exgirlfriend said she has lost all feelings for me and wants to be single?

[roach5478]

So me and my ex girlfriend were dating for almost 4 months, i know its not that long but i could tell it was something special, we didn't really argue and we just clicked with just about everything. but last week she texts(i wasn't to upset of the texting part cause she has really bad anxiety) me and tells me that over the past week that her feelings have changed for me and she wanted to break up, since it was over text i really couldn't judge at all if she really meant it or not cause i wasn't there to see her or anything.. so we did and i really couldn't wrap my head around as to why she had lost all feelings for me, cause i really didn't believe it because, just a day or two before she broke up with me she was planning and telling me what she wanted to do for her birthday which is a few weeks away and also planning on going to a concert which is a month away. so i didn't really see how if she didn't care about me anymore why should we do that. so i talked to her the other day which was a week after we broke up and asked her how she just doesn't care about me anymore and she said she didn't know and just needed to be single for a while. so i said ok i can see that, cause she really hasn't been single for along deal of time for a while, but she still insisted she didn't have any feelings at all anymore and i asked her if she would consider getting back together after you figure your stuff out from being single, and she said she didn't think so. at first she wanted to remain friends, but now she doesn't want to talk or anything at all,i know there isnt someone else or anything like that. but what should i do, i know not to talk to her anymore and give her space, but could she really just have lost all feelings for me or is she just trying to use that because she just wants to be single, and how long should i wait until i try to talk to her again and is there really any chance of getting her back

[scarlet.vixn]

It's a little hard to believe that there was nothing more happening behind the scenes. I personally don't believe that we're like light bulbs and have an on/off switch.

 

Think if there was anything done that could have influenced her decision. Try to recall if she was having any doubts any other time in the relationship that you just didn't see.

 

Politely if you can still talk to her as a friend inquire as to a possible reason for the break up, was it something you did or said or is it really on her end? Ask simply for the fact that you don't want to do something like that in the future and end another relationship unexpectedly.

 

If it's completely on her side, then there's very little you can do to sway them until they've handled what they need to handle.

 

Focus on you and keep your options open.

 

Hope it helped.

[roach5478]

the week after we broke up is when i asked her what influenced her decision, that's when she told me that over the past week before we broke up she realized she wanted to be single to work out some personal problems, so i kinda thought he wanting to be single is what caused her to lose feelings for me, but she did say she doesn't really know if we will get back together when i asked maybe it was to soon to ask a week after the breakup? Ive thought back and really up until the week before we broke up everything was going fine we both wanted to see each other and all that, she wanted me to stay over a lot of the nights, but then the last week she was just distant. how long should i got before i try to contact her again

 

And i have been focusing on me these past 3 weeks, getting back into shape(im not extremely overweight just really toning up) lost 10 pounds since we broke up and updating my wardrobe, and reconnecting with old friends, but i would still do anything to get her back cause i really do lover her

Edited November 18, 2012 by roach5478

[scarlet.vixn]

That's really good that you're working out and staying busy!

 

So if she's going through anything personal unfortunately you kinda have to let her go through it.

 

If I were in your shoes (not saying I'm right) I would probably contact her again only to say, that you understand her desire to be single right now and that you hope she finds what she's looking for. Let her know that if she needs someone to talk to that you're there for her, and your primary goal where she is concerned is to be there for her in whatever capacity she needs you (that may mean she just needs a friend right now), let her know that you've left the door unlocked so to speak and if she needs to she can always come back in and you will always be there for her as a friend. Tell her that it was a joy being with her and that you hold nothing against her, that you had a wonderful time as brief as it was.

 

Then do your best to love love for a while. I'm not saying you go out and hook up with a bunch of girls, but kick up your self confidence by harmless flirtation, DON'T lead anyone on, that's just asking for more trouble. Rather go out, be charming, get that new wardrobe and feel good about yourself.

 

Either she'll come around or someone else will that truly is ready for what you have to offer.

 

Remember the first rule in loving someone else is that you want their happiness and well being above your own, and if she needs to be single and figure things out in order to be happy then you have to let her.

[roach5478]

Yeah Ive told her that if she ever needs anyone to talk to or anything ill be here but right now she just doesn't want to talk. right now ive just been seeing her go out with freinds(we have the same group of friends) a lot lately seemingly like she isn't really bothered that we broke up in the first, so its a little discerning to see that it doesnt seem like she is even bothered by it

Thank you for your advice

[soccerrprp]

...not single....to find someone else.

[scarlet.vixn]

She's coping in her own way, maybe that's just what she wants you to think, maybe she really is okay with it and that's simply her personality and way. We love people in three ways 1. We would do anything that would be for their benefit and happiness. 2. Unconditionally, meaning that no matter what they do or do not do we love them. 3. We know who they are good bad and ugly and have no delusions about their personality.

 

If you can hold to these three rules where she and any other person who comes into your life that you love then there is peace and resolution because this is a pure way to love, without bitterness or anger or hurt. You can't control other people or make them love you, but you can have a better handle on how you show others your love.

 

Disclaimer to the above: 1. For their benefit and happiness means you put their well being above anything else that doesn't mean if they ask you to to do something dangerous or illegal because they "want" you to do it. 2. Unconditional means you can love them no matter what they do, but if this is an abusive situation, just cause you love them, doesn't mean you need to stay with them. 3. We can't always know everything about a person, but the longer you spend with them the more you learn about them.

 

I just had to clarify that.

 

Good Luck, you sound like a great guy, whether it's her or someone else, they are lucky.

[roach5478]

I'm starting think that she really might have met someone else and is seeing what someone else has to offer. so i don't know really know if there will be any chance to get back together anymore, I'm just not going to contact her or anything for a couple months unless she talks to me within that time and see where it goes from there, by that time i wont be a emotional wreck and should be able to think a lot clearer, and my coincidence and all that will be back up