Facebook: The Green Monster

[aamfma3]

Hello everyone!

 

This my first post, I have been checking the forum for a while now. But only now have I got a problem.

 

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 and a half years. He are thinking about picking a date for our marriage in 2014.

 

We have each other’s passwords for everything. I actually think I never used his until the other day

 

Well I was reading an article which talked about a new feature on Facebook that saves EVERYTHING from the beginning of having it. And to top that off on Nov. 1 it started saving your searches on Facebook

 

I was dumb I admit, very dumb. I went to my boyfriend’s Facebook and had a look. I was curious. And I guess curiosity killed the cat. I saw that he has been looking at this girls profile every day. Sometimes twice a day. I am not sure what to make up of it.

He recently met her because she is a friends of his friend. We have our night out with our friends (without eachother) and he told me once she has gone along with her friends a few times.

 

I never really thought much of it until now. Why the need to look at her profile everyday?

 

I don’t really want to ask him because I kinda breached his privacy. And I am scared that he will become sneakier and hide stuff like this.

 

But I am feeling very insecure. Am I being dumb

 

They have absolutely no contact on Facebook, but then again Friday she will probably be with him

 

Help!

Edited November 14, 2012 by aamfma3
Added some info

[charlietheginger]

Tell him you think you both should

End facebook

You saw in tv that facebook is one

of the reasons couples have affairs....

[TigerCub]

I'd like to offer you something helpful but I'm sorry I'm not a relationship expert...

 

Yes, you shouldn't have snooped.

 

Yes, your boyfriend looks at her FB page because he at least thinks she's hot.

 

If your boyfriend hasn't given you any reason to doubt him in the 5 years you've been together, then I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt - until some flags are raised.

 

I know the night out with friends thing is supposed to be you guys separately hanging out with your own friends, but what would he say if you wanted to join them this coming friend's night? Would it be such a problem?

 

But honestly though, the solution isn't you crashing every "friends" night - so you may have to leave this alone for a while until he does something to make you doubt him.

 

But if its bugging you to the extent that you're insecure and you're upset when he goes out, you may have to confront him and see what he says.

 

I hope that others will respond to this and help you out, I really don't know the best way for you to go about all this.

[aamfma3]

I'd like to offer you something helpful but I'm sorry I'm not a relationship expert...

 

Yes, you shouldn't have snooped.

 

Yes, your boyfriend looks at her FB page because he at least thinks she's hot.

 

If your boyfriend hasn't given you any reason to doubt him in the 5 years you've been together, then I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt - until some flags are raised.

 

I know the night out with friends thing is supposed to be you guys separately hanging out with your own friends, but what would he say if you wanted to join them this coming friend's night? Would it be such a problem?

 

But honestly though, the solution isn't you crashing every "friends" night - so you may have to leave this alone for a while until he does something to make you doubt him.

 

But if its bugging you to the extent that you're insecure and you're upset when he goes out, you may have to confront him and see what he says.

 

I hope that others will respond to this and help you out, I really don't know the best way for you to go about all this.

 

 

Thanks Tiger helped a lot

 

We have had a rough 5 years. Both young when we started dating (I was 17 and he was 19).

 

He is my first. He had a few girlfriends before me.

 

The only thing that really worries me is that a while back we had an argument. A VERY bad argument. And he told me (he apologized after words for saying it) that I was not the only perfect girl out there, that there were other perfect girls out in the world (Yeah I kinda new that, but I thought I was his ONLY perfect girl). And this came after he had met this girl and her group of friends.

 

I am feeling very insecure. EVERYDAY he looks at her profile. Its bugging me a bunch.

 

I have met her once, for 5 minutes or so. Seems like a very nice girl. And she is lovely and very pretty.

 

Ugh sorry for the rant and thanks once again!

[TigerCub]

Thanks Tiger helped a lot

 

We have had a rough 5 years. Both young when we started dating (I was 17 and he was 19).

 

He is my first. He had a few girlfriends before me.

 

The only thing that really worries me is that a while back we had an argument. A VERY bad argument. And he told me (he apologized after words for saying it) that I was not the only perfect girl out there, that there were other perfect girls out in the world (Yeah I kinda new that, but I thought I was his ONLY perfect girl). And this came after he had met this girl and her group of friends.

 

I am feeling very insecure. EVERYDAY he looks at her profile. Its bugging me a bunch.

 

I have met her once, for 5 minutes or so. Seems like a very nice girl. And she is lovely and very pretty.

 

Ugh sorry for the rant and thanks once again!

 

You're welcome aamfma3

 

What he said during the fight must have been hurtful, and I see how it seems worse because it was after he met her and now you're connecting those two things, but it could also mean nothing and its just something said in the heat of the moment.

 

Honestly, if its bugging you so much, maybe you should discuss this with him and see what he says.

Personally I'd wait a little just to see what's up.

 

If he's not a cheater and hasn't betrayed you like that before, he's earned a little benefit of the doubt.

 

Good luck

[aamfma3]

You're welcome aamfma3

 

What he said during the fight must have been hurtful, and I see how it seems worse because it was after he met her and now you're connecting those two things, but it could also mean nothing and its just something said in the heat of the moment.

 

Honestly, if its bugging you so much, maybe you should discuss this with him and see what he says.

Personally I'd wait a little just to see what's up.

 

If he's not a cheater and hasn't betrayed you like that before, he's earned a little benefit of the doubt.

 

Good luck

 

It hurt. I know there are prettier women and smarter women out there, but to him I thought I had the whole package

 

And now this is making me so insecure that I am connecting things that happened. Ugh!

 

I'm gonna try and sleep on it and see how his Friday night outing goes. If he gets weird and stuff.

 

That I know of i have never been cheated on. However there is a rough past. Only this year did he come clean that once (while we were dating) he went to a stripclub. He told me he hadn't said anything because he knew I would get mad. Which is true I probably would because I am not a fan, but I would have apreciated the honesty. And one year he went on vaction to Spain with his buddies and I found a picture of his hands grabbing the bottom of a local girl and smiling. He said nothing happened. I believe him but its still in the back of my mind...there I go on with my rant

 

I will probably talk to him about it. Ugh thats gonna suck-

[MrCastle]

Delete your facebook. Facebook has never brought a couple closer together or sparked a flame in their romance.

 

It creates distance, arguments, and jealousy.

 

Facebook is not for couples.

[todreaminblue]

Hello everyone!

 

This my first post, I have been checking the forum for a while now. But only now have I got a problem.

 

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 and a half years. He are thinking about picking a date for our marriage in 2014.

 

We have each other’s passwords for everything. I actually think I never used his until the other day

 

Well I was reading an article which talked about a new feature on Facebook that saves EVERYTHING from the beginning of having it. And to top that off on Nov. 1 it started saving your searches on Facebook

 

I was dumb I admit, very dumb. I went to my boyfriend’s Facebook and had a look. I was curious. And I guess curiosity killed the cat. I saw that he has been looking at this girls profile every day. Sometimes twice a day. I am not sure what to make up of it.

He recently met her because she is a friends of his friend. We have our night out with our friends (without eachother) and he told me once she has gone along with her friends a few times.

 

I never really thought much of it until now. Why the need to look at her profile everyday?

 

I don’t really want to ask him because I kinda breached his privacy. And I am scared that he will become sneakier and hide stuff like this.

 

But I am feeling very insecure. Am I being dumb

 

They have absolutely no contact on Facebook, but then again Friday she will probably be with him

 

Help!

 

 

I think you need to tell the truth to your boyfriend and yes he will be angry but i think that this will only cause a rift in your relationship a deeper rift than if you face him with what you feel.....it is horrible to face a boyfriend with something you know he is going to be upset about, the thing is though if you dont this is what will happen

you will stew every time he goes out,

you are going to continue checking his page,

you will always be insecure that is why you are posting here,

you are going to go through jealousy and eventually you wont be stewing anymore you are going to boil over and it will be a whole lot worse than if you face it now.......get it out before you boil

I agree with mr castle face book isn't for couples, check up on kids yes, keep in contact with family and friends who are not accessible yes....is it necessary though.......no..there's snail mail mobiles home phones...email.......when you are in a relationship face book can cause more problems than not.........i wish you the best ...open up to your boyfriend face the guy who is going to be pissed at you and maybe you can solve this....good luck...deb

[charlietheginger]

Maybe they do have facebook contact

He just deletes the emails....

 

Goto his sent messages but he can delete them

Also...

 

Your best bet is to gps track his moves

Install the app on his cellphone

Or a gps on his car....

[raea]

 

Your best bet is to gps track his moves

Install the app on his cellphone

Or a gps on his car....

 

Wow, he checks a girls profile and you jump to PI moves?

 

If you've been together 5 years, I truly would hope by now you've managed to work on communication, OP. I had a similar thing happen with my boyfriend after 5 MONTHS. I asked him about it, admitted i looked when I shouldn't, we discussed it, we set boundaries, and we've been fine ever since.

 

if this a man you plan to marry, you need to be able to communicate and work through problems. I say ask him.

[aamfma3]

Delete your facebook. Facebook has never brought a couple closer together or sparked a flame in their romance.

 

It creates distance, arguments, and jealousy.

 

Facebook is not for couples.

 

 

Thank you very much

 

Awhile back I talked to him about that and he said that there was nothing wrong with it. He wasn't doing anything wrong on it. It was just to keep in touch with his friend’s.

 

I understood and didn’t bring it up again. Should I ask him again to delete Facebook again?

 

Thanks!

[aamfma3]

I think you need to tell the truth to your boyfriend and yes he will be angry but i think that this will only cause a rift in your relationship a deeper rift than if you face him with what you feel.....it is horrible to face a boyfriend with something you know he is going to be upset about, the thing is though if you dont this is what will happen

you will stew every time he goes out,

you are going to continue checking his page,

you will always be insecure that is why you are posting here,

you are going to go through jealousy and eventually you wont be stewing anymore you are going to boil over and it will be a whole lot worse than if you face it now.......get it out before you boil

I agree with mr castle face book isn't for couples, check up on kids yes, keep in contact with family and friends who are not accessible yes....is it necessary though.......no..there's snail mail mobiles home phones...email.......when you are in a relationship face book can cause more problems than not.........i wish you the best ...open up to your boyfriend face the guy who is going to be pissed at you and maybe you can solve this....good luck...deb

 

Thank you very much!

 

It is stewing like crazy! I have gone back and checked and he has not looked her up....yet.

 

I think I am gonna wait till after Friday (he is going out with his friends and she is probably gonna be there).

 

Thanks.

 

BTW do you consider it a red flag?

[aamfma3]

Maybe they do have facebook contact

He just deletes the emails....

 

Goto his sent messages but he can delete them

Also...

 

Your best bet is to gps track his moves

Install the app on his cellphone

Or a gps on his car....

 

 

Thank you

 

Track him? OMG I am freakin out. so you consider him checking her facebook a red flag?

 

Thanks

[aamfma3]

Wow, he checks a girls profile and you jump to PI moves?

 

If you've been together 5 years, I truly would hope by now you've managed to work on communication, OP. I had a similar thing happen with my boyfriend after 5 MONTHS. I asked him about it, admitted i looked when I shouldn't, we discussed it, we set boundaries, and we've been fine ever since.

 

if this a man you plan to marry, you need to be able to communicate and work through problems. I say ask him.

 

What if he denies? And then becomes sneakier?

 

It could be nothing, it could be something. And I am scared if it is something he will just be sneakier about it. It's happened to so many people.

 

is it normal to be in a relationship and crush on other people?

[AlexDP]

Facebook is really starting to take things a bit too far. Should we really allow companies to have such a close look at our private thoughts? Google isn't any better, but why do we keep accepting this stuff?

[Drseussgrrl]

This type of crap is exactly why I don't have FB.

 

For the record, I browsed the history on my ex's Mac and saw where he had basically stalked a woman on FB. Two days later, we broke up and a month later, they were tagged together at a wedding.

 

We were in the middle of planning our own wedding, having been together for four years.

 

Facebook is Satan.

[Under The Radar]

This type of crap is exactly why I don't have FB.

 

For the record, I browsed the history on my ex's Mac and saw where he had basically stalked a woman on FB. Two days later, we broke up and a month later, they were tagged together at a wedding.

 

We were in the middle of planning our own wedding, having been together for four years.

 

Facebook is Satan.

 

 

That's horrible! Sorry you had to go through that .

[aamfma3]

This type of crap is exactly why I don't have FB.

 

For the record, I browsed the history on my ex's Mac and saw where he had basically stalked a woman on FB. Two days later, we broke up and a month later, they were tagged together at a wedding.

 

We were in the middle of planning our own wedding, having been together for four years.

 

Facebook is Satan.

 

 

Really? were there any redflags like him talking to her etc? what made you go through his history?

 

thanks

[Mme. Chaucer]

This type of crap is exactly why I don't have FB.

 

For the record, I browsed the history on my ex's Mac and saw where he had basically stalked a woman on FB. Two days later, we broke up and a month later, they were tagged together at a wedding.

 

We were in the middle of planning our own wedding, having been together for four years.

 

Facebook is Satan.

 

Yikes. I'm sorry. If I'd had an experience like this one, I'd dump Facebook too.

[Drseussgrrl]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but here goes.

 

My ex and I were both in his sister's wedding party, and this other woman was the wedding coordinator/planner. I had gotten to know her pretty well through the bachelorette party, wedding planning, etc.

 

His sister was also in MY wedding party (that never happened). This woman (her name is Debbie - yes DEBBIE haha) was a childhood friend of my ex's sister growing up.

 

No, no red flags. My ex is pretty friendly with everyone, although I guess he could have been flirting with her right in front of me and I didn't realize it.

 

This was last summer. They are now engaged and she's about 8-9 months pregnant.

[aamfma3]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but here goes.

 

My ex and I were both in his sister's wedding party, and this other woman was the wedding coordinator/planner. I had gotten to know her pretty well through the bachelorette party, wedding planning, etc.

 

His sister was also in MY wedding party (that never happened). This woman (her name is Debbie - yes DEBBIE haha) was a childhood friend of my ex's sister growing up.

 

No, no red flags. My ex is pretty friendly with everyone, although I guess he could have been flirting with her right in front of me and I didn't realize it.

 

This was last summer. They are now engaged and she's about 8-9 months pregnant.

 

I am so sorry you had to go through that!

 

I am freakin out. I am so sorry for the bombardment of questions but I am overwhelmed! Was your relationship rocky?

 

I dont have a clue how to approach him. what if he denies?

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP - even though I think it was wrong of you to snoop - and, are you just generally insecure, or what prompted that?

 

Anyway, you did it and there is no pretending, as you continue with this relationship, to pretend that you did not. It's going to drive you crazy. It's a huge "elephant in the room" situation.

 

So, you are going to have to come clean about it and hear what he has to say. And see if there is a resolution possible.

 

It might be a make-or-brake moment in this relationship.

[Drseussgrrl]

I don't mean to freak you out.

 

It's just been my experience that way too many opportunities arise for people on FB to cheat. It's cited in MANY divorce cases.

 

Every single friend of the opposite sex added, you wonder. Every time someone is tagged with your sig other somewhere, you wonder. Every "like" or "comment" that can be perceived in different ways, you wonder.

 

And I mean, what does all this add up to? Jack sh*t. How does this add to your life or your relationship in ANY capacity? It doesn't. Facebook is a means for people to portray themselves in the best possible light and every "like" or "comment" they get serves to validate them in a very inauthentic way.

 

When I made the decision to delete my account, I worried that my social life would suffer. It's only been a few days, but guess what? My friends still call, invite me to do stuff, nothing really has changed. What HAS changed is that I feel a lot more calm. I have time to do sh*t like cook. I'm not trying to tag myself all over town to look cool to people I don't even talk to, or worrying if a picture I added was pretty enough.

 

Something to think about.

[aamfma3]

I don't mean to freak you out.

 

It's just been my experience that way too many opportunities arise for people on FB to cheat. It's cited in MANY divorce cases.

 

Every single friend of the opposite sex added, you wonder. Every time someone is tagged with your sig other somewhere, you wonder. Every "like" or "comment" that can be perceived in different ways, you wonder.

 

And I mean, what does all this add up to? Jack sh*t. How does this add to your life or your relationship in ANY capacity? It doesn't. Facebook is a means for people to portray themselves in the best possible light and every "like" or "comment" they get serves to validate them in a very inauthentic way.

 

When I made the decision to delete my account, I worried that my social life would suffer. It's only been a few days, but guess what? My friends still call, invite me to do stuff, nothing really has changed. What HAS changed is that I feel a lot more calm. I have time to do sh*t like cook. I'm not trying to tag myself all over town to look cool to people I don't even talk to, or worrying if a picture I added was pretty enough.

 

Something to think about.

 

Thank you

[aamfma3]

Sorry, but I think he really wants to sex her up. He is a male looking at the pretty female on daily bases. What do you think his motivations are? read her updates? Unless it is a new picture of a new perfect girl he met.

 

You know if you will have another bad fight, he will jump ship and get with that sexy angel of perfection and kindness.

 

:(:(

 

I am freakin out