Fields Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) I met this guy a few months ago on a camping trip with some mutual friends. We got along really well and pretty much hung out with each other the entire time. We really enjoyed eachothers company, even those around us who did not know us saw our chemistry and assumed we were in a relationship, even though we were simply talking and hanging out. We exchanged information and began to hang out together on the weekends. From the beginning, he acted very nonchalant, disinterested, and unromantic. I didn't mind so much because we were friends and I thought it was some rebellious, anti-fluff take on his part. Yet, hanging out turned into cuddling, cuddling turned into spending nights (no sex yet), then kissing. There were many times that he would look into my eyes with this intense, caring look that melted my heart. I began to develop feelings for him and I felt that I had really found a gem. There was a week long period where he did not talk to me at all and ignored my texts. He finally sent me something very dismissive in response to some worried texts I sent him about my brother being assaulted. he said something like "Good morning and thanks for the interesting eleven texts you sent me while I was sleeping." (I sent them all at reasonable hours between two pm and 10 pm, so wtf). By the end of the week I was furious and fed up with the general detached-ness, indifference,the recent bout of ignoring and the insensitive response to my concern over my brother and I told him I needed to be with someone that gave me a little bit more of their time and consideration and I told him it was over. He then did respond, telling me a co worker recently quit and the coworkers work load had been dumped on him, so all he had time to do that week was work, come home, sleep, then work again, and that he gave such a response because he didn't know my brother (nevermind the fact that I was upset over it). At the time, I saw him responding as an effort to work things out and and a sign that he did care. I pushed aside all the thoughts I had such as 'if he liked me and was interested, he would have at least taken aside time to respond a few times to my texts before bed, rather than blatantly ignoring them', etc. We would text and talk a lot but it never was about anything substantial or that brought us closer together. I had plenty of conversations about myself to him and things from my past, but I felt something that felt like being shut out or held at a distance. Although I would still catch him giving me that intense look of affection and concern that made me feel as if he was trying to see my soul, and maybe, perhaps really did like me, despite all the evidence that he didn't. He did tell me that he was looking for something serious, he was a relationship type of person, and he would not have sex with anyone he did not care for/wasn't in a relationship with. He also told me that he was disgusted with the way some of his friends treated women like playthings and played with their emotions and hearts. After about a month and a half we began having sex. It was shortly after that he began to do the things that really had me questioning whether or not he was really into me or he was spending time with me because he was interested in getting into my pants. He greeted me via text one day saying "what's up bitch" with a cutesy little tongue face. He seemed to want to have weird little power struggles/push and pull dynamic over menial things, as if he felt the need to prove to me he didn't have to do anything I asked or wanted. He texted "pig", followed by a "XD" face another time and blamed it on a swype error all in one text, mind you (an android feature for texting). To me, pig is 20 times worse than bitch and it absolutely IS NOT something a man calls a woman he is interested in/cares about. The only time he would really talk to me in depth about anything was when we were discussing sex. Which I didn't mind, it is fun and we are both very passionate, sexual people, but I wondered why he didn't attempt to engage me in conversation like that about anything else. Granted...he is a pretty basic, shy stay at home nerd type so maybe he doesn't have much else to talk about and he did admit to me upon my asking that there was nothing in life that he was really passionate about. The last day that we spent together, a Friday, we got intimate and the next morning he called me stupid for trying to talk to him when he was sleeping (I had told him I had tried to call his name but I got no response so I assumed he was sleeping, then his response). I got pissed enough to swear at him. He had to drop me off back at my house the next morning because he had plans with a co worker. We passionately kissed goodbye, he said that he would miss me and text me later. Never did. Sent him two texts that night, no response. Nothing all Sunday either. Nothing Monday. During this period of silence I did some thinking. I realized that I was beginning to fall for him, and I did not want to fall for an ******* who did not return my feelings and get my heart broken. I sent him an email listing some of my concerns-many I just went over, and told him either I wasn't the right woman or he wasn't ready for anything serious, and I suggested that we cool it for a while. Two more days of silence. On Wednesday, he changes his facebook status to "in a relationship" and links the girl. (A favor he never paid to me and it takes him two days to make that leap for this girl?????) This is a girl he just barely added less than a week before I sent him that email. It was a slap in the face and a knife in my heart. To be really into this guy, spend all that time trying to get to know him and not feel the same interest and attempts in return...I thought since he had been burned badly in a two year relationship years before and had a few unsucsessful, short lived relationships since that he might be scared and need time. But to watch him respond like this??? We just had sex days before, we were just kissing goodbye. It wasn't over for me. I didn't even realize until I cried nonstop for three days that I had developed feelings for him to that extent. I've sent a handful of texts, had some talks with our mutual friends, sent a few emails, called and left him a message....five days and nothing. I just don't know. I thought he'd take my email into consideration and use the time to evaluate himself and our relationship. Not dive right into a relationship. I think he cared for me, but I don't know. He admitted he keeps his heart in a steel box and he shows it to very few people. I got that he was trying to push me away the entire time, even if he did care.... Is this salvagable? Or is he too much of a mess to wait it out for? Oh yeah and I forgot to mention that on that last Friday when he came to pick me up, he refused to get out of his car and hug me, blaming it on the rain and laziness. Although he did offer me a long, warm hug once we got to his house, so that anger was temporarily sated. Also, all of his friends, all of his family members (HIS FAMILY MEMBERS!!!! Cousins, father, uncle, etc!!) highly recommended him and said that he was a great guy and to stick with him and he would love me right, so that's another element of confusion for me! A mutual friend of ours called another cousin of his I had never talked to, she didn't tell her that he had dived right into another relationship, just that I was devestated and he wasnt returning my calls or texts, and the cousin said he was probably scared because he was deeply burned by the girl who cheated on him, he was a good guy, the entire family already knew about me, blah blah.....the second I saw his relationship status I blocked him...then I unblocked him the next day after sending him a confused, hurt text but suddenly he had blocked anyone who wasn't on his friends list from messaging him or people from friend requesting him. Edited November 13, 2012 by Fields
fremonde Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Straight up, its easier to see, because im not in your shoes or in he relationship. hes a dick. Dont try to get close again he will just not give you the time of day and hurt you more.
Author Fields Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I've gone through the worst and I'm past denial, I'm past anger, I'm even past the worst of the hurt. I still care about the guy and I always will. But I've let go of my expectations. Simplest way to put it is that he may even fool himself along with the girls, but he is not ready to build a serious relationship.
todreaminblue Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 any guy who sends a girl or woman a text with the word pig or bitch..a streak of arrogance....your ex doesnt know how to speak to women let alone be in a relationship with one....i am happy for you that you got out and i hope you do find the right guy who treats you the right way with love and respect......best wishes....deb
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