Author iris219 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 How about other countries? Be adventurous! Try online dating specifying you would never move but are looking for a man who wants a change of scenery and a new adventure himself. I definitely couldn't find a job in another country, not to mention that I don't know how I'd get a work visa. I also have no desire to live outside the country. I like where I live, but I'd consider moving if I meet someone worth it. Check out the old guy, already! He hasn't actually asked me out, though he was asking me about my schedule today. It got awkward though because my officemate was there staring at us with a smirk. If he asks me out, I'll go. I actually almost asked him out the other day, but decided not to.
kaylan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 All that reproductive technology -- frozen eggs, surrogates, etc. etc. -- is just fine -- surrogate even a plus because it doesn't mess with your hormonal balance -- but marrying a somewhat older man is weird and creepy! You obviously arent thinking about the OPs future when it comes to raising kids or taking care of an elderly husband. God forbid he passes away and shes raising teenagers alone or getting them through college and into adulthood on her own. And what kids want to be in their 20s when their dad passes away? Im just being realistic dude. I want to grow old with who I marry and have my kids have BOTH their parents for as long as possible.
Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Look, sorry, but if you and your friends are THAT good looking, intelligent, and with wonderful personalities, then I fail to see why you can NEVER obtain a date. Even average looking people find love and get dates. I am average looking and not that intelligent, yet I have plenty of options where I live! I would say it is your AREA, and NOT just the general outlook of your whole country. Plenty of average looking and unattractive looking folkes get dates and find love ALL OVER the USA. ............Either move, or accept a life of being single. Sorry, but desperate times call for desperate measures. If you have a degree, in anything, there are jobs overseas that could be on offer for you? Even teaching English overseas has a short course you can do in order to TRY A NEW COUNTRY out, to scout out the potential dating climate!
kaylan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 As far as I know, what research there is shows that May-December marriages are no more or less happy than other marriages. It can lead to an unhappy marriage? You mean there are no unhappy marriages between people of similar ages? Is that why half of them end in divorce? Is that why nearly half of babies are born into a situation with no legal father at all? Read my previous post. Nevermind plenty of folks will tell you that dating someone outside of the generation you relate to can leave much to be desired.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I would be cool dating a coworker. As you get older, you grow in swift emotional detachment when needed. But a 55 year old? No. Just no.
kaylan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I could share similar anecdotes from my social circle but that would reveal personally identifiable information. 'Regular folks' do this kind of stuff every day, though surely not as commonly as the 'traditional' paths of relationships. Regular folks may sometimes do stuff like celebrities do. But it isnt the norm with regular folks like it is in hollywood. Using Clint and Dina as example, he could live to see grandchildren from his youngest daughter and Dina could die next year from ovarian cancer. Anything is possible. His wealth merely provides a comfortable lifestyle while the rest of life plays out. Be real here. Theres a higher probability that if OP marries this guy in 3 years, that hes dead before the kids are 20, than the probability that OP gets cancer before 50. Average male life expectancy is what Im going on here. Its something realistic to think about. And this guy isnt rich like Clint. To say Clints wealth merely provides a comfortable life is an understatement. His wealth is the majority reason that woman is with him...same for a lot of younger chicks in hollywood. Lets not pretend it isnt.
Author iris219 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 Look, sorry, but if you and your friends are THAT good looking, intelligent, and with wonderful personalities, then I fail to see why you can NEVER obtain a date. Even average looking people find love and get dates. I am average looking and not that intelligent, yet I have plenty of options where I live! I would say it is your AREA, and NOT just the general outlook of your whole country. Plenty of average looking and unattractive looking folkes get dates and find love ALL OVER the USA. ............Either move, or accept a life of being single. Sorry, but desperate times call for desperate measures. If you have a degree, in anything, there are jobs overseas that could be on offer for you? Even teaching English overseas has a short course you can do in order to TRY A NEW COUNTRY out, to scout out the potential dating climate! You're young; I'm sure you'd have no problem meeting available men. It's vastly different when you're over 30. I'm not convinced it's my area. I've visited three major cities this year and didn't meet one single men. I made my friends play the game I always play in airports, which is to look for single men my age. One of my guy friends was convinced he'd had have no problem finding lots of them, but it turns out any man our age was married or with a woman. He had to admit I was right. I have female friends who live in other places and they don't date either. My best friend moved out of the country last year and she's been on one date. People are married or in relationships by the time they are 30.
kaylan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I can't move. I'm not independently wealthy. I have to have a job and there are very few full-time positions in my field in this country. Also, I love my job, I love my friends, I love my house, I love this town. My life is pretty close to perfect except when it comes to dating. Also, I'm not convinced it's that much better in other places. I have friends who live in major cities around the US and they tell me there are no single men there either. I think it's my age group. A good friend of mine moved to Seattle and she almost never dates because she doesn't meet single men (and she's a beautiful scientist). When I've traveled this year I didn't meet one single men whatsoever. The 30s are a terrible age to be single. Not to sound rude, but I wonder how attractive men are finding you. It makes no sense that in your town and also when you travel, that you dont meet single men in their 30s. You should especially meet them during travel even in smaller cities. And if you use OLD, they are out there too. So Im wondering if maybe men just arent noticing you.
mysteryscape Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Not sure you've even bothered to read my posts. Sure, it's bad if your pop dies when you're 20. It's also bad if he was never around as a married father, as in 40% of today's births, or if he splits, as in half of all the married births. (We're up to 70% now). But not many of us tell people not to have kids because you might get divorced; or don't have kids at all if you're not married and prepared to stick together. Everything in life is a crap shoot. If she had a lot of other good options, I'd say explore those too. But freezing your eggs in hopes of what -- finding a surrogate mother? -- sounds like more of a long shot than doing it the old-fashioned way with an older guy. By the way, I know of a couple, concert musicians where the age difference is more than 20 years. She is younger and quite beautiful, she could have and probably did have many choices. But she chose the older guy.
kaylan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 OP, If you are visiting major cities like NYC or Chicago, and not meeting men...then Im thinking they arent finding you attractive. Because I live in the suburbs of NYC and when you go out at night, single people in their 20s and 30s are EVERYWHERE. And I even run into folks in their 40s from time to time.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 You're young; I'm sure you'd have no problem meeting available men. It's vastly different when you're over 30. I'm not convinced it's my area. I've visited three major cities this year and didn't meet one single men. I made my friends play the game I always play in airports, which is to look for single men my age. One of my guy friends was convinced he'd had have no problem finding lots of them, but it turns out any man our age was married or with a woman. He had to admit I was right. I have female friends who live in other places and they don't date either. My best friend moved out of the country last year and she's been on one date. People are married or in relationships by the time they are 30. This is true. I can go years without meeting a single man my age and I live in a 3 million+ city in Australia. And I don't sit around either. I had to resort to OLD (about 90% on there are total losers and/or after casual sex).
kaylan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Not sure you've even bothered to read my posts. Sure, it's bad if your pop dies when you're 20. It's also bad if he was never around as a married father, as in 40% of today's births, or if he splits, as in half of all the married births. (We're up to 70% now). But not many of us tell people not to have kids because you might get divorced; or don't have kids at all if you're not married and prepared to stick together. Everything in life is a crap shoot. If she had a lot of other good options, I'd say explore those too. But freezing your eggs in hopes of what -- finding a surrogate mother? -- sounds like more of a long shot than doing it the old-fashioned way with an older guy. By the way, I know of a couple, concert musicians where the age difference is more than 20 years. She is younger and quite beautiful, she could have and probably did have many choices. But she chose the older guy.None of what you said should mean the OP should willingly settle and date a guy who she may have to take care of and who may not be able to handle teenagers when hes older. And I can only guess why the young girl dated the concert musician.....lets be real bro.
mysteryscape Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 That was long ago for me but I have say it was very hard for me (a male). College and graduate school were easy; always meeting attractive, single women. But then when I was unmarried in my 30s, very tough. Most women of that age were married; the divorcees were not yet coming online very much. I have to admit I didn't find the career women in the big city I was living in all that appealing. There was a hardness as well as a desperation setting in that put me off, or so it seems in retrospect. That was when I encountered the woman who was much older than I who was also much better company than the women my age. Oh, there was also the one I was crazy about who was in a messed up relationship with a guy more than 25 years her senior. Life really does take some strange turns!
carhill Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Regular folks may sometimes do stuff like celebrities do. But it isnt the norm with regular folks like it is in hollywood. Be real here. Theres a higher probability that if OP marries this guy in 3 years, that hes dead before the kids are 20, than the probability that OP gets cancer before 50. Average male life expectancy is what Im going on here. Its something realistic to think about. And this guy isnt rich like Clint. To say Clints wealth merely provides a comfortable life is an understatement. His wealth is the majority reason that woman is with him...same for a lot of younger chicks in hollywood. Lets not pretend it isnt. I'm sure the OP has access to the same data you do, so she's aware of the generalities, just as I am, and so posted in the posts you quoted. I am real and am the product of older parents. So zip it.
mysteryscape Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Right, she should wait around for the perfect situation to arise, it always does of course. As for the "young girl" -- who is now a very well-established concert musician herself, and no longer what most people would consider young -- I guess she must have found the older guy attractive! And apparently he was willing to overlook her youth.
Author iris219 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 (edited) OP, If you are visiting major cities like NYC or Chicago, and not meeting men...then Im thinking they arent finding you attractive. Because I live in the suburbs of NYC and when you go out at night, single people in their 20s and 30s are EVERYWHERE. And I even run into folks in their 40s from time to time. No, you don't understand. There are no single men my age period. It's like as soon as I walk in the door, all the single men my age walk out. Men in their 20s attempt to hit on me, but I shut it down quickly. I'd rather date the 55 year old. This is true. I can go years without meeting a single man my age and I live in a 3 million+ city in Australia. And I don't sit around either. I had to resort to OLD (about 90% on there are total losers and/or after casual sex). God, it's depressing isn't it? Hopefully, marriages will start to fail soon and we'll have an opportunity to meet a good guy. Sorry to hear that OLD isn't working out for you. Edited November 14, 2012 by iris219
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 iris, I remember what prompted me to start OLD. I went to some work function and sat a a table full of men I haven't met before. None were particularly attractive, but all were 30+. I got excited at the prospect of meeting some single guys. As the evening progressed, one by one revealed that they are married, with the exception of one who was living with a partner Keep in mind, that I didn't really like any of them but just the sheer frustration of never meeting anyone single So I got into OLD and went on 74 "first dates". I had a year break when I was with my ex (who was a friend's brother and not from OLD, pretty much the only single man I met in real life - he was 3 years younger though). OLD did bring some much needed excitement into my life and I had a couple 2 months flings. I was attracted to few of them. Perhaps give that a try?
ThaWholigan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Men in their 20s attempt to hit on me, but I shut it down quickly. I'd rather date the 55 year old. Why? You might as well date the 20s dudes IMO. Probably the implied lack of stability tied with the man's youth makes you think the 55 year old dude is a better option. Have the date I think, see what comes of it. But don't rule out the younger guys. You may find a surprisingly good option among them.
kaylan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 (edited) I'm sure the OP has access to the same data you do, so she's aware of the generalities, just as I am, and so posted in the posts you quoted. I am real and am the product of older parents. So zip it. And in what way does you being the product of older parents discount what Im telling her to take under consideration?No, you don't understand. There are no single men my age period. It's like as soon as I walk in the door, all the single men my age walk out. Men in their 20s attempt to hit on me, but I shut it down quickly. I'd rather date the 55 year old. I dont see why in the world you wouldnt date a guy in his late 20s, with an establish career, and whos looking for marriage and kids. Plenty of mature guys in that age group. Or are you being one of those women who thinks its weird to date anyone even a little younger than them? I think you and ES should move to NYC if anything. And Ill move to either of your cities when Im older, because Im sure Ill do awesome if Im still single then. haha Edited November 14, 2012 by kaylan 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 You're young; I'm sure you'd have no problem meeting available men. It's vastly different when you're over 30. I'm not convinced it's my area. I've visited three major cities this year and didn't meet one single men. I made my friends play the game I always play in airports, which is to look for single men my age. One of my guy friends was convinced he'd had have no problem finding lots of them, but it turns out any man our age was married or with a woman. He had to admit I was right. I have female friends who live in other places and they don't date either. My best friend moved out of the country last year and she's been on one date. People are married or in relationships by the time they are 30. Relationships fail. Often. The divorce rate is about 50% last time checked. What about all the folk who's marriages or relationships have not worked out? And you are better looking than me, if your thin and an 8/10 like you said you were..... So you should have more options than me, since your better looking and with a professional career!
Author iris219 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 (edited) iris, I remember what prompted me to start OLD. I went to some work function and sat a a table full of men I haven't met before. None were particularly attractive, but all were 30+. I got excited at the prospect of meeting some single guys. As the evening progressed, one by one revealed that they are married, with the exception of one who was living with a partner Keep in mind, that I didn't really like any of them but just the sheer frustration of never meeting anyone single So I got into OLD and went on 74 "first dates". I had a year break when I was with my ex (who was a friend's brother and not from OLD, pretty much the only single man I met in real life - he was 3 years younger though). OLD did bring some much needed excitement into my life and I had a couple 2 months flings. I was attracted to few of them. Perhaps give that a try? I can totally relate. I can't tell you how many times I've seen men my age who aren't the least bit attractive (the 55 year old is better looking), but I thought, hey, I should give them a chance, only to realize they had on wedding bands. After 30, even the undesirable men are taken. You're on you're way to the Guinness Book of World Records for most first dates! I don't know if I have the energy for that many dates. I've looked at the sites, and there was no one I was interested in. There weren't many to choose from and I knew quite a few or had been on a date or two with several. OLD won't work in my smallish town. And in what way does you being the product of older parents discount what Im telling her to take under consideration?I dont see why in the world you wouldnt date a guy in his late 20s, with an establish career, and whos looking for marriage and kids. Plenty of mature guys in that age group. Or are you being one of those women who thinks its weird to date anyone even a little younger than them? I think you and ES should move to NYC if anything. And Ill move to either of your cities when Im older, because Im sure Ill do awesome if Im still single then. haha Late 20's I'd consider. I get hit on by men 21-24ish. No thanks. I don't find young guys attractive. They look like little boys to me and we have nothing to talk about. ES, weren't you planning on coming to visit NYC? We should meet up if you do! Edited November 14, 2012 by iris219
Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 iris, I remember what prompted me to start OLD. I went to some work function and sat a a table full of men I haven't met before. None were particularly attractive, but all were 30+. I got excited at the prospect of meeting some single guys. As the evening progressed, one by one revealed that they are married, with the exception of one who was living with a partner Keep in mind, that I didn't really like any of them but just the sheer frustration of never meeting anyone single So I got into OLD and went on 74 "first dates". I had a year break when I was with my ex (who was a friend's brother and not from OLD, pretty much the only single man I met in real life - he was 3 years younger though). OLD did bring some much needed excitement into my life and I had a couple 2 months flings. I was attracted to few of them. Perhaps give that a try? Your in Australia too.... And you have a PHD, and are reasonably attractive. Why the hell can some person like ME, with no career and average looks, easily find men who are into me? Your just a TAD older than me! Surely your looks cannot diminish your dating prospects THAT much?
ascendotum Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Give it a shot iris, go out on a date with him, especially since its been ages since you went on one. If there is attraction there (and there seems to be a little), enjoy some romance and go out on activity dates, but if you want a family, don't call off the search party looking for your dream guy. As for you beautiful friend in seattle...that's one of the best cities in the US for single women, so I'm somewhat sceptical of her claims. Just not enough 'single' handsome alpha guys coming up to her to chat her up I suspect.
mesmerized Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 iris, I remember what prompted me to start OLD. I went to some work function and sat a a table full of men I haven't met before. None were particularly attractive, but all were 30+. I got excited at the prospect of meeting some single guys. As the evening progressed, one by one revealed that they are married, with the exception of one who was living with a partner Keep in mind, that I didn't really like any of them but just the sheer frustration of never meeting anyone single So I got into OLD and went on 74 "first dates". I had a year break when I was with my ex (who was a friend's brother and not from OLD, pretty much the only single man I met in real life - he was 3 years younger though). OLD did bring some much needed excitement into my life and I had a couple 2 months flings. I was attracted to few of them. Perhaps give that a try? Do you ever go to bars? There are always single men there and yes, some of them are over 30.
EasyHeart Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Yeesh, it's just a date. You aren't agreeing to marry him. As long as you're not worried about him being a co-worker, I can't see the harm in going on one date with anyone. Sometimes wimmins think too much. . . . PS: I wish I lived in a magical place with lots of single women and no men. Sigh!
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