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i broke up with my bf

xpaperxcutx

By xpaperxcutx
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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I broke up with my bf last night. I argued and I took our conversation to a point where I knew I would hurt him. Usually after a fight he would reach out to me because he knew I had anger issues andhe would want me to learn to manage my anger better nut today he neither called or texted me.

 

I feel empty not only bexause I felt like I made a mistake but also because outside of him and us, I really had nothing. My best friend hasn't gotten back to me and I realize I had no other friend to call. I don't want to jump bavk into the relationship out of loniliness but I di know I love him yet, I'm also too prideful to admt I'm wrong. I don't know what to do

ImperfectionisBeauty Established Member

ImperfectionisBeauty

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Aww well first of all I'm sorry that happened to you.

I think you should give yourself a few days to cool down and let the situation settle and then maybe you can call him and apologize. Just say "I am not looking for anything, I just want to tell you I'm sorry for how I behaved" or however you feel the need to word it. Then leave it alone, he will either forgive you and you two can work it out or he will be done and then you have to move on :( I know it sucks I'm sorry.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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"I'm too prideful to admit I am wrong."

 

Until you lose your ego and your inability to ever be wrong or empathize with others, this will always be your downfall and reason for continuously failing relationships. If you want this guy-- grow up. Own up to what you do, and get help.

Edited by KatZee
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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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"I'm too prideful to admit I am wrong."

 

Until you lose your ego and your inability to ever be wrong or empathize with others, this will always be your downfall and reason for continuously failing relationships. If you want this guy-- grow up. Own up to what you do, and get help.

its not only my pride. I know I hurt him really bad. The things I said really can't be swept under the rug. He'd even told me once I will push him to a point where he will never come back.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Sorry to hear about this.

 

How long were you together?

 

Do you think you have something that is worth working on?

 

And most importantly - do you think YOU are mentally ready for even the most IDEAL guy for you right now?

 

I have read a few of your posts and I see a pattern in you sabotaging you relatioships.

 

I am the same (not sure your actually like this, I am just observing i could be wrong about you!)

 

I have tried to forge a healthy relationship with my bf and I have managed to hold on for two years now.

 

But I self sabotage my life in general, and I have major anger management issues (thanks to my dad).

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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Sorry Paper. It sounds like you guys fought a lot though and in a short time, so that's never a good sign. At least you didn't move in with him. Honestly I think you should let him go and figure out a way to work on your anger issues. Feel better!

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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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Sorry Paper. It sounds like you guys fought a lot though and in a short time, so that's never a good sign. At least you didn't move in with him. Honestly I think you should let him go and figure out a way to work on your anger issues. Feel better!

 

We fight but its always due to my mood swings and he always tried to keep the peace. I know he loves me otherwise he would never put up with me.

 

I can admit to a forum of strangers how I am the one at fault but I can never brig myself to admit it to him. He made me really happy but I am always so angry at myself and my mom I always externalize that anger towards him. I was scared too because I always wonder how someone like him could love me when I hated myself so much... so I kept fighting and pushing him away.

Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

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We fight but its always due to my mood swings and he always tried to keep the peace. I know he loves me otherwise he would never put up with me.

 

I can admit to a forum of strangers how I am the one at fault but I can never brig myself to admit it to him. He made me really happy but I am always so angry at myself and my mom I always externalize that anger towards him. I was scared too because I always wonder how someone like him could love me when I hated myself so much... so I kept fighting and pushing him away.

 

So youve been on this forum long enough, seen all the advice, you know you need to control your anger, or better yet, not take your anger out on him, and you have to let go of your pride to tell him youre wrong, but you dont know what to do?

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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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So youve been on this forum long enough, seen all the advice, you know you need to control your anger, or better yet, not take your anger out on him, and you have to let go of your pride to tell him youre wrong, but you dont know what to do?

 

And a smoker who's been repaeatedly bombarded with the cancer risks of smoking, does he automatically just quit?I have issues and I don't know how to get better. Sometimes the anger feels comforting akthough I know its very wrong.

Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

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And a smoker who's been repaeatedly bombarded with the cancer risks of smoking, does he automatically just quit?I have issues and I don't know how to get better. Sometimes the anger feels comforting akthough I know its very wrong.

 

Did you just start working on these anger issues? I would say the first step to working on your anger issues is to change the way you interact with the thing that makes you angry. I used to enjoy the rush of anger, but after a while, I realized it isnt good for me, and I learned to control it, and kinda let things slide off my back. It took practice, but its doable if you really want it. but if you'd rather feel the rush of anger because its comforting, then you might want to try to find a guy who does as well. it'll make for some great fights.

Hopeful714 Established Member

Hopeful714

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When you know you are wrong you need to apologize. You say you are sorry for ........You say you know it made the other person feel.........you say you will make amends by ........and stick to it. That is a genuine apology. It is up to him to accept or reject.

 

I have pushed people away in my life too. You need to figure that out. I know I have a fear of abandonment so I will abandon before they do it to me. I still need to work on that and figure out a way to admit that to those I get close to instead of here on this board.

 

You also need to figure out why you hate yourself. Im sure you've heard you cant love another till you love yourself. So true. Thats also why you can never lose yourself in a relationship. Damn..why didnt I come here months ago? Maybe things could have been different. :( good luck.

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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You keep saying you have problems, anger issues, etc., have you ever been evaluated by a mental health professional? What you're describing is not normal. You could be bipolar or have any number of chemical imbalances in the brain which cause you to lash out.

 

That's why I said get help. Talk to a psychiatrist a counselor, someone. Get it under control because I guarantee he won't stick around much longer.

 

Merely saying "sorry" really doesn't mean much if you continue doing the same things without changing.

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LostOne1 Established Member

LostOne1

Posted
Posted
I broke up with my bf last night. I argued and I took our conversation to a point where I knew I would hurt him. Usually after a fight he would reach out to me because he knew I had anger issues andhe would want me to learn to manage my anger better nut today he neither called or texted me.

 

I feel empty not only bexause I felt like I made a mistake but also because outside of him and us, I really had nothing. My best friend hasn't gotten back to me and I realize I had no other friend to call. I don't want to jump bavk into the relationship out of loniliness but I di know I love him yet, I'm also too prideful to admt I'm wrong. I don't know what to do

 

My ex is just like you. She messed up and said so many hurtful things out of anger. And not once did she ever appologize. It hurt me more, because I was appologizing to her even though what she said was worse and even after I said sorry. I expect her to say sorry too, but got nothing at all. She talked, but she never admitted that she was hot tempered and said some things she didn't mean.

 

I think if you really feel sorry, tell him what you are sorry for...

 

You know my ex and I would still be together if she actually would let the anger and pain go, and sit down and talk. I wanted her to sit down face to face and let it all out. The anger, the pain anything bothering her just let it out of her system. But her pride was too high and well her anger made things worse and worse.

 

And now.. we have nothing left. I would think her anger has made her think we are enemies now. I still love her, but I'm glad she left me. Because I can't handle it when someone is angry and when someone who really loves them wants to help them calm down and talk it out.

 

So if you want to learn from my ex and our relationship. Talk to him and push the anger and pride away. trust me your love should be strong enough to let the anger and pride go to the side and work it out.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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By the way - My bf likes to keep the piece too.

 

He has not started a single argument in two years.

 

I too, know he loves me because he has put up with me this long!

 

I am slowly stopping the frequency of my angry outbursts, but they still continue, and until they stop there is the risk he will lose respect for me and stop wanting to be with me.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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For now, you really do need to go to him with whatever apologies and amends you rightfully owe this man. It doesn't matter whether he accepts them, wants you back or whatever. YOU need to take care of YOUR side of the street. If you were wrong, and did & said unfair, hurtful things because you felt angry, for your own personal growth you need to own up. Not in order to get a result that you want - but because it's right.

 

For your future - are you tired of this pattern yet? When you are ready to change, seek some good help.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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And another thing - about saying sorry...

 

The above poster is right - saying sorry would probably really help him move past this.

 

It REALLY does help the person you have upset, to know that you feel bad about hurting them!

 

My boyfriend feels incedibly hurt when I have yelled at him!

 

I know he would lose respect for me if I were to scream at him unecessarily, and to not apologize for hurting him.

 

What's worse, I would lose a lot of respect for myself if I treated people badly, and did not tell them I was truly sorry.

Els Established Member

Els

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I don't think you need to save this relationship in particular, but you really need to examine this dynamic of yours. I don't want to rub things in, but you seem to go on constant roller-coaster ups and downs regarding your relationships (aren't you glad you DIDN'T move in with him now???).

 

And since you know you are too prideful to apologize when you really are in the wrong... what are you going to do about that? You know that it will be impossible to maintain any sort of healthy R until you fix that.

 

You need to examine the reason for your constant mood swings as well - are you on BC by any chance?

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xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

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I don't think you need to save this relationship in particular, but you really need to examine this dynamic of yours. I don't want to rub things in, but you seem to go on constant roller-coaster ups and downs regarding your relationships (aren't you glad you DIDN'T move in with him now???).

 

And since you know you are too prideful to apologize when you really are in the wrong... what are you going to do about that? You know that it will be impossible to maintain any sort of healthy R until you fix that.

 

You need to examine the reason for your constant mood swings as well - are you on BC by any chance?

 

the fact is that we argued over movig in. he didn't want to or at least he can't while I wanted to. I got angry because I wasn't gettig my way.

 

I was diagnosed with Borderline clinical depression... etc... I don't see a doctor because they are all full of crap... haven't found a therapist who doesn't preach.

 

I talked with my best friend and she told me I should just apologize at least knowing I'm in the wrong here.

 

Im really scared of relationships because I'm always scared of getting hurt. but I love my boyfriend and yet no matter how much he told me he loved me I was always hesitant to believe him.

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