iris219 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Should I go out with my 55 year old coworker? I’m hesitant to because of the age difference (I’m 33) and because we work together. Would you go for it?
GorillaTheater Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 22 years seems like a big gap to jump over, but that's your call. I'd be a lot more concerned about dating a co-worker. 1
FitChick Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I think the fact that he is a co-worker is the worst part, even if he were your age. Do you like being gossiped about, laughed at, or pitied? 2
veggirl Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I wouldn't. Coworkers are def off limits for me, and that is a BIG age gap, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Aren't you looking for marriage / family (kids of your own)? Doesn't seem like a good candidate for that... 3
Author iris219 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 I wouldn't. Coworkers are def off limits for me, and that is a BIG age gap, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Aren't you looking for marriage / family (kids of your own)? Doesn't seem like a good candidate for that... Yes, the bolded. That's why the age difference worries me. I actually don't care too much about the fact that we work together. I dated a coworker who I have close contact with (closer than the older man) and it's fine. For me, I either go on a couple dates (nothing physical) or we spend years together, so a few outings with a coworker isn't that big of a deal to me. I'm honestly not sure I'd go out with him if I had any other options. I like him and he seems nice, but I'm afraid the age difference might be too much. I guess I could give it a try.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 The coworker thing is the much bigger deal. When it's a coworker you have to balance wanting to see your sweetheart with having to see your sweetheart. Too much of even the sweetest candy can make you sick. 1
kaylan Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Should I go out with my 55 year old coworker? I’m hesitant to because of the age difference (I’m 33) and because we work together. Would you go for it? Knowing how your area lacks men, this seriously seems like you are settling imo. This guys a dang grandpa. I dont see this going anywhere. Id hold out for a young guy your age.I wouldn't. Coworkers are def off limits for me, and that is a BIG age gap, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Aren't you looking for marriage / family (kids of your own)? Doesn't seem like a good candidate for that... This. The guy will be 60 by the time you have kids...and then what? You might have to take care of him before the kids move out for college. Or he could pass away before or while they are in college. Do you want that? To be possibly a young nurse or young widow? 1
mortensorchid Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 He is your coworker and he is 22 years your senior. This does not make for a good match. Turn him down politely and move on. 1
Author iris219 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 The coworker thing is the much bigger deal. When it's a coworker you have to balance wanting to see your sweetheart with having to see your sweetheart. Too much of even the sweetest candy can make you sick. I see what you're saying. We're in different departments so don't see each other much. The coworker thing doesn't really bother me, maybe because I live in a small town, and here you're always running into people you're dating or have dated. It's not unusual to be in a place with several people you've dated previously. There's basically no escaping. We try to stay friendly with exes here for that reason. I went to an oyster roast last week where the host had invited her ex husband, who was happily chatting with her current husband. Knowing how your area lacks men, this seriously seems like you are settling imo. This guys a dang grandpa. I dont see this going anywhere. Id hold out for a young guy your age. This. The guy will be 60 by the time you have kids...and then what? You might have to take care of him before the kids move out for college. Or he could pass away before or while they are in college. Do you want that? To be possibly a young nurse or young widow? This might be a VERY long time. I have female friends who haven't been on dates in years. It would be nice to go on a date.
xxoo Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I don't see any reason to date someone that much older unless you feel some strong desire to do so. If the desire is strong, why not? If the desire is not strong, eh, pass. Maybe the desire will build as you interact with him. At that point, you can revisit the question.
crude Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Since he's a co-worker and 55, it seems like a big no. Of course if he was your boss, 75, and worth $300 million, it'd be a big yes.
carhill Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 If the coworker issue isn't a problem, and you'd otherwise ask the man out if he was your age, IMO push forward. Example A bit larger age gap but they do have a child together, who'll be 16 in a few weeks. Life is what it is. Enjoy.
Author iris219 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 I don't see any reason to date someone that much older unless you feel some strong desire to do so. If the desire is strong, why not? If the desire is not strong, eh, pass. Maybe the desire will build as you interact with him. At that point, you can revisit the question. He's nice and he seems interesting. Also, I find him attractive. If I didn't, I wouldn't consider it. I turned down a 60 year old a few months ago. There was no way that was happening; I didn't consider it for a second. I can't tell how I would feel if I had options. Never dating and never knowing when I will (if ever) plays tricks on your brain. My life is sad, very sad, when it comes to dating. My goal has been to go on a date by the end of this year, so I don't have much time!
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 If the coworker thing isn't such a big deal, then I'd ask if I wanted to spend time with him. If the answer is yes, but you're concerned about the age, do it, but tell him right up front that you're concerned about the age difference in thinking about any kind of possible serious relationship. And then see if you enjoy his company. From my own experience, I suspect he won't react so badly -- he will understand, and will either adjust his expectations accordingly, or stop seeing you altogether. You might find that you really hit it off and that the age difference isn't such a big deal. He may turn out to act and feel younger than you expect. Or you might find that you just like each other, but don't want to take it further than that. Only way to find out is to try it. 2
Author iris219 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 Another issue I have (and maybe the main one) is that I'm suspicious of older men who want to date much younger women. I mean, isn't it odd that he would ask me out? How many good, stable men would ask out a woman young enough to his daughter? 1
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 He's nice and he seems interesting. Also, I find him attractive. I think you'd be foolish not to try it! With the cautions I expressed above. Would be interested to have you report back on how it turns out. Has he actually asked to see you?
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Older men find younger women attractive. Nothing mysterious about that. 55 and 33 is not such a huge difference, IF you are open to it. You say you find him "interesting and attractive." Does he find you the same? If you're worried that he's just looking for sex, I'd answer that (1) that can be true of younger men, in spades; and (2) the solution in both cases is to hold out until you are more sure of the guy. By the way, when I was much younger, there were a couple of times I was interested in women much older than myself. One of them thought it was weird, but we got together anyway; the other welcomed it.
Under The Radar Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 The only reason you are considering this is because you have no options right now. Remember, not too long ago, when you posted (jokingly) about giving a homeless man a shot? I believe you said as long as the potential suitor was not a serial killer he was a possible date. I see in your posts how important having a family is to you. A 22 year age difference is a HUGE age gap. I should know, I was with a woman in my 20's who was 23 years older than me. I couldn't have children with her, I couldn't relate to certain pop cultural/historical trends, and people did judge us based on our appearance/ages (obviously, I looked younger than her). In the end, we parted ways because we were at different stages of our lives. I find the fact you two work together to be less concerning than the age difference. I would NEVER judge you regardless of your decision, but I think you would be selling yourself short just to settle. I think it would be fine to hang out as friends, but I know you don't do the FWB thing. You have already mentioned several times that you don't have casual sex (it has to be an exclusive relationship), which I understand and respect. I think you are lonely, and, at 33, feel like "time is running out". Just my 2 cents. BTW, I don't think he is creepy or a bad guy at all. He may, in fact, be very charming and handsome. I just think it is a bad match based on your other posts. 1
kaylan Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 This might be a VERY long time. I have female friends who haven't been on dates in years. It would be nice to go on a date. But this form of settling you are thinking of is very very risky, and sets you up for a potential tough marriage and tough time raising kids. If decent single guys your age are so sparse, maybe try a new locale? I know its been suggested before, and I know itd be hard or tough to move since you have a job and all...but I dont know what to say anymore tbh. I do really hope you find someone soon. 1
mysteryscape Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 time is running out, to have kids. I don't have to tell you that in 5 years you'll be 38, and then it is very likely too late. 5 years go by fast. I'd say if you find him attractive and interesting, give him a chance. Decide pretty fast if he's potential husband material or not (again, if that's what you're looking for). All the while letting him know of your concerns about his age -- this might actually give you space to size him up better! If he's not potentially what you want, move on and look elsewhere -- pretty soon. You might actually find that you'll have to initiate the next move, because he may be afraid of losing you as a friend if he does!
kaylan Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 If the coworker issue isn't a problem, and you'd otherwise ask the man out if he was your age, IMO push forward. Example A bit larger age gap but they do have a child together, who'll be 16 in a few weeks. Life is what it is. Enjoy. Come on carhill. Clint Eastwood is rich, and its obvious why that woman is with him. I dont think OP is seeking a man who simply pays the bills despite being close to the end of his life, and possibly not as physically attractive as shed like. We cant compare Hollywood to real life. OP runs the risk of raising kids alone, or raising kids and caring for an elderly husband.
Author iris219 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 I'm well aware that time is running out to have children. It's on my mind constantly--when I fall asleep at night, when I wake up. The fear never goes away. Having children somehow, if that meant with an older guy who won't be around long or who will be elderly soon, would be better than never having them. I should give him a shot.
Ami1uwant Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Yes, the bolded. That's why the age difference worries me. I actually don't care too much about the fact that we work together. I dated a coworker who I have close contact with (closer than the older man) and it's fine. For me, I either go on a couple dates (nothing physical) or we spend years together, so a few outings with a coworker isn't that big of a deal to me. I'm honestly not sure I'd go out with him if I had any other options. I like him and he seems nice, but I'm afraid the age difference might be too much. I guess I could give it a try. eliminating the fact you two work together for the moment.... Based on age differences and what you want LONG TERM you two arent good matches. Sure you two could have a great relationship that just goes nowhere in terms of marriage and kids. Thus you wasted 3 + yrs of your life. That is the difficult issue now for you is where a potential partner is with wanting a family or not. Many of the potential people you date have already gone through marriage and have had kids so they arent interested in having another.
Author iris219 Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 That is the difficult issue now for you is where a potential partner is with wanting a family or not. Many of the potential people you date have already gone through marriage and have had kids so they arent interested in having another. Yes, I wouldn't date anyone, no matter their age, who didn't want a family. There would be no point.
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