chinainn Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Hi I want to get some comments on what you guys feel about this situation I am in. I met this girl online in a dating profile last Friday, we exchanged a couple of emails and we decided to meet the next day for dinner. Even before we met, she told me she wanted to take things slow, hang-out first as a friend and take time to see where it goes. She is open to dating. She was new in town. We met the following day for dinner, she was pretty, confident and a fun girl. We spent almost 2 hours talking a lot...we shared a lot of common things. I complimented on her expressive eyes and she blushed. There seemed to be a lot of interest, eye contact, the flipping of hair, she remembered everything about me and asked me a lot of questions, a little kino and she even suggested we meet on Sunday as we both wanted to go check out some art gallery. I noticed that she replies better face to face than phone or text. We hardly exchanged one or two texts a day. The following day she texted me if we were going? She replies in one word or does not reply to texts properly. She replies to some. So we went there, spent about an hour and had coffee. We spent an hour talking..again we had a long conversation about the things we like/interests. I usually do not feel nervous talking to a girl, but when she looked at me it made me nervous in a good way, I guess she might have noticed that, because I felt nervous talking. For some reason, I thought I should give her some hint of interest, so I texted her saying ' when I look at her, her eyes were making me feel nervous, in a good way and I feel lost in them". I do not know if I should have told that. She did not say anything to that..she does not respond well to compliments. She still continues to not reply or reply late. I have only called her three times, twice she answered. The third time, Yesterday, I called her to ask her if she wanted to hang out this weekend. she did not answer, I emailed her about the plan and she replied to the email that "She is busy this weekend and maybe another time". I know that she is new in town, new to the dating site and still testing the dating waters. I am not sure if I should contact her again or stop all contacts and let it cool off and move on to dating other people. It's not even a week since I ve known her. Am I over analyzing the situation? I am not sure if she is still interested to hang out or playing hard to get. Should I just ask her directly "if she wants to hang out at all and is interested or tell her that "I will move on". It is confusing me since we had good chemistry, common interests and she wanted to take it slow. What should I be doing? Thanks guys.
SJC2008 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I'm no to crazy about the "mabye another time". I think yalls pace was too much on a weeks span. 2 dates, 3 calls and that lost in your eyes text. Go NC and if she calls back good if not oh well.
t520 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I agree don't contact her . I always mess that up too
ja123 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I agree with SCJ2008. Particularly the "eyes" comment probably scared her off. If she's new to town, then she probably wants to have fun and meet lots of new people, and maybe she felt you were too involved too soon and she's probably not looking for a relationship right now, nor does she want you to develop too many feelings for her because then she might feel responsible (and guilty) for hurting you. I'd say back off, don't contact her, and see if she contacs you. In the meantime, keep dating other women. And if you're really looking for a relationship right now, then I think what she's saying is that she isn't. Timing is everything.
mortensorchid Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 2 THings : Text messages and verbal communication. A text message is meant to take the place of a phone call / email. It's not a bad thing if someone answers, for example : "What time should we meet tomorrow night?" the other answers "9 pm". What isn't acceptable is if someone responds with a simple "No" answer. That is plain rude, indicates that the receiver does not like the sender for some reason, and they are sending a deliberate insult towards the sender. I had a friend like that who would respond that way towards emails when she was in a foul mood, and after another one of her tirades, I stopped speaking to her. But I digress... As to your saying that she does not respond well to compliments, that is a true red flag. Why? Because that person does not want to get these compliments from you, let alone anyone else. That indicates that they are insecure and uptight, and you don't want to be with someone like that. Move on completely, or keep her on reserve while you see others. But whatever you do, don't get too serious about this gal.
Author chinainn Posted November 15, 2012 Author Posted November 15, 2012 I agree with all your comments here...I know I should not have said the thing about her eyes comment. Yeah, that might have probably scared her off. I eventually want a relationship and I am actually up for taking it slow if its the right girl. I did not know why I said that, probably I thought she noticed I was nervous a bit around her. I messed it up. Would it make it any better, if I tell her that I need not mean to scare her or be ahead of myself in anyway and that I am up for taking it slow, being friends first and see where it leads? Does it help in anyway?
bolainmarsh5 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I am on the same exact boat! It angers me that the guy just randomly disappears and is flaky even after we've established that we like each other and we're dating and we've slept together. but we didnt talk about being exclusive yet. but he told me he wasnt dating anyone else. i didnt want to take it anymore so i told him it wasn't working for me and i didnt want to see him anymore. i have not heard from him at all. makes me think that he's just a douche and cant believe he doesnt even care. and i wonder if he was just playing me! i think as hard as it is, you should move on, theres no reason why we should put up w it and we can find someone who does give us what we want, why settle. but i hope eric can give us some perspective on such male behavior lol. cuz i sure as hell dont understand it!
clia Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Move on. 1. Your text was creepy. For future reference, you don't need to share every thought that goes through your mind with someone you just met. 2. You came on way too strong. You've known her six days. No need for excessive calls and texts. All you should be doing is setting up the next date--maybe one or two texts beyond that to check in and say hi. 3. Not everyone enjoys texting or wants to tell their life story via text. She sounds like one of these. Don't be so insecure. Learn from this and learn to play it cool.
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