Sigmille Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 One of the guys in one of my graduate classes (I'm 27, he's 23) asked me for my number during one of my classes. I said sure, he seems like a nice guy, attractive, and it would be good to get to know him because we are both going on the same trip abroad for one of our electives next year. We've now gone on 3 dates (2 dinners and a show) and they've all gone nicely. We have a lot in common but we also unfortunately have the same work/school load and only have the weekends to have free time. I'm also semi-feeling-it, not 100% interested. My question is... should I go on a couple of more dates with this guy and see if my interest in him evolves? If it doesn't, I can't exactly call it completely quits because we still have to go on this same trip next spring. So if it doesn't, how do I tell him kindly that I'm not interested without ruining a friendship for the trip? One of the other things that gets me is that his family is very religious (he mentioned that he has a couple of uncles who are ministers), and I'm not. At all. I haven't brought that up but I have a feeling that me lacking religious beliefs wouldn't work out with his. He also has a bible quote on his Facebook, which leads me to believe he may not take kindly to my view on religion. I don't mind that he is and would welcome trying to work it out if it became an issue, but I've found that the other way around is not as understanding. Thoughts?
Balzac Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Grad school is a temporary existence in a sheltered environment. If you enjoy your dates, why kill it? At some point the relationship will progress or not, that's well within your control. Apparently sex hasn't entered the dynamic.
Author Sigmille Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 Balzac - True, why kill it indeed. I do enjoy them and my time with him, so I can test the waters for a couple more dates. I just don't want to lead him on if it's not going to go much further. Nope, sex isn't in the picture and I won't take it there if I feel there's the chance that it doesn't progress. Hawaii50 - Yea, I'm a believer in the spark as well, which is why I was kind of uncertain with this. But I also believe that getting to know someone could bring about a spark at some point, so we'll see. I'm going to try to be as mature about this as I can, not only because of the trip circumstance, but also because I can tell he's falling for me and I don't want him to feel bad or string him along. I guess I shouldn't tell him that I'm iffy about this? He wants to hang out at his place this weekend, which I feel is him taking it the next step. If it's a no go after that night, I'm not sure what to say. Thanks but I'm not feeling it but let's keep in touch? No idea, seems harsh. We haven't kissed yet after any of the dates, just hugs. Then again, I was also sick the last two times and the opportunity didn't present itself.
Balzac Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 No disagreement on chemistry. Often grad school romantic relationships are for convenience. Common goals, advance knowledge of the logical ending date. Fun to have a regular companionship, socialize, get laid regularly. People move on from grad school. Post docs, jobs, it's life. Don't make it more than it is.
Author Sigmille Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 Thanks Balzac, your logical insights are very refreshing.
Balzac Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Thanks for the positive comments. Your sole goal in grad school is to survive while enjoying the sheltered environment!! At age 27 I suspect you've been in the adult world of work? Often grad students don't remain on the academic track straight through. He's an intelligent adult, he can deal with his decisions. If he's wife shopping in grad school, that's on him. No mention of your program but if it's MBA or JD, summers are usually far flung job to gain future opportunity. Hard science is a bit of a longer run and same geography.
Author Sigmille Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 That's true! Yes, I've been working full time while going to grad school full time. I'm hoping that at 23 he's not wife shopping. I'm definitely not looking for anything that serious until I'm done, hopefully in a year and a half. I don't have too much time to dedicate to someone although it is nice to have someone around to have a good time with.
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