backatthis Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Last weekend I met a girl at a bar and went out on our first date last night. The night started with me picking her up at her house. From there we went to dinner at a nice, yet casual restaurant in town. We had enough to talk about but I will admit there were a few times where there were some awkward silences, or that felt like we were stretching for something to say. I don’t know...I guess it wasn't any more awkward then any other first date at first, although I don't have a ton of first date experience to compare it to. Anyways, overall I'd say our dinner was pretty good. She smiled and laughed a lot. When we were done eating, we sat there for a little bit and talked but it was still a bit early. I asked if she would like to call it a night or do something else. She said it doesn’t matter but basically she wanted me to decide so I did. I suggested going back to my place to watch a movie and she agreed. I gradually sat closer to her until we were basically sitting against each other. I didn't neccassily put my arm around her as the way my couch is it would have been awkward and uncomfortable for her, but I did put it sort of behind her across the top of the couch back. In addition, at one point I put my hand on her leg/thigh (in a way that was appropriate) and left it there for a while. She did not seem to object to any of this. We watched a comedy and she was laughing during the movie, and joked about things here and there. After the movie it was time to take her home. When I pulled into her driveway, she didn’t seem to be in a huge rush to get out of my car. She finished telling me a story she in the middle of and thanked me for the night. I told her I had fun with her and she agreed. I walked her to her door where again she did not seem to be in a rush to go inside. Then probably the most awkward part of the night happened. She gave me a hug to say goodbye. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and returned the hug. I don’t know, the kiss on the cheek seemed a bit awkward to me and I think I regret that part. I guess the night wasn’t terrible but there are a few things that worry me: First, neither one of us said anything that would make me think she would like to go out with me again, and by that I mean at the end of the night, neither one of us said anything like,” we should do this again” or something along those lines. Second, I’ve been on a few first dates where, after her and I part ways, she will text me saying she had a good time that same night. Didn’t get that this time, although I know everyone is different. Finally, while she didn’t seem to mind any of the physical things (sitting close during the move, me putting my hand on her leg…) she didn’t return any of it either. As far how good I feel the date went…I think it went well enough for me to ask for a second date, but not well enough for me to be confident she will say yes. Having said that, I have two questions: 1) should I feel good about this date? Reading what I just typed, it kind of sounds like I should but I don’t know. I kind for feel like either she is the type to let the man push things along or she is unsure about seeing me again. And 2) what do I do from here? I was thinking of sending her a text at some point today (she told me she is not really one to talk on the phone much), saying I had a good time with her last night and that I would like to take her out again this weekend. Would this be okay? Is it too soon? Or should I stick with the thought process that, if she is into me "timing" of things doesn't really matter (to a certian extent, obviously).
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I don't know that it was such a good move to invite her back to your place on the first date. It doesn't sound like you are just looking for sex at all from your post, but sometimes that is the impression it gives women. Although I suppose she could have said no if she had a problem with it. Sorry I don't have more insight for you.
Author backatthis Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 I don't know that it was such a good move to invite her back to your place on the first date. It doesn't sound like you are just looking for sex at all from your post, but sometimes that is the impression it gives women. Although I suppose she could have said no if she had a problem with it. Sorry I don't have more insight for you. I absolutely was not just looking for sex. In fact it wasn’t even on my mind. I think (or maybe I hope, rather) she knew that and at no point did I try to move things in that direction. However, I can see what you are saying and I really didn’t think of that. She didn’t seem to be uncomfortable or anything though. And yes, she could have said no or suggested something else.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I'm more interested in what movie you were watching because the date seemed pretty boring overall. You didn't make any kind of moves to show any romantic interest, yet you invite a girl back to your place...which was a bit apprehensive considering that nothing really took place so far other than mildly entertaining banter, but she took to it anyway because she liked you or at least was interested and trusting enough to do so, and then you still had to question whether she was interested in you, while another guy would have probably made the moves and maybe even slept with her that night. You don't know if she was interested in that or not. I'm not saying that's the route you should have went at all, I'm just saying for the kind of scenario you were in there didn't seem to be a lot of clicking, tension/chemistry between the two of you and you probably hesitated one too many times and didn't get up the courage to make a move...therefore my call is you basically dropped the ball, because you should have at least had her close to you (arm around her, holding her, something like that), if not kissing/making out or some kind of intimacy, if the interest and attraction something is going to happen. Then you seal it with a kiss on the cheek and a hug at her door...are you trying to dry out this woman's vagina? or show her she was just "alright"? What do you think it looks like from her end? I went out with this guy, had an ok time...he invited me back to his place, saw a movie, he put his hand on my leg but didn't show anymore interest than that, then drives me home where I try to stall the night once again and he just walks me to the front door, kisses my cheek and hugs be goodbye? ugh, this guy needs more confidence, is he even interested? Women expect you to be the aggressor and make the moves, they don't want typically want to be the first in all cases (although some will rape you but you're not there yet) so you've got to set the tone and gauge their interest/comfort level. Maybe I'm off, hell I don't know what other guys do on their dates, I'm not a woman I don't go on them but from the tales that men tell and even the women, this seems like a pretty dry and bland date. Maybe she's the conservative type and enjoys that you took it slow (doubtful but let's play "make that excuse!"), after all you didn't put the moves on and force a situation...however at the same time this doesn't mean you have to just put a dead fish either, you could have at least gazed into her eyes a little bit, flirted playfully, there's a million other ways you can do things even if you're not jumping into bed which I have no opposition to, but you do have to show some intrigue, interest, charm, for her to be interested in seeing you. You need to call this woman tomorrow, or today whatever day it is! and ask her out again, and if she gives you that chance then you need to at least express more interest towards her and make some kind of a move...it doesn't need to be a finger in the vagina, especially if there's a string down there, but you've gotta add more flavors to this drink or if she hasn't already, you'll be written off.
paperboy48 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I'm more interested in what movie you were watching because the date seemed pretty boring overall. You didn't make any kind of moves to show any romantic interest, yet you invite a girl back to your place...which was a bit apprehensive considering that nothing really took place so far other than mildly entertaining banter, but she took to it anyway because she liked you or at least was interested and trusting enough to do so, and then you still had to question whether she was interested in you, while another guy would have probably made the moves and maybe even slept with her that night. You don't know if she was interested in that or not. I'm not saying that's the route you should have went at all, I'm just saying for the kind of scenario you were in there didn't seem to be a lot of clicking, tension/chemistry between the two of you and you probably hesitated one too many times and didn't get up the courage to make a move...therefore my call is you basically dropped the ball, because you should have at least had her close to you (arm around her, holding her, something like that), if not kissing/making out or some kind of intimacy, if the interest and attraction something is going to happen. Then you seal it with a kiss on the cheek and a hug at her door...are you trying to dry out this woman's vagina? or show her she was just "alright"? What do you think it looks like from her end? I went out with this guy, had an ok time...he invited me back to his place, saw a movie, he put his hand on my leg but didn't show anymore interest than that, then drives me home where I try to stall the night once again and he just walks me to the front door, kisses my cheek and hugs be goodbye? ugh, this guy needs more confidence, is he even interested? Women expect you to be the aggressor and make the moves, they don't want typically want to be the first in all cases (although some will rape you but you're not there yet) so you've got to set the tone and gauge their interest/comfort level. Maybe I'm off, hell I don't know what other guys do on their dates, I'm not a woman I don't go on them but from the tales that men tell and even the women, this seems like a pretty dry and bland date. Maybe she's the conservative type and enjoys that you took it slow (doubtful but let's play "make that excuse!"), after all you didn't put the moves on and force a situation...however at the same time this doesn't mean you have to just put a dead fish either, you could have at least gazed into her eyes a little bit, flirted playfully, there's a million other ways you can do things even if you're not jumping into bed which I have no opposition to, but you do have to show some intrigue, interest, charm, for her to be interested in seeing you. You need to call this woman tomorrow, or today whatever day it is! and ask her out again, and if she gives you that chance then you need to at least express more interest towards her and make some kind of a move...it doesn't need to be a finger in the vagina, especially if there's a string down there, but you've gotta add more flavors to this drink or if she hasn't already, you'll be written off. Ok, we seriously need some women to express their viewpoint on this...if there is no major phyiscal interaction from a guy on a first date - does that make the date dull? What if the guy is being courteous and doesn't want to make the girl do something she's not ready for. I mean its a first date, you are just meeting each other, are you really going to lock lips and go for 2nd base on the first date? C'mon ladies - we need you to let us what's what here?
Author backatthis Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 I'm more interested in what movie you were watching because the date seemed pretty boring overall. You didn't make any kind of moves to show any romantic interest, yet you invite a girl back to your place...which was a bit apprehensive considering that nothing really took place so far other than mildly entertaining banter, but she took to it anyway because she liked you or at least was interested and trusting enough to do so, and then you still had to question whether she was interested in you, while another guy would have probably made the moves and maybe even slept with her that night. You don't know if she was interested in that or not. I'm not saying that's the route you should have went at all, I'm just saying for the kind of scenario you were in there didn't seem to be a lot of clicking, tension/chemistry between the two of you and you probably hesitated one too many times and didn't get up the courage to make a move...therefore my call is you basically dropped the ball, because you should have at least had her close to you (arm around her, holding her, something like that), if not kissing/making out or some kind of intimacy, if the interest and attraction something is going to happen. Then you seal it with a kiss on the cheek and a hug at her door...are you trying to dry out this woman's vagina? or show her she was just "alright"? What do you think it looks like from her end? I went out with this guy, had an ok time...he invited me back to his place, saw a movie, he put his hand on my leg but didn't show anymore interest than that, then drives me home where I try to stall the night once again and he just walks me to the front door, kisses my cheek and hugs be goodbye? ugh, this guy needs more confidence, is he even interested? Women expect you to be the aggressor and make the moves, they don't want typically want to be the first in all cases (although some will rape you but you're not there yet) so you've got to set the tone and gauge their interest/comfort level. Maybe I'm off, hell I don't know what other guys do on their dates, I'm not a woman I don't go on them but from the tales that men tell and even the women, this seems like a pretty dry and bland date. Maybe she's the conservative type and enjoys that you took it slow (doubtful but let's play "make that excuse!"), after all you didn't put the moves on and force a situation...however at the same time this doesn't mean you have to just put a dead fish either, you could have at least gazed into her eyes a little bit, flirted playfully, there's a million other ways you can do things even if you're not jumping into bed which I have no opposition to, but you do have to show some intrigue, interest, charm, for her to be interested in seeing you. You need to call this woman tomorrow, or today whatever day it is! and ask her out again, and if she gives you that chance then you need to at least express more interest towards her and make some kind of a move...it doesn't need to be a finger in the vagina, especially if there's a string down there, but you've gotta add more flavors to this drink or if she hasn't already, you'll be written off. Wow, that might be a bit harsh. I admit there was probably some hesitation on my part but I'm not looking for just someone to sleep with. She very well could have been thinking along the lines you mentioned as far as how she perceived the date, but at the same time, what you are saying has never been my style...I still open doors, both building and car, for my date, I pull her chair out at the restaurant, and yes, walk her to her door at the end of the night. I understand this is not necessarily enough to get the job done, but as I said...it was our first date. Assuming I'm not just looking for sex, isn't the first date supposed to be the time to learn more about each other? After all, we met a few nights before, randomly, at a bar. Paperboy is right; I would really like to hear some female opinions about this.
Recommended Posts