"Dont want a relationship right now"

[Shaun-Dro]

I'll try to be as detailed as possible without dragging this out too long.

A few months ago I met one of the most amazing girls I've ever met. We met in a college class and quickly became good friends. I move pretty slow with women because I like to establish a friendship before I try to become "more than friends" (This might not be the most successful route, but I prefer it). Anyway, I recently ended up telling her how I felt about her and that it had taken me a fairly long time to not only develop these feelings, but then convey them. We talked for a while and she told me that she had thought of me in a "more than friends" kind of way, but that she did not want a relationship at this point in her life. She then told me that her last boyfriend had ruined her emotionally and it really affected her negatively at work and at school and that she wouldn't want any chance of that happening again (we are both almost done with our undergrad programs so this is a key time in determining our futures). In my opinion that is a very legitimate excuse, but I like her far too much to be "just friends" again. I am contemplating breaking contact with her because the pain of seeing a woman who I think is perfect for me almost everyday and knowing that nothing can come of it is becoming too much to handle. At the same time, I would not want to hurt her in any way because she has become someone I care about deeply. Is it wrong to just stop talking to her even though I am suffering too? What options do I really have?

 

You know, one time when I was in college I had a girl tell me that she too wasn't looking for a relationship. We were in the library after hours and I responded with a deep, passionate kiss. We made out for a half hour. We also dated for a few months. Just something to think about.

[ChessPieceFace]

Man, you can't take a hint. Don't be a chump. Don't bother falling in love with a woman unless you know she's into you. It gets you nowhere except depressed.

 

It would be nice if the world and the human race rewarded the evolved nature of guys like you and me but it doesn't. They reward the lowest animal behavior. Essentially, people like you and me are too good for the species. I have no doubt of it anymore. Our standards and ethics have evolved and our reward is that we will constantly get chumped by the worst types of men, all due to womens' mate selection process and inability to change themselves. This is primarily what holds the human race back from becoming more than just a pack of animals with language. The worst of the species procreates the most.

 

That said, if you still want to pursue women, you have to play by the rules of the animals. Saying it in a nice way: you need to broaden your horizons. Maybe you could do that within the bounds of your ethics and have success... it's not impossible. Befriend more women and there's still a chance that some of them won't write you off just because you're a friend. You could also up the ante by being more visible with the girls you date.

 

Most men are happy with penetrating as many convenient holes as possible, and in their animal mentality that makes them 'real men.' You and I are looking for diamonds in a field of broken glass. Good luck buddy, you'll need it.

[grkBoy]

Never make someone a priority when you're only an option to them.

[FitChick]

Never make someone a priority when you're only an option to them.

Is that another Marilyn Monroe quote?

[Under The Radar]

From my experience when people say they arent ready for a relationship, it usually means that they dont want a relationship with you. You will see this girl with someone else soon enough. Even if she actually wasnt ready to date now, one guy will make her change her mind and make her slightly make her forget about her ex. Since that isnt you, you need to stop talking to her. Dont worry about her getting hurt, she wont be hurt since she isnt really attracted to you.

 

I wouldnt believe anything she says since she isnt into you. People are looking for more believable excuses to avoid confrontation, and that looks like the honesty approach, but I think its a lie. Either way, the real reason you need to stop talking to her is because YOU will be hurt when she has to explain to you why she is dating someone else. Dont stick around to witness it. Move on to another woman, fast.

 

And another reason this didnt work, is because you took all of the mystery, excitement and challenge out of it for her. I know you like your approach, but it doesnt work to build attraction. You cant get a woman to like you if you have to confess to her that you are really into her and you were too much of a coward to tell her sooner. You dont tell her, you SHOW her. You go in for a kiss if you think she is into you, and if she recoils, then you know where you stand. No need to talk it out, unless you are completely certain she is into you. Otherwise its awkward. Then she has to avoid saying how she really feels. She really only liked you to make her feel desired, but has no attraction to you whatsoever, or just isnt into you like that. She has to lie to keep you from trying harder, or a worse confrontation.

 

Both people like to earn their way into each others hearts to a degree, just like how you built up to talk to her. But you took all that away from her. When she knows you'll do anything for her, without proving to you that she should do the same, you just handed your heart to her, and no one wants that. You have to give your heart in little bits. Thats how it works, and you will keep learning this the hard way until you change your approach.

 

 

I wish I learned this as a teenager.

[grkBoy]

Is that another Marilyn Monroe quote?

 

I honestly don't know. A friend told me that years ago and it became a deep rule of life for me.

[Daniel V. Ross]

It is important to make yourself ready when entering a certain relationship to avoid any regrets at the end.