sgtmoody Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 quick background: I have been dating my GF for 5.5 months now. She's 21 I'm 27 and yes I understand that the age gap can be an issue since a 21 year old isnt as mature as someone my age. But we get along great and the distance inst too bad we live about 2 hours apart by plane. She had 2 failed relationships before me. The first relationship went as far as them getting engaged and ended before they got married. Her ex never showed any emotion or love towards her untill they broke up. The second relationship lasted a few months before her ex randomly told her he wasnt sure he had feelings for her anymore. We had been friends and talked to each other regularly when this happened and got together shortly after they broke up. She has told me that because of all that she has put up walls and become more reserved. She isnt so quick to get super attached in a relationship. Our relationship is going well and we have a great time both in person and long distance. I have really strong feelings for her and she is the same way. The issue is when I try to bring up the topic of where do we go next she kinda freaks out. When I bring up things like living together or moving closer to each other or meeting family she says why do need to talk about it we are "just dating". I get the feeling that she is afraid of being let down again in a relationship so she has kind of shut down and doenst want to get super attached by thinking about the future. I'm at the point in my life where I'm looking down the road at where I want to be 2 years from now. I know that I want that to include her and for me I'm open to moving to her or her moving to me. For her she has said that she wants to move to where I am and that she doesnt want me moving away from where I love to live but I'm open either way. I just know that I love her and I want her to be a more important part of my life. My issue is that I dont want to drive her away by pushing the subject. But I get the feeling that she is kind of hesitant to let me further into her life for fear that she is going to get hurt again. Is there any way to approach this or do you just have to let time play out? Thanks in advance for reading and giving advice.
todreaminblue Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Hopefully when she feels that you are legit about your feelings for her and your commitment to the relationship those barriers are going to dissolve, it may take a little time, she is only young so i will assume those relationships are pretty recent and she has gone from one to the next and rebounded maybe to you if this is the case....she hasn't been able to process the failure of the relationships properly and she is now doing that in the relationship she has with you.....which is why the barriers are still up....it will take time...but trust is a wonderful thing, it can heal ,you are probably just going to have to ride the indecision out,i dont think pushing her will make it happen any faster,eventually she will feel secure,hopefully sooner rather than later....i wish you luck in life and love.....deb
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