He used me for all I had, then left me...

[Delicate]

I don't know where to start. I will try and keep it brief. So my ex boyfriend and I met about 4 years ago. When I was a sophomore in college. He wanted me so bad. I found him attractive, but only saw him as a friend. He was always there for me when other guys let me down and always lifted my spirits. Finally. After 2 years of being friend zoned. He'd made it to the point where I had fallen in love with him. I realized he was committed to me. Really loved me (or so I thought) and that I should give the nice guy a chance for once. So we were together. And things were great. We went to two different colleges about 2 hours apart, but he came every other weekend just to see me. He romanced me. Took me out. Did things to make me feel special. I never demanded too much. Just regular old you know dinner and movie dates. Which I was fine with, because I understand that we are kind of young and I don't like to make men splurge their money on me. I always try and be considerate.

 

So, I graduated, and I was no longer in Delaware and for a year I had to move back to my home state of South Dakota. He stuck it out with me through all of that distance. It was really hard. Because I would see pictures of him with girls on facebook. Girls would write things on his timeline like "babe you left your phone in my car" "Ohhhh I loved seeing you last night" and we'd get in big arguments. and he'd DEFEND the girls... And then finally admit he was wrong.

 

I would come and visit him about once every 2 or 3 months. On more than one occasion I would find texts in his phone of him trying to hang out and smoke weed with girls.

 

This exposed to me more than I knew about him. I didn't know he TRIED to hang out with other girls behind my back. I guess I was naive and thought he "ran into them" that they were "old friends of friends" like he insisted. But then I found out he had a SERIOUS WEED ADDICTION. I'm talking smoking 2 or 3 times a day. Needed to smoke to do homework, eat, or just basically function.

 

There were several times he'd call me high as hell, begging me to help him write his papers before midnight that night otherwise he'd fail his course. I wrote about 4 papers for him that year. I pleaded with him to get counseling for his weed habit. Pleaded with his mother to invest in him and care about him. Got him in counseling. Only for him to drop out and skip going to the counseling sessions. His gpa is 1.52.. God knows how he is still enrolled. He was at a 4 year college but had to drop out of that and go to a cc because they wouldn't take him anymore. I dont know if the cc he goes to doesn't have a gpa requirement, but he just keeps failing classes, and he's failing 3/4 right now. mind you I helped him pay for these classes because he came begging to me for money to register.

 

On my birthday he didn't give me anything, (For his birthday I bought him these stupid 180 dollar sneakers he just HAD to have). On valentines day I cried so hard. He got me nothing and simply said, "I didn't know you cared about that stuff, well what did you get me?! huh?! it's about the guy too ya know!" on christmas, I spent my last 80 dollars to get him this stupid polo sweater he wanted, and then he said he "forgot" to buy me a present.

 

we would fight and break up about how he never treated me right. but we always got back together. so I got into several good law schools. But I chose to go to one in his hometown. because he said he wanted to be with me. that he felt we were going to marry each other. (THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I HAVE MADE IN MY LIFE. AND LADIES. IF YOU ARE READING THIS. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE. NEVER BASE YOUR LIFE AROUND A MAN.)

 

So I moved to his hometown.. And immediately.. Things took a turn for the WORSE. He started taking me for granted even more. he kept asking to borrow money from me. money that went towards his weed habit. he just stopped trying. He hasn't taken me out in over a year. His mother asked to borrow my car to take it to work.. she instead drove 5 hours to her sisters house to stay overnight... then she used the money I had in my glove compartment to pay her way through the tolls. Didn't even put it back. Brought my car back on empty. Did I complain? No. I did not.

 

He just kept putting me down. Anytime I had a problem he would immediately just rush to put me down and explain to me how I am nothing. Then he would say, "well I'm just playing devil's advocate"

 

whenever his family members met me, they'd say things like, "how in the hell did thomas snag you? and you're in law school? do you know who your boyfriend is?"

 

when his uncle met me, he pulled him aside and told him in a hushed tone, "she's of a higher class than you, you better not mess this one up."

 

I felt really horrible for him. I don't think anyone should ever be considered a "higher class" than another human being...

 

Anyway, finally two sunday's ago.. I had driven over to his house, as always. Because he never drives to my apartment. I drove to his house, to sit with him in his mother's apartment. this wasn't the initial plan. he said that tonight he was going to start making a change and that he was going to take me to the movies and dinner. turns out he got too drunk and high and wasn't feeling good. so we stayed in his mother's basement again. and did nothing. had sex. and fell asleep. and then the next morning.. he was so cruel to me. He turned to me and said. "when are you leaving? can you go home now?" I was in shock. I was so hurt... I went in the bathroom to go change and leave. And when I came out of the bathroom, he asked me to stay and give him a ride to work. That was the last straw for me. I told him that he was "f**cking crazy" and I stormed out of his house. He immediately felt horrible and called me begging me to forgive him for being a jerk. I was going to forgive him but I just needed time to cool off so I wouldn't say mean things to him that would hurt his feelings. But he JUST KEPT PESTERING me for the next 2 days, "how can you still be mad?!" and then he was like, "YOU KNOW WHAT! I'M DONE WITH YOU!" and I told him that I didn't love him anymore and that he could be done.. But then 2 days later.. I wanted him back. begged and cried.. and he just said that he "just wanted to be alone" and I told him that I'm never going to speak to him again. that was 4 days ago. Neither of us has reached out to the other.

 

I feel so depressed. and sick. and alone. i cant really eat anything. what really hurts the most is.. I gave him my virginity. I'm 23. I was saving it for marriage. but he convinced me that we were going to get married. I gave him everything. My love. my time. my devotion. my money. my commitment. my virginity. And he just used me. I'm broken. I'm broken. And I won't tell anyone about it. Because to the outside world. to my friends and family. I put on this big charade. That we were the perfect couple. And I am just so broken. And alone. I have never been this depressed before in my life. NEVER.

[Balzac]

Oh wow you're a current law student? Sad, sad story.

More about you actually but that's ok. Glad you got the self power to dump him.

[HLM77]

You deserve better. I had a similiar experience and can't say why it hurts so much to get over someone who treats us that badly. Give yourself time to heal.

[todreaminblue]

I feel for you delicate, I had a fifteen year relationship that took me all the way through my twenties and most of my thirties, he never did marry me, to a certain degree what i put up with sealed that and when the wrong guy gets hold of vulnerability you can kiss your dreams goodbye...and i did.....

five years nearly six on from my breakup .....i did my very best to keep that relationship nurtured, too much as did you by the sounds of it, in fact it nearly killed me, i get sad still, not for him or missing him, but missing how i should have been treated i was often ignored and forgotten because i allowed myself to be....not again.......i lost who i was once just became a woman in a relationship..........smilin...hi delicate...im deb.....and life is brighter now for me.....it will be for you maybe not now but i pray delicate you find your identity too........hugs.....deb

[shayla]

Everyone can say this now because we've all been there and learned but....right at the start, when you saw he was smoking weed and messing around with other girls, way back then....that's when you were shown who and what he was, and that is when you could have acted on that.

 

To stay for years after that? That's volunteering for a world of hurt. I've done it too! I saw early on that something wasn't right with my ex and I still stayed with him for 3 years! Lesson learned. In your, and in my next relationship, waving red flags will be seen and dealt with!

 

Good luck.

[KatZee]

(THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I HAVE MADE IN MY LIFE. AND LADIES. IF YOU ARE READING THIS. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE. NEVER BASE YOUR LIFE AROUND A MAN.)

 

This is the most important thing said here. And it needs to be seen by everyone. In doing this, you will only lose yourself, you will sacrifice all of yourself and get nothing in return.

 

I gave him everything. My love. my time. my devotion. my money. my commitment. my virginity. And he just used me. I'm broken. I'm broken. And I won't tell anyone about it. Because to the outside world. to my friends and family. I put on this big charade. That we were the perfect couple. And I am just so broken. And alone. I have never been this depressed before in my life. NEVER.

 

This is also another mistake you made that you should learn from. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER! give someone all of you this way if you are getting nothing in return. You were given plenty of signs that this guy is a huge waste of life, a user... how you went on and stayed with him over and over after he blatantly disrespected you, "forgot" to be kind to you on holidays or birthdays... hell... even his MOTHER using your car and stealing your money! It's perfectly clear why your ex is as f.ucked up as he is. The apple really didn't fall far from the tree.

 

I'm going to agree with his uncle when he said you were better than him. Because you are. You're in a better place, you're smarter, you make smarter decisions and life choices, you're loving and caring, you're generous... you are EVERYTHING he is not and you need to see that this does make you a higher quality individual than he is, and I'm going to tell you that THIS is the reason he would treat you like s.hit.

 

He's a bum. He's a delinquent. He's lazy. He's a user. He's going NO WHERE in his life. He's broke. He's uncaring. He's unsupportive. HIS FAMILY EVEN KNOWS THESE THINGS!---- he KNOWS you're better than him, and it's hurts his ego. And the only way for him to feel better about himself, is to try to knock you down a notch. To bring you down. To make you feel worthless.

 

My ex did the SAME thing with me and someone finally pointed it out and said, "He treats you this way because you're the 'Alpha' he wants to bring you to his level of insecurity." And I stayed, just like you stayed, and he was winning. I felt worthless, even though I had it all going for me.

 

Trust me, months from now you will realize, just as I now realize--- the biggest gift my ex ever gave me, was dumping me. Because where I was, I NEVER would have left him. I would have continued to stay with him and be made to feel like garbage.

 

Don't grieve this loss. You lost NOTHING. You have everything in the world to gain from this split.

[I'm nuts]

Short time pain, long term gain.

 

The signs were there as someone else has said, don't ignore your gut feelings which were there because you have wrote about them, the guy from your words comes over as a waste of space, no time for you, doesn't look after you, doesn't support you, never buys buy you gifts, do you really want that?

 

The door has now been opened for you, walk through it, close the door behind you, lock it, and never look back.

[Delicate]

he called me crying today... told me he was sorry for everything. that he should have treated me better and that if he could go back in the past and fix everything that he could. told me that if we are not together he is going to be celibate because I gave him my virginity. said he sent me a really special gift in the mail, and if I don't like it I can just throw it away and forget about him. goodness. I told him that I didn't accept his apology and I hung up on him. My God. It was hard as hell to do. Then he texts me saying "if we were ever to come across each other in the future i bet I still would have kept that celibacy vow" He's truthfully making this very hard for me. First of all. he's crazy if he thinks some stupid little gift is going to fix all the damage he's done. I feel awfully sorry for him though. Nobody will be there to encourage him. To tell him that he is good enough to finish school and help him drop his weed habit. I won't lie. I'm simply worried sick about him. But I'm not calling him or texting him back. And he hasn't texted or called me after he sent that text. I feel as though he's pretty confident in whatever the hell he sent in winning me over..he's wrong. it won't work. i'm staying strong.

[SoulSearcher22]

Dang, I wanna date you.. You sound like such a considerate girlfriend! something i can't find.

[KatZee]

he called me crying today... told me he was sorry for everything. that he should have treated me better and that if he could go back in the past and fix everything that he could. told me that if we are not together he is going to be celibate because I gave him my virginity. said he sent me a really special gift in the mail, and if I don't like it I can just throw it away and forget about him. goodness. I told him that I didn't accept his apology and I hung up on him. My God. It was hard as hell to do. Then he texts me saying "if we were ever to come across each other in the future i bet I still would have kept that celibacy vow" He's truthfully making this very hard for me. First of all. he's crazy if he thinks some stupid little gift is going to fix all the damage he's done. I feel awfully sorry for him though. Nobody will be there to encourage him. To tell him that he is good enough to finish school and help him drop his weed habit. I won't lie. I'm simply worried sick about him. But I'm not calling him or texting him back. And he hasn't texted or called me after he sent that text. I feel as though he's pretty confident in whatever the hell he sent in winning me over..he's wrong. it won't work. i'm staying strong.

 

Oh please. I just yawned at this update. He's so pathetic and I can smell his bulls.hit a million miles away. He just doesn't want to live with the guilt. He doesn't want to feel as if he's such a horrible human being. Well, he's pretty crappy and GOOD FOR YOU for not accepting the apology and hanging up. I think you've hung around much longer than you should have, and put up with more crap than most people would have. Now's the time to keep your dignity and walk away with your head held high.

 

And who cares who he has or doesn't have to be his own personal cheerleader. Look how good all your words of encouragement did him. HE'S STILL A WASTE! Seems like he just wants someone there to fill his little ego cup whenever it needs refilling. For all your support, did he ever do better in school? No. Did he ever stop smoking? No. Did he ever become a better boyfriend for you? No.

 

Don't worry about him. Worry about YOURSELF. You need to see just how much damage he did to you and you need to fix yourself now. Not him. He won't change unless he wants to do something about it, and it seems as if he just wants to sit around feeling sorry for himself.

[flitzanu]

he called me crying today... told me he was sorry for everything. that he should have treated me better and that if he could go back in the past and fix everything that he could. told me that if we are not together he is going to be celibate because I gave him my virginity. said he sent me a really special gift in the mail, and if I don't like it I can just throw it away and forget about him. goodness. I told him that I didn't accept his apology and I hung up on him. My God. It was hard as hell to do. Then he texts me saying "if we were ever to come across each other in the future i bet I still would have kept that celibacy vow" He's truthfully making this very hard for me. First of all. he's crazy if he thinks some stupid little gift is going to fix all the damage he's done. I feel awfully sorry for him though. Nobody will be there to encourage him. To tell him that he is good enough to finish school and help him drop his weed habit. I won't lie. I'm simply worried sick about him. But I'm not calling him or texting him back. And he hasn't texted or called me after he sent that text. I feel as though he's pretty confident in whatever the hell he sent in winning me over..he's wrong. it won't work. i'm staying strong.

 

who cares if he is celibate? is that supposed to matter to you?

 

as with everyone else, this guy sounds like a total douchebag. your life is going to be much better without him. you probably won't notice he's gone.

[Delicate]

Honestly. Y'all are just the greatest. I think I got through the hardest part. Which was the first 3/4 days. And just hearing your words. Your support. Your encouragement. It just really helps to give me the drive to focus on myself and bettering myself. And I think maybe, just maybe I'm really starting to see that he's not the one for me. That I am better off without him. That I don't need him. That he's selfish. And these are things that I knew already. But I just kept "trying to make it work" I just didn't want to let go. And I'm really happy I'm finally letting go.

 

I have two dates scheduled this weekend. I really don't want to go... I want to cancel... Really badly. I'm not interested in them at all. But I don't know anyone in this town. And I don't really have many friends outside of school. And the ones at school aren't really friends. Aren't really into socializing. Just class, the library, then home. And I suppose I'm just really alone right now. Is it too soon for me to go out?

[Delicate]

Is it too soon for you to go out? Um no I wish you would have started dating a long time ago so you could see what a real date and real boyfriend feels like. Oh and I hope it's somebody from your college or successful because the last thing you want is another pot head loser. My philosophy is fake it until you make it. It's going to be hard meeting new people and missing the old but if you are having a good time in time it would be a distant memory and a year from now you will look back at your ex and think " how pathetic". I dated this one guy and ironically he is an attorney but he broke up with me two times over 7 years because he was afraid of commitment and had depression severely. I stayed to help him out of the depression, cheer him up, help him with his confidence and he broke up with me.

Two years later he came back again for the third time and depressed again. I said no more am I going to give him my time and energy. He was at the same place he was 4 years prior when I fixed him up. This is the biggest favor he could do you...

 

I don't know why, but for some reason that made me giggle. Well the first guy has graduated from college already and has a nice internship job at a law firm. I don't like him at all though. To be honest.. This guy I am only talking to, in order to get into his social circle and meet more people. Is that horrible of me? I keep telling him that I only see him as a friend. Because I don't want to lead him on. And he says that it's totally fine. So I'm hoping it really IS totally fine. He's about 4 years older than me. And he talks. Constantly. CONSTANTLY. Thinks that he knows everything. Thinks that he is is hilarious. When I don't find him amusing AT ALL.

 

The second guy I used to like a while BACK. He seems nice enough. But don't they all in the beginning? He's in his last year of college. We're the same age. I don't really see myself being with him. He has a twitter account and tweets his EVERY move and EVERY thought. And I don't know why, but for some reason that just REALLY turns me off. BIG TIME.

 

There are so many guys who have approached me when I was at the mall. But I was so in love with my boyfriend. I told them all the same thing, "I find you very attractive, and I think you're a good person. But I am in love with my boyfriend." They'd say, "can I have your number? maybe we can just be friends?" I'd tell them, "I'd feel disloyal to my boyfriend, because that would mean that I am anticipating our break up, and I purposely have you in reserve. So no. I will not give you my number, and I will not take yours." Or I would take their number in my phone. And delete it as soon as I was out of their sight, just so I would never have the temptation. I believe in being loyal to whoever I am with. I know they say don't put all of your eggs in one basket, but my mother is a loyal woman, and I believe I should be too. Though my father treats my mother like a QUEEN. Suppose I need to find a man who does the same.

[Delicate]

who cares if he is celibate? is that supposed to matter to you?

 

as with everyone else, this guy sounds like a total douchebag. your life is going to be much better without him. you probably won't notice he's gone.

 

I guess in the end, it really shouldn't and really doesn't. He's such a manipulator. He's just using it as a way to free himself of the guilt.

[Delicate]

Dang, I wanna date you.. You sound like such a considerate girlfriend! something i can't find.

 

are girls like me really that hard to find? Aren't all women like this to their man? I can't even picture a woman wanting to cheat on or leave her man if he was good to her.

[KatZee]

are girls like me really that hard to find? Aren't all women like this to their man? I can't even picture a woman wanting to cheat on or leave her man if he was good to her.

 

I say the same thing b/c I'm just like you. I honestly would do everything and anything for my man, to make sure he was happy, cared for, supported, blah blah blah. I'm a damn good girlfriend and my ex just dumped me like it was nothing.

 

I KNOW I'm a catch, and I KNOW that girls like you and I are hard to come by, so when he texted me months ago spewing all his s.hit about how I should "lose his number" I actually laughed in his face (figuratively-- it looked more like this via text: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!)

 

and I told him, are you kidding me? GOOD LUCK to you buddy because you'll need it!!!

 

He thought he had found a replacement, and that replacement fizzled not even 30 days later. I doubt he'll ever find all the qualities that he found in me, and if he does, it won't be for a LONG.. long... LOONNNGGGGLONGGG... LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time. Not here to brag, or be arrogant, but I know what I am, I know what he is, and I see the garbage that's circulating out there.

 

Good luck to him indeed!!! hahahahahahahah.

[Delicate]

I say the same thing b/c I'm just like you. I honestly would do everything and anything for my man, to make sure he was happy, cared for, supported, blah blah blah. I'm a damn good girlfriend and my ex just dumped me like it was nothing.

 

I KNOW I'm a catch, and I KNOW that girls like you and I are hard to come by, so when he texted me months ago spewing all his s.hit about how I should "lose his number" I actually laughed in his face (figuratively-- it looked more like this via text: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!)

 

and I told him, are you kidding me? GOOD LUCK to you buddy because you'll need it!!!

 

He thought he had found a replacement, and that replacement fizzled not even 30 days later. I doubt he'll ever find all the qualities that he found in me, and if he does, it won't be for a LONG.. long... LOONNNGGGGLONGGG... LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time. Not here to brag, or be arrogant, but I know what I am, I know what he is, and I see the garbage that's circulating out there.

 

Good luck to him indeed!!! hahahahahahahah.

 

I'm new on the forum and I can't find the personal message option? I want to send you a message because I feel like I can relate to you so much. If not do you have an email?

[KatZee]

I'm new on the forum and I can't find the personal message option? I want to send you a message because I feel like I can relate to you so much. If not do you have an email?

 

You are new, so you need to post more before you have the option to privately message other users. Hang around a bit, post, and then come back to me. I don't want to put my personal email out here for everyone to see.

[Delicate]

You are new, so you need to post more before you have the option to privately message other users. Hang around a bit, post, and then come back to me. I don't want to put my personal email out here for everyone to see.

 

Oooo okay! Gotcha!