somedude81 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Sure - you wouldn't walk up to a girl and say "Hi, I hate myself and think I am hideous and awkward." When you are dating someone, you find out that stuff pretty quickly though. It doesn't take long for the "you don't deserve me", "find someone better", "what do you see in me" comments to start, and then it becomes a matter of how long it takes for the self-hater to talk their bf/gf into agreeing. That's completely different. This entire thread isn't even about what happens in the relationship. It's mostly about trying to actually get dates as a shy guy. The finding out stuff while dating is a bridge I'll worry about once I can actually see it.
GirlontheLam Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 The point is that, unless he's particularly physically attractive, people generally won't have the incentive to get to know the shy guy. He will be passed up as just another person walking by. No it means if you fade into the background you'll be passed up. Some people are in the "foreground" because they are loud, charismatic, good looking or well dressed. There are many ways you can stand out as a shy guy. Without turning into an extrovert. Wear an interesting shirt, start playing board games at the party, get into an in-depth conversation on the couch........
Lonely Ronin Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 By guiding the conversation I meant changing the topic into something I thought was more interesting or would be able to participate in more and possibly go in a direction where I could make plans with her. I almost felt like I was wasting my time talking to her about her class and the house remolding. Odds that conversation had very little impact on her and she's probably forget it even happened. 1. learn this now, you need to be able to talk to a woman about stuff you don't find interesting. It's happens all the time in relationships, and it's part of dating to. 2. stop jumping the gun, if she knows nothing about you, she isn't going to go out with you. Regardless of what some of the little twerps on LS say, no matter how hot you are, no decent woman is going to go out with you if she knows nothing about you. Frankly though, girls are pretty much professional talkers and it's hard for me to compete with them. This is a cop out, learn to talk to women period! 1
somedude81 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 1. learn this now, you need to be able to talk to a woman about stuff you don't find interesting. It's happens all the time in relationships, and it's part of dating to. Yeah I learned that over a decade ago. My main point was that I don't like getting stuck talking to girls about things I don't care about when nothing ever comes of it. It has never led to more. 2. stop jumping the gun, if she knows nothing about you, she isn't going to go out with you. Regardless of what some of the little twerps on LS say, no matter how hot you are, no decent woman is going to go out with you if she knows nothing about you. So what are you suggesting I do? This is a cop out, learn to talk to women period! Women like to talk a lot. I'm not going to battle a girl and try to see who can say the most words. As I said in this thread, I'm a quiet guy.
iris219 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I almost felt like I was wasting my time talking to her about her class and the house remolding. Why would you want to ask out a woman you don't find interesting and who you feel talking to is a waste of time? If the guy isn't good looking, she's not going to go out of her way to draw out a shy guy. Not true. Did you read my post above about a guy who's not good looking?
Hawakai Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Why would you want to ask out a woman you don't find interesting and who you feel talking to is a waste of time? Not true. Did you read my post above about a guy who's not good looking? You're looking to get married and have children. We're talking about women below the age of 30 and not looking to have children/marry yet. Plus there are no decent guys in your area and most guys who are decent are married. The rest of the guys are players. Of course you're going to find a dude who is reasonably in shape and with a job attractive. The homeless dude who hates fish but only has fish to eat is not going to say no to it.
iris219 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 You're looking to get married and have children. We're talking about women below the age of 30 and not looking to have children/marry yet. Plus there are no decent guys in your area and most guys who are decent are married. The rest of the guys are players. Of course you're going to find a dude who is reasonably in shape and with a job attractive. The homeless dude who hates fish but only has fish to eat is not going to say no to it. Sorry, I didn't realize I was so old and desperate that my experiences don't matter. Even though I'm old and desperate, I still have to be attracted to a man, but that doesn't mean he has to be hot. Contrary to what you may think, I will turn down a man I don't find attractive. I've also rejected very attractive men because I didn't feel a connection with them. It wasn't that long ago that I was below 30. Looks matter, but not in that woman can only find tall, fit guys with chiseled features attractive. I've always liked what I've liked, and often that was men who wouldn't be considered conventionally good looking. There was just something about them and I felt drawn to them. That is how attraction works for most people. I know it's fun to believe all your problems would be solved if you were hot, but it doesn't work that way.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Yeah I learned that over a decade ago. My main point was that I don't like getting stuck talking to girls about things I don't care about when nothing ever comes of it. It has never led to more. So what are you suggesting I do? well stop being the little kid that asks "are we there yet, are we there yet". Learn to talk with women about things that you aren't interested in when chances are prevented to you like they where yesterday. Talking about stuff that you don't care about is a requirement in any real relationship. Additionally if you can make friends with a single woman, you will probably find that she has other single friends. The woman I just started seeing, was introduced to me by a mutual friend when I ran into them down town on a Saturday night. what you need to be doing more than anything else is talking to women in general, and forming some kind of social bond with as man as you can. This will make it easier for you to talk with special women down the road, and it will also afford you more opportunities to interact with women in general. Women like to talk a lot. I'm not going to battle a girl and try to see who can say the most words. As I said in this thread, I'm a quiet guy. BS most people pause during conversations if for no other reason than to breath. Additionally most people with decent manners won't interrupt when someone else starts talk. It's you job to take your openings and fill them with more than, yea, ahha, ok, cool, interesting etc. There is a difference between being quiet & and being dull. You are doing the later I think.
SJC2008 Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 The bottom line is that confidence is an abused word when it comes to dating. Most people are every day joes and janes and and then there are cocky/arrogant and shy people. IMO when a woman says she likes a confident man it could mean a million things but but thd biggest two IMO are 1. She wants a man who she is attracted to to approach/ask her out. 2. She want's a cocky guy, alpha male type.
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