lalalandman Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I started posting here on LS back in July 2010 after a falling out with my ex and had a major breakup with her in May 2011. I wanted to post today because, well, I was so used to writing everything about the breakup here, and at this point, I think I owe it to myself and the LS community to keep an accurate account of everything that has transpired since the breakup. My story is valuable to LS. I'm sleeping next to my girlfriend when my phone starts buzzing at 1:30am last night. It's Blocked Call, and even though it's been about 4-5 months since our last contact, I already know it's her. The missed call is followed by a text from her which reads "You still make me cry". Really? Let me just say how valuable NC can be after a breakup. It's a great way of moving on and healing. Let me also say that, in retrospect, I realize how I twisted NC around in a way that turned into me just outright ignoring her. I used NC in the worst of ways: to try and get back with her, to get back AT her, to help myself feel better, to feel on top, as a useless mindgame, etc. You get the point. I gave into a lot of the NC hype, and I realize that I twisted what would have been a great healing tool into a manipulative tactic. And all it brought me, and her, was more hurt. And more bitterness. In the past, I would ignore a text like this, because it made me feel powerful. It made me feel in control, and on top. I wanted her to crawl through broken glass, and come begging for me back. But manipulation is the worst way to acheive anything. We tell ourselves that begging is the worst thing anyone can do, so why would we want this from someone else? I almost don't know how to respond to this text, but I feel like an apology is in order. I admit that I care for her, and probably always will.
Chi townD Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Let me just say how valuable NC can be after a breakup. It's a great way of moving on and healing. That's all NC is ever intended for. People get under the impression that once you go NC you can never, ever, EVER have contact with that person again. Which is entirely untrue. You can have contact with an Ex when all romantic feelings for your Ex is gone and when you think of your Ex, the only thing you feel is indifferent towards them. Then, it's okay. But, not a moment before. But, it's a double edge sword. Our Ex's got us interested in the first place, so they know which buttons to push to try and lure you back in. To try an have you develop feelings for them again. People have to be aware of that as well.
Mcnulty Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 In retrospect i would say it's fine to be in touch with your ex once you have reached indifference, but if they left you for someone you know NEVER be their friend again. It will only bring you a great big friggin mess! You will have a friendship with the ex maybe and that may bring you some inner peace, but that 3rd wheel will still be around..in your head, in her head and in conversations you have with them. It will be the big ****ing elephant in the room and it wont go away. This subject isn't a huge part of this site, it's way down the line and I understand that, but it's a problematic head**** believe me. Just thought i'd highlight it a little as some people on here may get to this point in the future...beware, that's all I can say. Evaluate where you're at with your life..if you have a GF don't do it. We have similiar ongoing health issues that brought us together as friends, common ground, but that will dissipate and so will the friendship I think.
headsashed Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I agree with chitown,NC should only be used to heal,and it works wonders when you use it for that. Some people use it as a manipulating tool to get their ex to miss them etc,im guess that rarely works? Well its never worked for me lol,not that ive ever used NC to win an ex back. When you sit and think about it all,before mobile phones,facebook and all that was invented the only solution was NC because we had no choice,it was much easier them days. I remember breaking up with my 1st long term gf,mobile phones were just hitting the market but we couldnt really afford them,when we broke up there was no way of contact her,well only through a landline,but we both lived with parents then,i mean,id hate an ex's parents to feel like i was stalking an ex lol. Theres was no facebook stalking either because it wasnt around then. So much easier to get over a break up those days. Its hard as hell now isnt it,facebook is too easy now to just unblock and see whats going on in their life and even in a moment of weakness its so easy to text them. Bring back the old days i say
cavalier99 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 (edited) I'm confused. How did use use NC to manipulate? Were the mind games just on yourself? Or did you actually break NC a few time to play games? I myself am using NC to heal but at the same time I have the occasional fantasy of her coming back begging. Or me ignoring a text fromher and wondering how she will feel, and what she is thinking now etcetera. I guess these thoughts are normal on occasion. I'm 6 weeks NC and WILL NOT break it. I know she isnt coming back and she isnt pining over me with her new guy (if they are still even together). I just imagine Im nothing to her and whatever we had is 110% dead. I wouldnt call her if you have a new girl friend. Why?? Unless you really truly want to catch up. I hope to be were you are one day and have this choice with total indifference. Edited November 14, 2012 by cavalier99
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