Necromancer Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Why do then women make all of those "want to date this shy guy" threads?. Wouldn't it be an instant turn off, if it's so important to you women?. Looks are 90% to most women, i see it everyday since i have a really good looking friend. Denying it is laughable at best.
mammasita Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 being shy doesn't always equte to a lack of confidence. 7
Emilia Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I concur with the above posts. Shy doesn't necessarily mean lack of confidence or social awkwardness. Some men are reserved and don't enjoy being the centre of attention, nothing wrong with that. If he is the kind that doesn't value external validation highly, he is the man for me 1
USMCHokie Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I concur with the above posts. Shy doesn't necessarily mean lack of confidence or social awkwardness. Some men are reserved and don't enjoy being the centre of attention, nothing wrong with that. If he is the kind that doesn't value external validation highly, he is the man for me Or perhaps another possible perspective is that the girl isn't attracted to the reservedness itself, but attracted to his physical attributes and being willing to "settle" for the reservedness. Or perhaps due to the physical attraction, she rationalizes that he must be "reserved" and quiet when in reality he actually is socially awkward. 1
Els Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Some of the most confident men I have ever met have also been the more quiet ones. The loud, boisterous pricks are generally insecure deep down, or so narcissistic that they have crossed over the extremely clear line between confidence and arrogance. 1
AD1980 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 being shy doesn't always equte to a lack of confidence. But the "confidence" women talk about is about not being shy an approaching a women making her job easier Being shy is a huge detriment to attracting women because men have to do the approaching most of the time The only way shy is not crippling in the dating world is if youre very good looking and women apporach you to break the ice
jcrew11 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Why do then women make all of those "want to date this shy guy" threads?. Wouldn't it be an instant turn off, if it's so important to you women?. Looks are 90% to most women, i see it everyday since i have a really good looking friend. Denying it is laughable at best. I think its more of a "Playing Hard to get" by the guy. Its an attractive guy that is quiet or might not be interested in the girl; but she is attracted to him more because he is playing hard to get.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 The only way shy is not crippling in the dating world is if youre very good looking and women apporach you to break the ice I'm shy, and the reason I think most women I have interacted with liked it, was because I don't overwhelm them. I look for signs of interest before I approach, I'm very low key in the early stages of talking and dating. The comments I get the most, is how I make them feel very relaxed and comfortable when I'm around them. 2
pteromom Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I like SHY guys. I don't like insecure or bitter guys. Two completely different things. To me, the shy guy is the guy who blushes when I give him a compliment. Adorable! He's the guy who sits back quietly and lets other people have the spotlight. He's the guy who stumbles over his words when he's asking me out, and who admits I make him nervous. I think it is so cute when someone is shy. But it is NOT cute when someone hates himself or feels unworthy of love or thinks he's ugly and undateable. 4
SJC2008 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Or perhaps another possible perspective is that the girl isn't attracted to the reservedness itself, but attracted to his physical attributes and being willing to "settle" for the reservedness. Or perhaps due to the physical attraction, she rationalizes that he must be "reserved" and quiet when in reality he actually is socially awkward. UMC! Long time. Great point! Rationalization, Rationalization, Rationalization. Good looking shy guy is quiet/confident type. Less than good looking shy guy is well, shy. Needs to have more confidence, work on his "social skills".
pteromom Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Or perhaps another possible perspective is that the girl isn't attracted to the reservedness itself, but attracted to his physical attributes and being willing to "settle" for the reservedness. Or perhaps due to the physical attraction, she rationalizes that he must be "reserved" and quiet when in reality he actually is socially awkward. In my case, this isn't true. Some of the shy guys I have been attracted to aren't physically my type. And social awkwardness doesn't bother me - it's the bitterness and woe-is-me crap that puts me off.
Queenie42 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I have to agree with Pteromom, shy is totally cute. The key is to know when it is appropriate to be shy and when it's to your advantage to be confident (and this goes for everyone, not just guys). You've got to have enough confidence to take the plunge and actually ask someone out, but, at the same time, not be so overconfident that it comes across as arrogance.
somedude81 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Lots of women use "shy" in place of "quiet". I don't much like shy, as in nervous and twitchy, but I prefer quiet, reserved men to blustery big mouths. They're usually confident enough to know when to keep their mouths shut. ROFL, women don't like quiet guys either. Unless they are very good looking. Aside from being short (snicker) being quiet is top interest killer in women. If the guy was short, average looking and quiet, he might as well become a Catholic priest.
somedude81 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I like SHY guys. I don't like insecure or bitter guys. Two completely different things. To me, the shy guy is the guy who blushes when I give him a compliment. Adorable! He's the guy who sits back quietly and lets other people have the spotlight. He's the guy who stumbles over his words when he's asking me out, and who admits I make him nervous. I think it is so cute when someone is shy. But it is NOT cute when someone hates himself or feels unworthy of love or thinks he's ugly and undateable. So you have quiet guys who tell you that they think they're ugly and hate themselves?
Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 This is an age old question. Can confidence get you more dates? No, confidence will not get an average looking women a lot of dates with the best looking men, or vise versa. It will, however, enable the average person to find a person who adores them, but certainly not a bunch of hot dudes drooling over them and going out of their way to talk to her. The average person with a good level of confidence (and not arragance) about them, will attract worthwhile people, unless they are seriously unattractive! In any case, even the most unattractive people will find mates who adore them, because they are CONFIDENT and do not just give up on love because they are ugly! They wait for other ugly but amazing people to find them! Bottom line: confidence will get you a lot further in life and in dating than if your insecure and not confident, but it will not make an average looking person attractive to as many people as a stunning looking person! 1
Author Necromancer Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 Lots of women use "shy" in place of "quiet". I don't much like shy, as in nervous and twitchy, but I prefer quiet, reserved men to blustery big mouths. They're usually confident enough to know when to keep their mouths shut. Women only like quiet men if they are attractive. quiet=boring. It sounds like you just can´t have confident outgoing guys.
Author Necromancer Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 Some of the most confident men I have ever met have also been the more quiet ones. The loud, boisterous pricks are generally insecure deep down, or so narcissistic that they have crossed over the extremely clear line between confidence and arrogance. How the are they insecure if they are outgoing and talk really much? sounds like some "Feel good line" to make the quiet people feel better. The most confident guys i know are not "quiet" neither the gals. They are just having fun and don´t care what other think of them, opposite to the quiet crew i know.
crude Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Maybe women should try to be confident, strong, and assertive themselves, and not try to change or reject men who aren't.
grkBoy Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I think you guys are seeing this in the wrong light... "Shy, but confident" is the guy who isn't the life of the party, isn't walking around with a big narcissistic ego, but can hold a conversation with said woman and not come off as cringing and "working hard" to get her to like him. "Shy with no confidence" is the guy who is socially inept, can't hold a conversation, and even will trainwreck his chances when he suddenly makes some "I'm such a failure in dating" kind of comment. Some statement or statements where he belittles himself, thinking his honesty will make her pity and like him, and want to help him get over his hump. No guys...it only turns her away. Imagine dating a Debbie Downer who makes a date seem more like a therapy session...so not hot. To me, this whole "shy" thing is mainly women saying they don't want narcissistic men. 6
Els Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 How the are they insecure if they are outgoing and talk really much? sounds like some "Feel good line" to make the quiet people feel better. The most confident guys i know are not "quiet" neither the gals. They are just having fun and don´t care what other think of them, opposite to the quiet crew i know. The loud, boisterous ones are usually seeking to draw attention to themselves because they live off attention. They need it to validate themselves - and that is the essence of insecurity. However, there is obviously a good balance between that, and people who can't utter two peeps if their life depended on it. Most truly confident people seem to be able to strike that balance. You can continue to convince yourself that it's all about the looks, and your lack of success with women has absolutely nothing to do with your attitude. No skin off MY back. 3
somedude81 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I think you guys are seeing this in the wrong light... "Shy, but confident" is the guy who isn't the life of the party, isn't walking around with a big narcissistic ego, but can hold a conversation with said woman and not come off as cringing and "working hard" to get her to like him. That describes me perfectly and I have absolutely horrible confidence. It's much easier to have a conversation and come off as normal than you guys are making it out to be. "Shy with no confidence" is the guy who is socially inept, can't hold a conversation, and even will trainwreck his chances when he suddenly makes some "I'm such a failure in dating" kind of comment. Some statement or statements where he belittles himself, thinking his honesty will make her pity and like him, and want to help him get over his hump. A guy doesn't need to be shy to do those things. As you said, he's socially inept, as well as being negative. It's not hard to figure out that women aren't going to want to hear you bringing yourself down.
AlexDP Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Or perhaps another possible perspective is that the girl isn't attracted to the reservedness itself, but attracted to his physical attributes and being willing to "settle" for the reservedness. Or perhaps due to the physical attraction, she rationalizes that he must be "reserved" and quiet when in reality he actually is socially awkward. So? We go for goodlooking women too. Perhaps we ought to admit to ourselves that is only natural women go for goodlooking guys instead of lamenting on internet forums.
ThaWholigan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 That describes me perfectly and I have absolutely horrible confidence. It's much easier to have a conversation and come off as normal than you guys are making it out to be. But having a conversation and coming off as attractive?...... That's the crux of the issue here. 1
somedude81 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 But having a conversation and coming off as attractive?...... That's the crux of the issue here. Yes, it's very hard to come of as attractive when you're shy and/or quiet. BTW, the post I quoted didn't mention attractiveness. He was describing how confidence looks when it's paired with being quiet and I pointed out the errors.
ThaWholigan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Yes, it's very hard to come of as attractive when you're shy and/or quiet. BTW, the post I quoted didn't mention attractiveness. He was describing how confidence looks when it's paired with being quiet and I pointed out the errors. Not as hard as you think. You just have to know how to use your words. Quiet men who do well are sometimes the best wordsmiths, better than those who talk constantly. You know, you don't always have to put a negative spin on everything, it's not going to make you feel or do better in the long run. 2
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