated? But I have to say I feel sorry for your gf! Being pregnant is scary! Your body goes haywire, it's scary, you feel vulnerable...and then get accused of cheating because someone knows nothing about modern medicine? 3
mesmerized Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Yeah I'm in uk. Can't be before because we didn't sleep together for about a week before i went, it could only be mine from after I was back. But if the 2 week rule is correct it could only really be mine as we've been together most nights since my return. When they say she is 8 weeks pregnant, it means she has been pregnant for about 6 weeks. The two weeks from the start of your cycle to when you ovulate is added to this. Why don't you just ask her doc? 2
Author Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 Too be fair she has a 3yr old daughter already and doesn't claim Csa off the father but he doesn't earn much
Author Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 So if she is 8 weeks she can only be pregnant from sex 6 weeks ago, nothing before, because someone else just wrote it could be 2 weeks either way... Btw first positive test was done 19 oct
mesmerized Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 So if she is 8 weeks she can only be pregnant from sex 6 weeks ago, nothing before, because someone else just wrote it could be 2 weeks either way... Btw first positive test was done 19 oct Assuming your gf has a 28 days cycle and ovulated around the day 14 (Which is the norm) yes that statement is true.
KraftDinner Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I'm going to re-ask my question (if you answered, I apologize--i didn't see it): Do you have any other reason to suspect she cheated? 1
Author Sjw88 Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 All I have is the point in the thread and the fact we had argued alot prior in regards to her being paranoid about me cheating. She has admitted she is too paranoid to me before and it's all this doubt of me and lack of trust in her head that leads me to believe she may have done something. Although right now I probably sound the same!
Balzac Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 You seem to have decided that if the pregnancy is of your DNA you prefer a live birth. You are not desiring 8 months of unknown paternity. Those two decisions reasonably conclude investing in the cost of the immediate test. It's costly but so is stress on your pregnancy, three year old child to parent and a relationship to parent the live birth. Trust your gut feelings. 1
Emissary Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 It's easily possible that it's yours, but if you're really not sure, you could start doing some digging, or just get a DNA test later.
Balzac Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 (edited) Agreed that it was a joint decision. The problem is often that men choose not to avail themselves of workable knowledge regarding the female biology of potential conception. Women who "lapse" between contraceptive methods assume risks they seemingly fail to understand. His explanation regarding that made little logic in my world. Not that he can choose for her but knowledge is power. Thankfully biological testing is improving and thus men can now hold be held accountable~men too~early on in any pregnancy. "She was on pill but had stopped to change it as the one she was on could lead to cervical cancer which her aunt died of, we only had unprotected sex maybe 2-3 times during the time, ithdrawing also, but of course it only takes once" Edited November 15, 2012 by Balzac Mind the gap.
Balzac Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 (edited) I hate using condoms. I've stated this here several times. I've used them but my preference is to date women who are informed about and employ highly reliable contraceptives. I am not aware of a medical reason to "gap" oral contraceptives. Just as there is no reason to "gap" from oral contraceptive to IUD. Edited November 15, 2012 by Balzac
FitChick Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Tell her you want her to have an abortion because this question of paternity will destroy your relationship. Later on if you get married you can both decide to have a child. It's possible she could miscarry, which is common within the first three months. So your problem would be solved. However, it wouldn't answer the question as to her cheating or not.
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