Guy Says He Is Interested, but plays HOT & COLD! He says he doesn't want to bug me!

[LetMyGuardDown]

 

So we've know each other for about 5 years now. We used to work together but it was strictly professional back then. Well we reconnected and have been in contact for about 4 months. About 2-3 months ago we started to become more mentally intimate. I shared with him that I have been celibate for 5 years and I believe that drew his interest more thinking he may be the one to crack me. Anyhow, he always made the effort and usually initiated contact. I mean he was "hot" not "cold". In the last month, he has gradually pulled away. When he did this at first, I would send a text every other day..not bombard him with texts or phone calls. Quite recently, he stopped again, and after a few days of him initiating contact with me. He usually contacts me while he is at work and not when he is not at work like he did at first. We both have kids, his kids being older and he does have joint custody of them...and my kids are younger but I still make the time to send a txt or call....anyway, there was a recent period when we didn't have any contact, and it seemed like he was surprised I was alright with that..in that I didn't need validation or reassurance from him. So he called at night, about the time he would usually arrive from home, I missed that call..not intentionally though I was doing something. Then the next night he calls again about the same time. So this time we talk, even though it was 5-6 minutes..he was asking me how I was and wanted to know what I have been up to. Was he a little bit insecure that I wasn't contacting him? In the beginning he says he respect me and that he knows I respect him and that we should just "go with the flow" but I didn't know that wanting to sleep with me would be part of this. He will call me "babe" or "my girl" when I don't have a title! He calls quite a few other women these names btw. So I don't feel special when he says it. He also calls me "beautiful" and when he called me over the phone he greeted me as "hey sexy" which I thought was playful and funny but I don't feel fireworks when I hear them. I do like him A LOT though. If I break my celibacy vow, I would want it to be with him, but I think I would be the one to end up wanting more out of it..such as a serious relationship. He's always complimenting me on how he admires me as a single mother actually doing what I need to do to take care of my kids, knows I am educated and "wholesome" but as some kind of hint that I have that sexy side, too! So why is he acting so hot and cold? Is he not sure now? Is this a game? I told him I don't toy with people's emotions and vice versa. I am in my early 30s he is in his early 40s. I'd think he'd be too old for games! Today he mentioned that contacts with me every two days or so because he doesn't want to always bug me by contacting me. Well, he wasn't that way when he heavily pursued me in the beginning? Now he is worried about bugging me? I don't get it! What should I do with this one? I value me and my time...should I just wait it out a little? I know I will try my best to mirror his actions. But what do you think? I thought that didn't matter if the person you like knew you liked them as well...he told me today that YES, he is interested.

 

Should I play this game with him?

[todreaminblue]

 

So we've know each other for about 5 years now. We used to work together but it was strictly professional back then. Well we reconnected and have been in contact for about 4 months. About 2-3 months ago we started to become more mentally intimate. I shared with him that I have been celibate for 5 years and I believe that drew his interest more thinking he may be the one to crack me. Anyhow, he always made the effort and usually initiated contact. I mean he was "hot" not "cold". In the last month, he has gradually pulled away. When he did this at first, I would send a text every other day..not bombard him with texts or phone calls. Quite recently, he stopped again, and after a few days of him initiating contact with me. He usually contacts me while he is at work and not when he is not at work like he did at first. We both have kids, his kids being older and he does have joint custody of them...and my kids are younger but I still make the time to send a txt or call....anyway, there was a recent period when we didn't have any contact, and it seemed like he was surprised I was alright with that..in that I didn't need validation or reassurance from him. So he called at night, about the time he would usually arrive from home, I missed that call..not intentionally though I was doing something. Then the next night he calls again about the same time. So this time we talk, even though it was 5-6 minutes..he was asking me how I was and wanted to know what I have been up to. Was he a little bit insecure that I wasn't contacting him? In the beginning he says he respect me and that he knows I respect him and that we should just "go with the flow" but I didn't know that wanting to sleep with me would be part of this. He will call me "babe" or "my girl" when I don't have a title! He calls quite a few other women these names btw. So I don't feel special when he says it. He also calls me "beautiful" and when he called me over the phone he greeted me as "hey sexy" which I thought was playful and funny but I don't feel fireworks when I hear them. I do like him A LOT though. If I break my celibacy vow, I would want it to be with him, but I think I would be the one to end up wanting more out of it..such as a serious relationship. He's always complimenting me on how he admires me as a single mother actually doing what I need to do to take care of my kids, knows I am educated and "wholesome" but as some kind of hint that I have that sexy side, too! So why is he acting so hot and cold? Is he not sure now? Is this a game? I told him I don't toy with people's emotions and vice versa. I am in my early 30s he is in his early 40s. I'd think he'd be too old for games! Today he mentioned that contacts with me every two days or so because he doesn't want to always bug me by contacting me. Well, he wasn't that way when he heavily pursued me in the beginning? Now he is worried about bugging me? I don't get it! What should I do with this one? I value me and my time...should I just wait it out a little? I know I will try my best to mirror his actions. But what do you think? I thought that didn't matter if the person you like knew you liked them as well...he told me today that YES, he is interested.

 

Should I play this game with him?

 

No I dont think you should play the game with him....and at the start of your post you said you had a feeling that he wanted to crack your celibacy.......why not just tell him that until you have a serious relationship you are not interested in sex even if you are interested.....see his response then make him think its not going to happen if he sticks around then yes maybe he isnt an operator.....do you really want to give up your celibacy to a player........wouldnt it be better to keep it for someone who really does care about you and want to be serious......

what if there is a chance when he has finished having sex with you he discards you how would you feel then....it isnt worth that feeling you would have....i wish the best for you.......good luck.....deb

[Tara247]

Move on. He is only interested in sex. Your clue is the infrequent, unreliable contact, and the "sexy" names he calls you. And remember, you said he is calling other women those names. If you give up the sex, he will fade away soon after that.