The Houdini Act..

[Hopeful714]

What DOES an ex think when you do the Houdini act? Disappear? Fall off the face of the earth?

 

Ive been broke up now for 2 months now with very very very limited contact in text form after a 15 month relationship. I still care, and still feel a bit addicted, but it was a toxic relationship and I had to get away for the survival of my self esteem so I never responded to the last text which was him saying "im sorry."

 

I pretty much can guess what he's up to since I was familiar with his habits, and he is on facebook although I dont look. I am NOT on facebook and I know he has NO CLUE what Im doing or what Im up to.

 

I still think him daily and he's most likely moved on to someone else. Im still struggling many days but doing better this month then last. FYI- it was a HORRIBLE ending. I was VERY hurt. He used to say he cared about me but Im sure he wasnt as heartbroken as I was/am. He also didnt treat me very well....cheating, lying, things he said & did, took me for granted....which really means he didnt care at all if you think about it.

 

All in all I'm pretty proud of my vanishing act but I guess I wonder what he thinks about it as in a sense that I feel like I got the final word by standing up for myself and saying (with out saying) NO MORE! But, since he hasn't tried any other contact I guess I kinda feel bad like wow you really NEVER DID care about me. I hope if anything I gained some respect that I never got from him ? Or is it just oh well....on to the next? Do they even realize they treated you bad?

[suladas]

Well it sounds like you were the dumper? So your case is rare, being that usually the dumper should reach out first, but in your case if he knew he did wrong it should be him.

 

My ex did it the best she could, actually just started ignoring me without any saying of a BU and took a few days to even get that response to find out it was over. Then only sent 1 more text, then vanished in that way. However she lives next door, so not exactly gone just acting like it.

 

It's tough to say what they are thinking, i've spent MANY sleepless nights wondering what she was thinking. If she felt she did anything wrong, if she felt like she hurt me but though it was best, etc, etc. But in the end, you'll probably never know and it's best to just forget it or try to anyways.

[LostOne1]

Well it sounds like you were the dumper? So your case is rare, being that usually the dumper should reach out first, but in your case if he knew he did wrong it should be him.

 

My ex did it the best she could, actually just started ignoring me without any saying of a BU and took a few days to even get that response to find out it was over. Then only sent 1 more text, then vanished in that way. However she lives next door, so not exactly gone just acting like it.

 

It's tough to say what they are thinking, i've spent MANY sleepless nights wondering what she was thinking. If she felt she did anything wrong, if she felt like she hurt me but though it was best, etc, etc. But in the end, you'll probably never know and it's best to just forget it or try to anyways.

 

That phase goes away afterwards.. sooner or later you don't care what they think.. because the thought about it is endless.

 

The way I see it.. if they loved us enough and they already know we love them and want them back. If they can't see that and come back to us, then what they are thinking is worthless...

[Beachg]

My gosh Hopeful714. Your situation sounds exactly like what i am going through.

I am also contemplating doing a houdini. I've caught my boyfriend out in so many inconsistencies and lies.

I really understand your pain right now. I am so scared of the loneliness and emptiness as well. Although i do wonder is it as bad as the constant pain when we find out they can't really care as much for us as we do for them, or surely they wouldn't act in such hurtful ways?

You are 2 months ahead of me, and i can bet it will take a while to get them totally out of your system.

It sounds lame, but are you keeping preoccupied and busy doing stuff to try to keep your mind off him?

Good on you for keeping away from facebook. I really do feel it has a lot to answer for, and life without it would be so much easier.

Take care x

[SoulSearcher22]

My ex did something simliar but different situations. I guess I was her reboundee and emotional crutch. After about 4 months of what seemed like an amazing relationship, she started acting a little funny. I found out her Ex Bf of 3 years moved a few states over. Then one day I woke up, found out I was blocked on facebook, phone number was blocked and this girl never told me anything. A month and a half later, she found me at our college that we both still go to, and apoligized. Started talking to me again like old times. I figured something was wrong with her and her now current bf. She told me that he was the one that blocked my facebook and number. Then she just stopped again. LOL yall can be some cold hearted b*tches.

 

Still don't understand and sorta wish she'd reach out to me somehow and give me some closure. I know that won't happen though.

[flitzanu]

if he was that disinterested and didn't care the way you've stated, then by you disappearing he was probably relieved that all the fighting ended and he could go on with his lying and cheating with other people.

[Hopeful714]

Yea, I wondered if there was relief on his part. I'm sure maybe some relief that the fighting was over but he's gotta miss the nice times as believe it or not there were many. And yea, I have no doubt that he will do this again since he has before. Its sad someone else will go through it.

 

To Beachg: Yes, it does hurt. Especially when you dont want it this way but you know you can't continue with the way it was. There were many inconsistencies and lies..many. It made me feel like I was going crazy and then the stress began to manifest in physical symptoms. I was losing hair, stomach issues, constant anxiety and outbursts of anger. It was bad. Sure being alone sucks now but I must say emotionally Im feeling more like my real self again but still sad.

 

I didnt mean do this to be mean. We had a huge fight where I confronted him with all I knew. After that he thought everything would be fine although he never admitted/denied/apologized. All he said was "so are we going to tough thru this?" I pulled away at that point from all the pain. Then he pulled away almost acting like this was MY fault! Either way it wasn't good...but it still doesn't take away the longing for the good times.

 

Does Elin go back to Tiger? Sandra to Jessie? No. You cant go back ever to a serial cheater. How could you...it would be like emotional suicide to yourself.

[BrokenDreamCatcher]

I can give you my story with vanishing act.

My ex did me wrong, and anither woman was involved.

At first I admit, I was pathetic, I called, I txted, I fb msged him, I cried to him. He was very cold and mean, and ignored me or just said something mean back to me. I finally had enough! I blocked him on everything! I deleted his #! I was GONE! I never heard another word from him.

 

Well, then a little over 2 months go by. I get a txt from him, saying he wants to apologize in person. Crying and all that BS!

 

But, he admitted that during that time, he thought of me. He said he didn't do silence or alone time, he stayed busy. Funny thing too, he admitted he looked at my fb. I was like I blocked you..so how?? Well, I was friends on fb with his mom, he was logging into her account! That NEVER crossed my mind! You just never really know what they are doing! But, in any case, go look at my latest thread! Watch out when/if they do come back!

[Hopeful714]

Yes, read your story. I don't think mine will be back begging or crying. He's too proud for that. Besides, if a REAL apology was to take place, it should have been done already....dont come back 2 months later after you were elsewhere and tell me now that you were sorry. I dont think Id even be interested in hearing that now. I wonder though if I will EVER hear from him again. Part of me thinks yes, other parts think no. We were close...so its just like WOW...never again will we speak? We spent the holidays together last year so Im sure this will be difficult for me to get through alone.

 

Im sorry you had to go through that after so long together. I'm new here and Im amazed at all the posts of how people go back and forth between ex's and their new found others. I dont think I could do that to someone. You have to make a choice...and stick to that choice..and either make it work, or break clean. You cant be with two people and have a "relationship." How can anyone expect to have anything fulfilling with one person if someone else is involved? You cant! Once you take yourself out of the bond with your partner whether it be sex or emotional or texting whatever you are putting everything in jeopardy.

 

I like it here at LC. I need need to be here now. It helps me. I am learning things...but Im also concerned. Reading all these stories Im beginning to wonder if anything ever works out long term anymore.

[BrokenDreamCatcher]

Well, I can tell you this, my ex is one of the most prideful, stubborn men I have ever known, being too cute and athletic, once being a Marine, trust me! UGH! So it was actually a total shock to see him like that, which is one of the reasons, I felt it was truly sincere!

 

So you just never know! I am sure you will hear from him. But, from what you say, do you want to?? What would come of it? Would you want to be friends?

[Hopeful714]

I cant be friends. I know the relationship wont work long term. I guess Im still longing. As I said I would have liked a genuine apology but he most likely cant or doesnt know how to give one. I better get off of here now...Im feeling pathetic and sad and he's probably out bangin the new girl! lol. Till later;)

[BrokenDreamCatcher]

Oh ok. Yea, sad but true, he probably is!