bittersweet memories Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I disagree with this. When he does come back, and we go out, it's usually for some junior-high-school style stuff...movies, dinner, hand-holding, kissing. I recently asked if he's even interested in me physically anymore since he never asks me back to his place, and he said he wasn't going to "beg." I was like, huh? Since when does inviting me over equate to begging? But it doesn't seem like, for whatever reason, he wants things to remain sexual. However, he still tries to keep things date-like. It's just a very weird scenario. Again, I realize it's very possible he's got other women on the side but if he's not "into me" that way then I don't see why he's even bothering to waste time and money without sex. Maybe he's just taking it slow. Keeping his options open. Dating here and there. Just have fun and keep your options open as well.
jcrew11 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I don't understand, if you want to be exclusive, then ask him to be exclusive? If you are not monogamous, then you have no real right to complain whenever he is off seeing other women or doing other things without you. He's just living with the freedom that you are allowing him. If you don't want to casually date him, then kick him to the curb.
xxoo Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 "So....I've noticed that we get along really well, and then sometimes we don't talk at all for a weeks. What do you think that's about?" If you can have sex with him, surely you can have an honest conversation with him.
Tara247 Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 He's seeing other women. When he's not with you, talking to you, texting you, he's doing it with them. He's disrespecting you. He's not that into you, I'd move on.
Author plainjane79 Posted November 16, 2012 Author Posted November 16, 2012 Thanks all for the many insightful responses. I think I've known for the past few weeks, especially when the texts began dwindling to once a week, that the relationship had turned dead-end and I was going to have to leave or be left eventually. So I guess my question was less "What should I do?" and more "Anybody have any ideas, from experience or common sense, as to why a man would act this way?" I have always dated to find a life partner so what makes sense to me is meeting someone, dating for a month or two to see whether it's worth taking things to the next level, then either taking it to the next level or breaking things off and moving on. I can honestly say I've never encountered this weird limbo of dating a guy and then having him kind of half-assedly hang around (except for a couple of FWBs in my 20's but those were dead-end from the start.) I understand the concept of multi-dating and accept that it's common practice (though I do not do it and generally do not approve of the concept) but even so I always saw it as more of a maximizing of options to find "the one" and not just to waste time until something better comes along. Frankly, one of the main reasons I dated this guy was because I thought he might be more mature/relationship minded than the guys I usually date (late 20s to mid 30s.) For me, dating is very black and white. I either like you, or I don't. If I like you, I want to keep in touch and spend time with you. If not, go away. The end. I suppose this is why I was so perplexed by his behavior. But it is what it is, I suppose. I am going to have an honest talk with him, as some of you suggested, though I don't think it will end the way I want it to. But I figure at least this way I'll be true to my own philosophy of "Next level or clear-cut break-up." I don't date very much (never really have) so it will be difficult to disentangle myself emotionally from this guy if he's going to keep popping up every few days just as I am accepting that he's gone for good. Plus, as some of you have pointed out, I can't really blame him for acting this way if he doesn't have any idea what kind of a relationship I want from him. FWIW, I also don't think he will ever find a woman who knocks his socks off, because if he hasn't by now, I can't imagine what would suddenly change. But that's neither here or there, really, and doesn't concern me I suppose.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 FWIW, I also don't think he will ever find a woman who knocks his socks off, because if he hasn't by now, I can't imagine what would suddenly change. Yes, I hadn't really taken his age and evidently eternal singleness into consideration. He probably has a well established pattern of doing just what he's doing with you now. Probably really not a good candidate for what you are looking for. You'll find a good one! Don't waste too much time on those who aren't. 1
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