prince's Girl Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post. I got married very young (22) to a man who was older than me and my friend (has was 37) You see I wanted a baby but my dad is very old fashioned and doesn't believe in children out of wedlock.plus I was sure if I didn't take the oppertunity to get married when it was offered that I'd never be asked again, by anyone. Things were OK I guess apart from every now and then we would have huge arguments. We went on to have two children, god knows how but we did. I have not been an angel and I have had an affair, I have no excuse for that. But I guess the older I got the bigger the age gap seemed to get. My husband has just had treatment for bowel cancer and now has a colostomy bag, so now we don't even have a sex life. I have considered leaving so many times over the years, but now I feel bad. How can I leave my husband who has just beaten cancer. How can I take 2 small children (2 1/2 and 5 months) I have no job no money. But I am so in happy. I cry myself to sleep most nights, I just don't know what to do. Please help me.
alexandria35 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 What a terrible situation you are in. I think guys should realize that when they become romantically involved with a much younger woman, especially a woman under the age of 25, that she is probably not fully emotionally mature and she will most likely outgrow her romantic feelings for her older man. Your husband is not that old but you weren't mature enough to pick a lifetime mate when he courted you and now you want to move on. I understand that but it does kind of suck that you want to leave him just as he has been dealt the cancer card. Does he know about your affair? If he does how did the two of you deal with it? Are you wanting to leave the marriage to be with your affair partner? You say you are very unhappy but have you considered the possibility of repairing the marriage and finding happiness within that relationship. I don't know a lot about colostomy bags and such but I imagine that there are many men you have had to deal with them and I'm thinking there is probably some support out there for them and how to deal with still having an intimate relationships? Have the 2 of you looked into all of your options? If you truly can't stand the marriage and don't want to work on making it better, then maybe it is best if you leave him. Sad as the situation is I don't think he really wants a wife who doesn't love him. You will just have to tell him the truth about how you feel and then set him free.
Mrselfdestrukt Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I hate to sound harsh - but from the brief intro you gave, you really didn't marry this guy for the right reasons. Have you ever loved the guy, or was this simply someone to get you pregnant. If so, that's hardly a great foundation for a marriage is it? Every relationship has ups and downs, and arguments are not uncommon. You don't mention about how things are between you on a daily basis - is he generally good to you? considerate? supportive? And now the guy is ill, and through no fault of his own has to suffer a colostomy bag - I'm sure it's no bed of roses for him living with that; I'm sure right now, sex is probably way down on his list of priorities. For better for worse / in sickness and in health - etc (Apologies if this sounds patronising)
yessy21 Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Good Morning to all, my love, you have set your self up with this life. in order for him to want to marry you, you had to be in a relationship with him. and apparently you falsly mislead the man. it sounds like you do not love him that way. it would be terrible of you to leave this man in the condition he is in. but he deserves better. i think you should sit down and talk to him about this and make a compromise on helping each other out emotionally during this difficult time. on a side note id like to say that you havent grown up yet. you are selfish, and you lack some respect. its not only his life that you have ruined but your childrens as well.
aMguilts Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post. I got married very young (22) to a man who was older than me and my friend (has was 37) You see I wanted a baby but my dad is very old fashioned and doesn't believe in children out of wedlock.plus I was sure if I didn't take the oppertunity to get married when it was offered that I'd never be asked again, by anyone. Things were OK I guess apart from every now and then we would have huge arguments. We went on to have two children, god knows how but we did. I have not been an angel and I have had an affair, I have no excuse for that. But I guess the older I got the bigger the age gap seemed to get. My husband has just had treatment for bowel cancer and now has a colostomy bag, so now we don't even have a sex life. I have considered leaving so many times over the years, but now I feel bad. How can I leave my husband who has just beaten cancer. How can I take 2 small children (2 1/2 and 5 months) I have no job no money. But I am so in happy. I cry myself to sleep most nights, I just don't know what to do. Please help me. Im not even going to say anything, but WHY did you marry him?? Because you got pregnant from this guy? "We went on to have two children, god knows how but we did."??? Kidding right? And now you are crying yourself to sleep at night? What do you do?? You get a babysitter to look after the kids, then you take your husband out somewhere quiet( but i would suggest not totally alone( a quiet pub?)) And then you say to him just what you have told us. aM 1
aMguilts Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 I have not been an angel and I have had an affair, I have no excuse for that. But I guess the older I got the bigger the age gap seemed to get. Please help me. That happens. Sometimes when i daydream for 5 seconds, next thing i know, i snap myself awake and i`m the same age( minus 5 seconds...) But everyone else around me has aged years. Highlander...great film aM
PoopHappens Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Marriage seems to be a "oh just kidding, had my fingers crossed behind my back" pass time for some people. I think the minute you decide you've had enough and the other person just isn't for you, minus abusive situations, then it's fait accompli. It sure is nice when everything in life goes lockstep with one and other over the years. But how often is this the case? I wish you the best on your decision, it can't be easy. But he deserves to be talked with. To be told exactly what you feel, NOT what you think he wants to hear so that you can save him from hurt until after you're gone and out of earshot. You may be surprised what you find out.
aMguilts Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Marriage seems to be a "oh just kidding, had my fingers crossed behind my back" pass time for some people. I think the minute you decide you've had enough and the other person just isn't for you, minus abusive situations, then it's fait accompli. It sure is nice when everything in life goes lockstep with one and other over the years. But how often is this the case? I wish you the best on your decision, it can't be easy. But he deserves to be talked with. To be told exactly what you feel, NOT what you think he wants to hear so that you can save him from hurt until after you're gone and out of earshot. You may be surprised what you find out. yup. this. aM
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