RudeLou Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I posted on here about a month ago explaining that my ex-girlfriend of 3.5 years had broken up with me. Turns out she started she heard her ex-boyfriend's brother had passed away. She started thinking about him while we were together, and pretty much left me to try to fix things with him. They were together 1.5 years and she wasn't happy with things then so my thinking is how are things going to be the same when she hasn't changed at all? Since the break up I started going to a therapist who pretty much is seeing that I changed myself in order to fit her into my life. My ex made me feel inadequate at times I'm a big guy, but I'm active and eat well I'm just big. I have been losing weight though. Well she's a pretty girl who is thin, and even though she would say she liked my size she did say this at times, "I bet other big guys are jealous of you because you're with me." That seriously messed with my head, but I didn't realize it until I started therapy. Now I feel a lot more confident and like myself again. The thing is she works at my families business. I could have her fired, but my thinking is okay here she's just an employee. And even though at times it hurts to see her here or have her sit with me during lunch I'm being mature and treating her as a co-worker. When we do ever get to talk she's always giving me mixed signals. She does things that she would do when we were together, but other days she'll be cold. At first I was looking for the attention, but now it's starting to fade. I know I screwed up and gave her an ego boost a couple weeks ago. But now when I feel like she's looking for one I'm more indifferent. I don't want to be her emotional tampon. If she needs to try and supplement her other relationship with me than I'm sorry you lost those privileges. It is hard because deep down I still love her, I see her everyday, and it's only been a month and a half. I have to catch myself from putting my arm around her or anything like that. The last couple of days she hugged me and kept her face near mine. I just walked away and said see you tomorrow. Then last week I had asked her a question and she said, "I'm not sure love." she caught herself and said, "oh I'm not sure." I'm not sure if I should ask her to quit or just be a man and deal with whatever is bothering me. Thanks for reading and letting me vent!
newmoon Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 by having her in the workplace she is a constant reminder of the relationship you had. you are being very 'big' about not having her fired and there is really no reason for that if you're able to maintain a good working relationship with her. plus, that would be heartless :-) it sounds like you're making strides to work on yourself which is excellent, so do not let her interfere with your progress. wait until you're satisfied with your inner and outer self before you even think about a reconciliation with her. then, if you still love her it might be ok to pursue something again. if you're changing and she's not... even a new relationship will go back to how it was. i'd also suggest finding a good eatery near your workplace and having lunch there instead of in the workroom with her, or eat alone at your desk or with other people so it's not just the two of you alone together. avoid her and don't allow her (or yourself) to fall back into a negative pattern, just do your job(s)
Author RudeLou Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 by having her in the workplace she is a constant reminder of the relationship you had. you are being very 'big' about not having her fired and there is really no reason for that if you're able to maintain a good working relationship with her. plus, that would be heartless :-) it sounds like you're making strides to work on yourself which is excellent, so do not let her interfere with your progress. wait until you're satisfied with your inner and outer self before you even think about a reconciliation with her. then, if you still love her it might be ok to pursue something again. if you're changing and she's not... even a new relationship will go back to how it was. i'd also suggest finding a good eatery near your workplace and having lunch there instead of in the workroom with her, or eat alone at your desk or with other people so it's not just the two of you alone together. avoid her and don't allow her (or yourself) to fall back into a negative pattern, just do your job(s) Thanks for the reply! I admit is it tough at times, especially when she invites me to lunch. Part of me feels that if I don't I'll lose her for good. But then I think her leaving to pursue someone else means I already lost her. Right now I don't know if I would want to pursue something with her again. But then again if she were to change and be open to it I can't say I wouldn't. Right now my focus is on myself and getting back my confidence and self-esteem. Yea everyone keeps telling me you need to fire her! But that's heartless and even though she was with me I couldn't live with myself to do that.
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