EC Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Don't you hate when you meet a person and you think they are great and then they completely change on you? I thought my bf was great. We got a long great and he was romantic and not scared to say how he was feeling and spent a lot of time with me. We had actual conversations and he understood me and what I have been through and vice versa. Just an overall perfect match. Well he said I love you to me I didn't say it back. Because it's too soon and it just didn't come naturally to me. He said he understood and that he would wait for me to say it back. Ever since he said it though he stopped being himself. He wouldn't call for more than 5 min. Hardly spent time with me. I understand he's a very busy man but a girl needs a little affection. He tried to buy me with gifts and I wasn't feeling it. He would give me money or send me to the spa but he wouldn't hang out. wtf? Well we broke up recently mutual agreement because he's leaving town and we both can't handle a LDR and besides he was being so distant with me. All I wanted was a phone call, or a hug or a movie night, or a picnic. Is that so hard. I didn't need anymore purses, I didn't need anymore shoes or clothes, I needed a massage and a hug and maybe a foot rub. Its been almost a week since we broke up and now he wants to take me out and he said he was just acting distant because he said I love you and I didn't say it back so he was playing hard to get. I hate games. He knows that! I like honesty and a real man. He said he's sorry and that he messed up he was just trying to keep me. By pushing me away? I just don't get it. He says he's in love with me and wants to make it work even though he leaving 8 hours away from me. I care for him a lot but I know I'm not in love with him. He's the perfect guy though besides what has happened and I know I'm not going to meet anyone like him. My aunt tells me that sometimes a true love isn't at first sight but it grows on you and it can be the best love in the world. I don't want to be selfish though and stay with him hoping to fall in love with him one day keeping him from meeting a girl that will love him and give him the world. And if I don't feel it now it's definitely not going to grow on me with him living so far away? I don't know what to do?
moimeme Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 So you want to keep him handy so you can get massages and hugs?
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 well, do you think your feelings could devolope further? do you think that you COULD love this guy?
Author EC Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 I mean I think I COULD love this guy and I know with him I am safe and won't have to worry about cheating or financial issues and I always have a great time with him. I'm just young and confused and hes older and knows what he wants. I'm scared I'll just end up hurting him in the end. I just always believed that you shouldn't have to think about it or try to love someone it should just happen. I make no sense lol. He knows that I'm confused as to how I feel for him and thats hurting him already because he loves me. Now he's leaving and wants us to try to make it work. I COULD love him and I don't know how I will feel when he leaves because like they say you dont know what you have till it's gone....but I think I would stay with him only because I would have someone and I don't want to be alone.
Pocky Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 It is possible to fall in love with someone that you're not in love with at first. Even though my husband and I told each other, "I love you" very early in the relationship I don't think we were really in love until a year or so into the relationship. We knew we were perfect for each other and I think that's why we went head first into the relationship. We knew it'd work well as we're a good team but it wasn't the beautiful romantic love that you dream about. It wasn't full of passion and romance, however it grew to something strong.
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 well, do you think you will regret it if he leaves and you DON"T get that chance?
Author EC Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 Thats what my aunt told me and thats what He is telling me will happen to us. I guess I'm just corrupted by movies and romance novels lol but I'm really trying to be realistic. We are a perfect pair. I can totally see myself with him in the future. It's just the distance thing and I know I'm going to want to be selfish and experience 'whats out there' because the feeling for this guy isnt that strong and yet I dont want to hurt him. I'm going to have to go with the flow and just see how life unravels.
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Yeah, just see how it unfolds. You don't have to make a decision yet. I heard a good quote about distance. This isn't it exactly, Distance is to love, as wind is to fire: it kindles the great flames, and extinguishes the very small.
Artifact Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 8 hours is a pretty long distance for a relationship that's not all that strong yet. Instead of trying to keep it going with him, and then seeing if the relationship fails, maybe you should try it without him, and see if you can stand it.
Author EC Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 Good quote yellow. It makes perfect sense. It'll either make us or break us. I won't be seeing him only like once a month anyways so it'll be like if I'm not really with him and then I'll know how I trully feel.
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 ohhh, pshaw. 8 hours isn't THAT bad. That's like a one or two hour flight. BTW, airplane tickets can be cheaper then gas. Just a thought. It's like I said, absence makes the heart grow fonder, or it will wreck your relationship. :-) Give it a try. You think you MAY love him, what would it hurt to give this a shot?
Author EC Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 never thought of the plane thing. Good idea. No sitting in a hot sweaty car, driving for hours falling asleep. lol. I wonder how much it would cost and I could get there a lot quicker.
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 totally. planes are your best bet. you all can even split the cost. you could go see him every other weekend for mega cheap. :-)
Author EC Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 I know I was just thinking how convenient. Especially since my mothers car broke down like completely so she has to use mine to get to work everyday now. It was going to be so hard. But now It seems so much easier. I'm so excited. How romantic lol. Definitelt splitting the cost. But knowing him he'll insist on paying. But I can pay the way over and he can pay the way back. It'll be perfect.
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 Eh, maybe you just need some space to realize how much you miss him. My and my BF did long distance for eight months, and it can be done. you just have to call each other alot, writing letters helps, and just trust and respect each other. Anyway, I fell in love with my bf slowly. He fell in love with me quickly. We're great, now. He's extremely good to me, and we're best friends. Some people are just more cautious.
Author EC Posted August 5, 2004 Author Posted August 5, 2004 I'm very cautious. Love hasn't been kind. I will see how we turn out. Thanx for the advice! It really cheered me up. I even had insomnia from thinking about everything and trying to analyze everything all night. It's so hard to make decisions now that will influence the future. BTW changed my avatar..lol...no more fairy...U likes?
YellowLioness Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 it is lovely, dahhhling. ;-) And, please do cheer up. :-) *hug* things will work out. :-)
UCFKevin Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 I don't think there's anything convenient whatsoever in long distance relationships.
moimeme Posted August 6, 2004 Posted August 6, 2004 Distance is to love as wind is to fire: it kindles the great flames, and extinguishes the very small I love that! And it's so true Sometimes you don't realize how you feel until you have to do without the person for a while. A good test, I always figure, is to imagine how you'd feel if you knew you'd never see him again. If your heart sinks and life suddenly looks awful bleak, then you may be fonder of him than you suspect. OTOH, some people just don't manage to love the people who would be best for them. Eventually you'll figure it out, but don't settle down with him unless you do love him.
Author EC Posted August 6, 2004 Author Posted August 6, 2004 I talked to him last night. Man that was hard. I was trying to me mature about the whole situation and be realistic. The thing is hes used to girls being all gaga over himand "in love" with him and willing to do anything for him and well...That's not me. I told him we should take things one day at a time and see how I feel once he leaves and figure out what to do form then. I told him LDR's are hard and besides they suck. He got upset because he said that when you like someone you will try anything in your power to be with them and make it work and that I obviously don't like him because I'm being to rational about the whole situation. wtf? I finally convinced him that I do care for him and have feelings for him but my mind frame is more realistic and I've been in LDR's before so I know how it is. He's still a little upset and said fine we'll take it one day at a time but don't expect me to wait aroundfor you forever and I said I'm not expecting you to. I'm just soooo confused. I need a vacation.
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