ls32ssibm Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Please add, from either gender. I'd actually be interested to hear some common crap that guys put. I only look at women, and these are the most common I've seen; - Singles mothers always proclaiming their kid is "their world". - Having that common Marilyn Monroe quote about being selfish, impatient and insecure anywhere in their profile. - Starting the profile with "I've never done this before..." - It seems the more "ghetto" the chick is judging by how she types, the more she complains about "CREEPERS" and and not doing "HOOK UPS". - Having a very pretty profile pic, only to click on the rest of them and seeing she is insanely fat (can't say I blame them though). - When a very fat person lists themselves as "curvy" and not "a few extra" or whatever. It taints the search pool on sites like Match. Please add some! 2
charlietheginger Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I like the whole let me post My pics and life online for Every tom dick and harry to see "oh and dont be a creeper" Some beetch hinted around i could Be a stalker once.... I polity told her im a buzy guy dont have any extra time on my hands To stalk anyone and besides i don't Find you that interesting or attractive I think she felt insulted oh well Imo creeping or stalking sounds like Alot of work id rather be napping
MrCastle Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I was going to make a thread like this someday. Sweet. I'll add some -The buzzkill profile: Profile pic is a group of 3 girls, two of them are smoking hot, one of them is totally not your type, the one standing on the right. You click on the picture and the caption is "Me and the besties! (me on the right)" -The deal breaker profile: Girl is physically your type, your type personality wise until one epic fail towards the bottom, usually in the "message me if" section. She says something, usually extreme, that puts you off, or you don't meet her requirements. Examples: she requires a specific ethnicity that you're not, a height that you're not, a body type that you're not. One even put her political views out there and wrote "message me if you didn't vote for Obama". -The lazy girl: Profile is one or two pics, at the most, and the only thing she has filled out is her height, race, and whether or not she smokes or drinks. No about me, no interests, "message me if" section is usually something like "message me if you think we'd be a good match :-)" -Unique original hipster who doesn't realize her profile is similar to 95% of the other hipsters in her area. Usually posts random stuff that doesn't help you get an understanding of her interests. In the "I'm really good at" section, she'll write something like "sliding down rainbows and dancing to (obscure indie band name here). I can also taste numbers". I'll write more if I can think of some. 1
Author ls32ssibm Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 Let us not forget about the one who seems absolutely perfect for you; and these come around literally only once or twice for any given person. You send them a well thought-out message, and they view your profile and ignore you. They are either not looking for what they say they are looking for, or are probably in a relationship and are just using the site to boost their self-esteem. 6
dasein Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 "Make me laugh." (I'm dull, self-absorbed, and privileged) "Tired of partying and ready to settle down." (None of my many FWBs are returning my phone calls... oh and I'm addicted to either booze, drugs or drama) "Don't bother writing me if you are a player or a user." (I'm gullible and easy to get in bed) "I have understated my age/weight to get more views." (I'm a liar and you should accept that) 2
IT Geek Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 - When a very fat person lists themselves as "curvy" and not "a few extra" or whatever. It taints the search pool on sites like Match. I wish sites had a way you could search for something like this in what the person is looking for in a partner. It's a moot point for me to contact someone who is looking for an Average or Athletic body type.
FitChick Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) Men who think they are being original and clever in describing themselves as a house "unexpectedly back on the market" or a car with "one previous owner, a few dings in the paint but recent engine overhaul" blah blah blah. Youthful looking never are. "Young at heart" are out of shape. "Not materialistic" = broke Recently addressed the work-life balance = was fired. Someone named Big Bob, who described himself as "relatively" fit, should rename himself Big Blob. Edited November 13, 2012 by FitChick 6
AD1980 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 "I need a man who can keep me in line" im a whackjob who loves drama and would like it if you fight with me alot to keep things exciting "I like an ambitious man"-I hope he makes a lot of money i have a exact figure in my head that he must make but if i post it ill come off horribly "i like to wear heels"-i judge my height in my 5 inch heels and my feminity is directly tied to never beign taller then a man even on stilts 1
FitChick Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Still having your own hair and teeth seem to be something to brag about.
veggirl Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 "Make me laugh." (I'm dull, self-absorbed, and privileged) "Tired of partying and ready to settle down." (None of my many FWBs are returning my phone calls... oh and I'm addicted to either booze, drugs or drama) "Don't bother writing me if you are a player or a user." (I'm gullible and easy to get in bed) "I have understated my age/weight to get more views." (I'm a liar and you should accept that) LOL those are funny. But people don't really write that they understated their weight or age do they?! These threads always crack me up. Until it gets to the point where everyone is arguing about who lies more, men or women, and whether or not the lies are okay. 1
truth_seeker Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 This line bugs me: "I don't take things too seriously." That screams "I'm a flake."
curlygirl40 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I don't like writing about myself, but here goes... I like to go out, but I like to stay in. I like to have fun (who doesn't?) I want to live life again (that's what I need. A job. To make you happy again, sign me up) I never thought I would find myself doing this (and the rest of us did?) I'm attractive... (hate that. Attractiveness can be so subjective) My friends would describe me as fun, funny, happy, etc., etc. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 "I like a girl who's just as comfortable in heels and a cocktail dress as she is in jeans and a t-shirt." COME ON. "I like to hit the town for a night out but am comfortable staying in with a movie and a bottle of wine." SERIOUSLY? WHO DOESN'T?! Saying sh*t like "I'm tired of playing games." This to me just reeks of someone who can't take a hint at being rejected. Or vague stuff like "I'm just looking to meet new people and if something develops, then great." = I'm looking for a piece of ass and don't get serious with anyone from this site. 1
MrCastle Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 When a guy says "I live an active lifestyle and am looking for someone who can keep up with me" = no fat chicks 2
Imajerk17 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 "You are ... financially stable" = So that you can wine and dine me. "separated" (profile status) = I'm doing this behind my spouse's back [picture of her getting too palsy-walsy with other guys] = I have male friends I sleep with. Is that OK with you? "60% of the time it works every time" (or any other quote that keeps coming up--for some reason I see this particular one a lot on profiles in my area) = I'm a unique and original person, just like everyone else "If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" (this quote by Marilyn Monroe deserves special mention) = DRAMA QUEEN caps for emphasis "Very liberal" = I will one day drain your bank account and send the money to a third-world country in Africa. "Very conservative" = To the right of Attila The Hunn. Heartless. "Where are all the nice guys?" = I keep falling for jerks
dasein Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 LOL those are funny. But people don't really write that they understated their weight or age do they?! They sure do! LOTS, mostly age though Can you imagine typing that and posting it in a profile with a straight face? I bet guys do it too, but my limit of viewing male profiles is for stealing anything good for my own profile I bet guys post the "tired of partying and ready to settle down" giveaway also. 1
Author ls32ssibm Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) Here are some "new" ones I've been seeing a lot that I don't believe we've touched on yet. Again, I only look at girls; The Confused Girl (Type A): Has no idea why they are on the dating site. Will say that in their profile, will say that when you ask them. They have no idea what they are looking for, and will usually blame their account creation on their friends or because they lost a bet. Complete waste of time talking to them because they will likely not agree to meet in person. The Confused Girl (Type B): Similar to Type A in some aspects, but made their profile willingly (at least they'll admit to it anyway). However, their confusion derives from the fact that they will say they aren't looking for anything serious (or in some cases no relationship at all), but will also say they aren't looking for sex. They will also not specify the specific search for platonic friends, so their presence on the site is an anomaly, and any e-mails they get is due to their physical appearance only. The Overtly Sexual Profile: Their photos are tits, ass, more tits, more ass, maybe a little face, but not much. They list "blowjobs" as something they are good at and "sex" as something they can't live without. Assuming this profile isn't a guy trolling, and it actually is a girl, don't dare ask them for a hook up because they will immediately respond that they aren't that kind of girl. Edited December 20, 2012 by ls32ssibm 2
ascendotum Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 ^ funny but yeah I can relate to those, though maybe not so much the 3rd category with women in their 30s. Have you actually seen girls that list in the Prolfile description or in the Interests....'good at blowjobs'? lol Cripes her inbox must get chockers with msgs. Its kind of a given, that the vast majority of people would would like to think they are good at oral and that they rate sex up there in important aspect of relationships.
FitChick Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Surprisingly still single = women are too stupid to realize what a catch I am I'm so laid back I'm horizontal = lazy I've always been a dreamer = I can't keep a job
Vercetti Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 Girls... 1. Picture half drunk in a somewhat classy outfit with a guy cropped out and a hand on her ass. 2. A bloody unicorn with a rainbow and sparkles where a proper picture should be. 3. Some crap about music being her life yet doesn't play any instrument. 4. Some 80s you can do it motivational trite to gloss over train wrecked relationship and desperation. 5. Slandering every man in sight while looking for the one. 6. Loves reading and thinks is a intellectual, favorite books Harry Potter / Twilight / Hunger Games / 50 shades of grey. 7. Made a few mistakes but has a kind heart. 8. Underwear picture in bathroom mirror with lots of Te Heee in the text. 9. Some endless bull about zodiac and the freaking stars. 10. Spiritual but not religious. Guys... 1. Underwear picture in bathroom mirror with visible steroid zits. 2. For some reason the fact his dick cant fit in a toilet paper tube needs to be public knowledge. 3. Some total bull about employment and wealth. 4. Endless chatter of all the famous people he has encountered. 5. Some on a boat picture. 6. Picture surrounded by women that all have similar features cause they are his sisters. 7. Some story about the time he saved the planet. 8. Yup he wears his sun glasses at night. 9. Talks up being a nice guy. 10. Use of the word kino. 1
Wunlov3 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 (edited) "I'm only here for the tests and questions" - then why did you upload a profile picture and add six more on top of that? You knew that your provocative pic will get a lot of attention when you created a profile. I'd prefer it they just admit that they are there for an ego boost. I'm yet to see a guy who claims to be on dating site for "tests and questions". These profiles and the the fake ones created by men and women just to prove a point are such time wasters. And the latter usually lead to threads on loveshack like, "Hah! I created a fake profile of an attractive<insert gender> on okcupid. You won't believe how many messages I received. See, all <insert gender> are shallow/douchebags/bums/care about height/weight/gold diggers. Edited December 20, 2012 by Wunlov3
ebt100 Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 1. Women who say: "I'm well adjusted." "I"m independent." "I know what I want" "I want a guy who knows what he wants" 2. Overweight women who think they are worthy of dating below-average-height men who are in good shape and above-average looks. What are they smoking? Fit people date fit people. Overweight women should date overweight men, regardless of height. 3. A 4"11" woman who list she's looking for men 6'0 to 6'10. WOW, what delusional thinking does she have that women can't be too short, and that a tall guy would go for her. 4. Any woman who lists "[minimum height] to 8'11". WOW! Ladies, there is not a single man in the WORLD who is that tall. And those that are close usually have pituitary gland tumors. It is so insulting to see they'd rather be with an 8"10" man (doesn't exist) than with someone who is below 5'11". 5. Girls on match.com who don't answer messages.
Author ls32ssibm Posted December 20, 2012 Author Posted December 20, 2012 Match.com is the worst. I'm convinced like half are socks/inactive profiles. I believe they've been sued over it before too. I have another one; The Smart Idiot: Sure, she may claim to be in her second year of law school, or maybe even she's pre-med. But, she typse likse this and is jus lookin for some fun lol no jerks. Truly another anomaly or affirmative action at it's absolute worst.
PogoStick Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 - Singles mothers always proclaiming their kid is "their world". - Having that common Marilyn Monroe quote about being selfish, impatient and insecure anywhere in their profile. - Having a very pretty profile pic, only to click on the rest of them and seeing she is insanely fat (can't say I blame them though). - When a very fat person lists themselves as "curvy" and not "a few extra" or whatever. It taints the search pool on sites like Match. You've nailed them pretty well: 1. "My kids are #1 in my life." I hope they come before internet strangers. 2. "If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best". Seems like an excuse to be a b!tch, and removes her from responsibility for her actions. 3. The infamous face only pictures. Women complain about the shirtless guy pics; I've noticed lots of women taking the face self-pic at arms length. Some girls have 10 different shots like this of their face. It shows a sad obsession with her looks. I assume she's going to have a princess complex with little actual personality to offer. 4. Women abuse the body type descriptions. "Average" can mean 80 lbs overweight, which I guess could be average these days. I guess the term should be changed to "proportionate" or something. But then they'll check that because both their breasts and butt are huge. 5. "Athletic" can be a gross misstatement. I would assume the girl is going to have some muscles and look, you know, athletic. Someone you might see on a basketball, volleyball, or soccer team. Instead she looks like a football lineman. 1
CptObvious Posted December 20, 2012 Posted December 20, 2012 4. Any woman who lists "[minimum height] to 8'11". WOW! Ladies, there is not a single man in the WORLD who is that tall. And those that are close usually have pituitary gland tumors. It is so insulting to see they'd rather be with an 8"10" man (doesn't exist) than with someone who is below 5'11". 8"10... dude must be built like a ****in scarecrow. Good luck even curling 50lbs with those straw arms.
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