Can't believe his actions!!

[rie05]

Hi. I have to admit, I'm usually lurk and read through forums rather than post myself, so this is my first post. Be gentle!!

 

Just some background info. I had been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We are both 29. I have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. We both work full time. We were both working hard to save for a deposit for a house for our future. He really has a strong work ethic and works long hours.

 

Anyhow. He has been living with me for around 18 months. He never suggested that he was unhappy in the relationship. I thought things were going well.

 

Around 3 weeks ago now he started to get a little off with me. Not answering my calls. Not turning up for work (He worked for me in the evenings as a second job). I knew something was up. There was definitely lots of signs he wasn't behaving as he should. (I was in a very bad relationship years ago, were I was constantly cheated on so I know the signs all too well....)

 

Anyhow we had argued for those two weeks because I felt distressed he was up to no good. He seemed to be avoiding me. Dashing out of the door as soon as opportunity arose. I hardly saw him for these two weeks. Even when I pleaded for him to come home to talk to me, he would say he wasn't in the mood etc.

 

Last Wednesday, I text him in the morning to ask how he was. I went to work and he replied that he was OK. I responded with "Can you come home later to have a little bit of passion" to which he responded. "I'm not really feeling like that at the moment". This obviously sent me off and radar and before lunchtime he had told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore and he wanted to be on his own. Many excuses followed like "I don't have him for a relationship right now". Obviously I was stuck at work and very upset, but this just angered him further.

 

That night he didn't come home. He stayed out until 5am. He sneaked in and went to shower. I was in distress so this woke me up. I went into the bathroom and asked him where he had been and he simply said in my car. He stated he had only come back to shower. I left the bathroom and climbed back in bed. He finished his shower, dumped his clothes by the laundry basket and proceeded to leave. He looked back at me and say goodbye. I glanced at him and looked sadly the other way. He text me that he was sorry he hurt me.

 

Next morning, I picked up the clothes from where he had left them. To my surprise (or not so much!!) the pants had xxx stains in them!! Absolutely disgusting and undeniable!! (Sorry for the info!). I was now a woman on a mission! I confronted him (text) about them and he told me that I can't of washed them probably. I told him he was lying. He pretty much told me I could believe what I wanted to believe. I said I would prove he was lying. This was in the morning (8AM). I went to work and I didn't hear from him again. I was working late till 1AM and when I got home I just burst into tears! (Not that I hadn't been all day!) I stayed up until around 3AM. I was determined to find out the truth after nearly being awake for 48 hours. I had a way of finding him. I won't say how!!! I got in my car and drove to the location which was a dead end street near a park. I parked my car at the end and walked down to the secluded area. And there sure enough was him and another girl in the car. (Possibly 10 years my junior!). I walked up to the windscreen, looked him in the eye and walked away. (To keep my pride!!)

 

I haven't heard from him since I saw him in the car. I haven't contacted him in anyway (NC). I just can't believe he has done this to me..... And not cared about how I'm feeling.... But really, part of me really hates him for this.

 

Opinions please x

[Balzac]

Welcome to LS. Sorry for your misery. What jumps out at me:

 

9 year old son

BF moved in @6 months

BF employed by you

 

He's responsible for his behavior but this is guy #2 who has cheated.

It's gotta be painfully familiar.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hate him, dump him, cut him out completely and make sure your and his stuff is separated.

 

Dump his stuff in a storage unit, pay for it for 14 days, give him the code to pick it up and have nothing more to do with him, ever.

 

If inclined, include any and all gifts he would've given.

 

Close out any joint assets, remove yourself from joint bank accounts credit cards etc.

 

Boyfriends are not husbands and should not be treated as such ever.

 

best of luck, sorry you are hurting. In six months you will be getting his name mixed up with other exes because he will be just another one.

 

Your brain will adjust, you will go through the heartbreak, outrage, depression etc.

 

**** that bull****.

 

Hi. I have to admit, I'm usually lurk and read through forums rather than post myself, so this is my first post. Be gentle!!

 

Just some background info. I had been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We are both 29. I have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. We both work full time. We were both working hard to save for a deposit for a house for our future. He really has a strong work ethic and works long hours.

 

Anyhow. He has been living with me for around 18 months. He never suggested that he was unhappy in the relationship. I thought things were going well.

 

Around 3 weeks ago now he started to get a little off with me. Not answering my calls. Not turning up for work (He worked for me in the evenings as a second job). I knew something was up. There was definitely lots of signs he wasn't behaving as he should. (I was in a very bad relationship years ago, were I was constantly cheated on so I know the signs all too well....)

 

Anyhow we had argued for those two weeks because I felt distressed he was up to no good. He seemed to be avoiding me. Dashing out of the door as soon as opportunity arose. I hardly saw him for these two weeks. Even when I pleaded for him to come home to talk to me, he would say he wasn't in the mood etc.

 

Last Wednesday, I text him in the morning to ask how he was. I went to work and he replied that he was OK. I responded with "Can you come home later to have a little bit of passion" to which he responded. "I'm not really feeling like that at the moment". This obviously sent me off and radar and before lunchtime he had told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore and he wanted to be on his own. Many excuses followed like "I don't have him for a relationship right now". Obviously I was stuck at work and very upset, but this just angered him further.

 

That night he didn't come home. He stayed out until 5am. He sneaked in and went to shower. I was in distress so this woke me up. I went into the bathroom and asked him where he had been and he simply said in my car. He stated he had only come back to shower. I left the bathroom and climbed back in bed. He finished his shower, dumped his clothes by the laundry basket and proceeded to leave. He looked back at me and say goodbye. I glanced at him and looked sadly the other way. He text me that he was sorry he hurt me.

 

Next morning, I picked up the clothes from where he had left them. To my surprise (or not so much!!) the pants had xxx stains in them!! Absolutely disgusting and undeniable!! (Sorry for the info!). I was now a woman on a mission! I confronted him (text) about them and he told me that I can't of washed them probably. I told him he was lying. He pretty much told me I could believe what I wanted to believe. I said I would prove he was lying. This was in the morning (8AM). I went to work and I didn't hear from him again. I was working late till 1AM and when I got home I just burst into tears! (Not that I hadn't been all day!) I stayed up until around 3AM. I was determined to find out the truth after nearly being awake for 48 hours. I had a way of finding him. I won't say how!!! I got in my car and drove to the location which was a dead end street near a park. I parked my car at the end and walked down to the secluded area. And there sure enough was him and another girl in the car. (Possibly 10 years my junior!). I walked up to the windscreen, looked him in the eye and walked away. (To keep my pride!!)

 

I haven't heard from him since I saw him in the car. I haven't contacted him in anyway (NC). I just can't believe he has done this to me..... And not cared about how I'm feeling.... But really, part of me really hates him for this.

 

Opinions please x

[dreamingoftigers]

You might as well include whatever taxation/employment stuff he needs in there too because really, he's so fired for not showing up to work on top of everything. Replace him immediately.

 

Hate him, dump him, cut him out completely and make sure your and his stuff is separated.

 

Dump his stuff in a storage unit, pay for it for 14 days, give him the code to pick it up and have nothing more to do with him, ever.

 

If inclined, include any and all gifts he would've given.

 

Close out any joint assets, remove yourself from joint bank accounts credit cards etc.

 

Boyfriends are not husbands and should not be treated as such ever.

 

best of luck, sorry you are hurting. In six months you will be getting his name mixed up with other exes because he will be just another one.

 

Your brain will adjust, you will go through the heartbreak, outrage, depression etc.

 

**** that bull****.

[rie05]

Welcome to LS. Sorry for your misery. What jumps out at me:

 

9 year old son

BF moved in @6 months

BF employed by you

 

He's responsible for his behavior but this is guy #2 who has cheated.

It's gotta be painfully familiar.

 

Yeah he did work at my store and that's how we originally met. I obviously had to explain to my son (not the really reason) why he was not here.

 

Yeah it was so familiar. I was into him straight away. Unfortunately it seems like this time I was too trusting. I just can't believe he hasn't even apologised.

[todreaminblue]

Hi. I have to admit, I'm usually lurk and read through forums rather than post myself, so this is my first post. Be gentle!!

 

Just some background info. I had been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We are both 29. I have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. We both work full time. We were both working hard to save for a deposit for a house for our future. He really has a strong work ethic and works long hours.

 

Anyhow. He has been living with me for around 18 months. He never suggested that he was unhappy in the relationship. I thought things were going well.

 

Around 3 weeks ago now he started to get a little off with me. Not answering my calls. Not turning up for work (He worked for me in the evenings as a second job). I knew something was up. There was definitely lots of signs he wasn't behaving as he should. (I was in a very bad relationship years ago, were I was constantly cheated on so I know the signs all too well....)

 

Anyhow we had argued for those two weeks because I felt distressed he was up to no good. He seemed to be avoiding me. Dashing out of the door as soon as opportunity arose. I hardly saw him for these two weeks. Even when I pleaded for him to come home to talk to me, he would say he wasn't in the mood etc.

 

Last Wednesday, I text him in the morning to ask how he was. I went to work and he replied that he was OK. I responded with "Can you come home later to have a little bit of passion" to which he responded. "I'm not really feeling like that at the moment". This obviously sent me off and radar and before lunchtime he had told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore and he wanted to be on his own. Many excuses followed like "I don't have him for a relationship right now". Obviously I was stuck at work and very upset, but this just angered him further.

 

That night he didn't come home. He stayed out until 5am. He sneaked in and went to shower. I was in distress so this woke me up. I went into the bathroom and asked him where he had been and he simply said in my car. He stated he had only come back to shower. I left the bathroom and climbed back in bed. He finished his shower, dumped his clothes by the laundry basket and proceeded to leave. He looked back at me and say goodbye. I glanced at him and looked sadly the other way. He text me that he was sorry he hurt me.

 

Next morning, I picked up the clothes from where he had left them. To my surprise (or not so much!!) the pants had xxx stains in them!! Absolutely disgusting and undeniable!! (Sorry for the info!). I was now a woman on a mission! I confronted him (text) about them and he told me that I can't of washed them probably. I told him he was lying. He pretty much told me I could believe what I wanted to believe. I said I would prove he was lying. This was in the morning (8AM). I went to work and I didn't hear from him again. I was working late till 1AM and when I got home I just burst into tears! (Not that I hadn't been all day!) I stayed up until around 3AM. I was determined to find out the truth after nearly being awake for 48 hours. I had a way of finding him. I won't say how!!! I got in my car and drove to the location which was a dead end street near a park. I parked my car at the end and walked down to the secluded area. And there sure enough was him and another girl in the car. (Possibly 10 years my junior!). I walked up to the windscreen, looked him in the eye and walked away. (To keep my pride!!)

 

I haven't heard from him since I saw him in the car. I haven't contacted him in anyway (NC). I just can't believe he has done this to me..... And not cared about how I'm feeling.... But really, part of me really hates him for this.

 

Opinions please x

 

 

I feel for you been down this track and it is rough........dont take him back dont spend any more time with a guy who cheats you have been through this before.....it doesnt work does it? you are doing the right thing by NC I wish you the best and hope you find a man who can stay faithful they are out there and the sooner you let this one go the sooner you will have your chance with the guy who is right for you.......hugs.....deb

[rie05]

You might as well include whatever taxation/employment stuff he needs in there too because really, he's so fired for not showing up to work on top of everything. Replace him immediately.

 

He has already said that he won't be returning. I will apply for his P45 tomorrow.

 

I have packed his things. Should I tell him this or not bother?

 

One thing tho, I will not be some guys doormat!!

[dreamingoftigers]

He has already said that he won't be returning. I will apply for his P45 tomorrow.

 

I have packed his things. Should I tell him this or not bother?

 

One thing tho, I will not be some guys doormat!!

 

Seriously, storage unit, don't bother seeing him. Just text the address to it and the code.

 

I've played around with the getting rid of toxic people stuff. It's the quickest way to be rid of garbage. And if he doesn't pick his stuff up, boo-hoo for him.

 

Say nothing bitter, say nothing at all.

 

he's an idiot and will just spout a whole bunch of "it's all your fault" blame.

 

have you blocked him on Fb yet?

 

Have you untangled any of his friends from there as well?

 

It'll take him about 6 months to realize that he's the ****up and then you'll be miles beyond this.

[rie05]

Seriously, storage unit, don't bother seeing him. Just text the address to it and the code.

 

I've played around with the getting rid of toxic people stuff. It's the quickest way to be rid of garbage. And if he doesn't pick his stuff up, boo-hoo for him.

 

Say nothing bitter, say nothing at all.

 

he's an idiot and will just spout a whole bunch of "it's all your fault" blame.

 

have you blocked him on Fb yet?

 

Have you untangled any of his friends from there as well?

 

It'll take him about 6 months to realize that he's the ****up and then you'll be miles beyond this.

 

I can take his stuff to a storage unit. I'm off on Wednesday so I can find out about that. Unfortunately he still has my keys so I guess I should change the locks

 

I haven't blocked him on FB yet. He never added me as his girlfriend on there. He refused. Said he was a private person.

 

I did so much for him in every way. Even looked after him mum and nan when they were ill. This is such a kick in the teeth!! Only a coward, would have said nothing after that!!!

[dreamingoftigers]

 

I did so much for him in every way. Even looked after him mum and nan when they were ill. This is such a kick in the teeth!! Only a coward, would have said nothing after that!!!

 

Tell his Mum that you enjoyed having them as good company etc and that you hope her son finds happiness with the *ahem* young lady he is currently seeing.

 

in fact, perhaps give his mother the address and code to the storage unit so that you don't have to text him at all and block his number.

[dreamingoftigers]

"Man who cheats on gf of two years in car with dumb young girl turns out to be cowardly - News at 11:00."

[rie05]

"Man who cheats on gf of two years in car with dumb young girl turns out to be cowardly - News at 11:00."

 

Lol This made me smile. Thank you to everyone that has replied already

[mishy]

well how classy, in the car and all.....

 

If i were you i wouldnt speak another word to him. Dont even pack up his stuff in a box, just fling it out loose onto the sidewalk. What a cowardly weak man.

 

Change your locks.

[dreamingoftigers]

just fling it out loose onto the sidewalk.

 

Legal implications.....that's all.

[mishy]

Legal implications.....that's all.

 

leave it in the front yard then lol. Loose, still fling it.

[rie05]

I will take his "rubbish" to a storage place even tho I feel like throwing it out!!

 

It's funny on reflection, he really put minimal effort onto our relationship. Just even the little things that make you feel special and loved

 

The FB thing annoyed me for ages. Although he stressed it was not important to have me on there as his girlfriend as everyone important knew anyway.

 

What annoys me the most is the total lack of care for me he has had over this situation. Surely if you had been so close to someone for a long period of time, how could you let them see what I saw and walk away and not go after them? Or say anything for that matter?

 

Unbelievable! But at least I know what a scumbag is truly is!!

[CptSaveAho]

You knew this was going to happen 29.... im sure this isnt your first rodeo

 

Now you act "Surprised" Come on, you enjoyed this... the drama, the suspense... Im 30 and I can spot this within 10 minutes... you chose this path

Edited November 13, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[rie05]

How do I enjoy someone breaking my heart and cheating on me??

 

Of course everyone has a past but this is not what I wanted at all

[dreamingoftigers]

Don't listen to doucheness.

 

Lots of guys on this site love to blameshift and think that women only love jerks, love their drama, being used etc. That's why they sit here on this site complaining about how they can't get dates.

 

Then when you say: "If your theories about women are so bang-on, why don't you have a date."

 

Then it goes two ways

 

1. Because all women on the planet want XYZ beyond the moon standard and I'm just a regular above-average guy

2. Whaddya mean I can't get dates? I'm an "Alpha" I can bang every chick in sight. You must be old/jealous/fat/man-hater/feminazi.

 

Anyhow what I have noticed in life is that if you are putting in more than 55/45 than the other person actually gets the free time to start criticizing and resenting you, they can sit back because they aren't doing the relational work and say "see you missed that spot over there, not perfect enough." Than if you say, "hey, do you think you could do your half of the work like you agreed?" They say "that's so controlling, y'know so and so has this girlfriend that does XYZ more and doesn't bitch."

 

Um, yeah.... and this translates across genders, ages everything. I had a friend like that. etc etc etc I move slower in friendships and even in my own marriage. It works much better to back off and let people pull their own weight. Plus people grow more attached to what they work at. If you don't put any effort in, it isn't as much of a loss. People only notice effort if they know what effort is and the time and thought put into a gesture.

 

One book that really helped me was "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townshend.

 

Learning to empathize without rescuing was pretty important to me too. As well, getting involved via work....ugh... because then if/when you breakup you have to go back there and just think, "oh yeah I remember we moved those boxes and then there was that time his burrito exploded in the microwave." It smacks at your piece of mind. Your brain goes looking for "the missing piece" at work.

 

best of luck. Hopefully more sleep comes soon. Better to be rid of a cheater. You know the sick feeling in your stomach goes the quicker you evict them from your bed and heart.

 

In my case, it's taken about 3 years to get my marriage on track again. You didn't marry the guy (thank God) and you have a better chance of finding someone non-douche, especially since you had the courage and fortitude to dump him so rapidly. A lot of good men respect that.

[rie05]

Don't listen to doucheness.

 

Lots of guys on this site love to blameshift and think that women only love jerks, love their drama, being used etc. That's why they sit here on this site complaining about how they can't get dates.

 

Then when you say: "If your theories about women are so bang-on, why don't you have a date."

 

Then it goes two ways

 

1. Because all women on the planet want XYZ beyond the moon standard and I'm just a regular above-average guy

2. Whaddya mean I can't get dates? I'm an "Alpha" I can bang every chick in sight. You must be old/jealous/fat/man-hater/feminazi.

 

Anyhow what I have noticed in life is that if you are putting in more than 55/45 than the other person actually gets the free time to start criticizing and resenting you, they can sit back because they aren't doing the relational work and say "see you missed that spot over there, not perfect enough." Than if you say, "hey, do you think you could do your half of the work like you agreed?" They say "that's so controlling, y'know so and so has this girlfriend that does XYZ more and doesn't bitch."

 

Um, yeah.... and this translates across genders, ages everything. I had a friend like that. etc etc etc I move slower in friendships and even in my own marriage. It works much better to back off and let people pull their own weight. Plus people grow more attached to what they work at. If you don't put any effort in, it isn't as much of a loss. People only notice effort if they know what effort is and the time and thought put into a gesture.

 

One book that really helped me was "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townshend.

 

Learning to empathize without rescuing was pretty important to me too. As well, getting involved via work....ugh... because then if/when you breakup you have to go back there and just think, "oh yeah I remember we moved those boxes and then there was that time his burrito exploded in the microwave." It smacks at your piece of mind. Your brain goes looking for "the missing piece" at work.

 

best of luck. Hopefully more sleep comes soon. Better to be rid of a cheater. You know the sick feeling in your stomach goes the quicker you evict them from your bed and heart.

 

In my case, it's taken about 3 years to get my marriage on track again. You didn't marry the guy (thank God) and you have a better chance of finding someone non-douche, especially since you had the courage and fortitude to dump him so rapidly. A lot of good men respect that.

 

Thank you for your advice Unfortunatly he seems like he is not a good man and won't respect what I have done. Probably hadn't even given it a second thought! I am going to put his things into storage tomorrow if he doesn't collect them today while I'm at work.

 

I still have that sick feeling in my stomach. It's horrible. Although it seems that love can turn into hate after some actions....

[KatZee]

How do I enjoy someone breaking my heart and cheating on me??

 

Of course everyone has a past but this is not what I wanted at all

 

Have to agree. Don't listen to idiots on here who like to talk out of their a.ss.

 

My ex pulled the SAME crap with me. Was with him almost three years though, did everything and anything for him, turns out he cheated on me, and at the end I'm pretty sure he left me for some chick he met at his new job.

 

There was drama yes, but there was no love of it. There was no addiction to it or "rush" from all the bulls.hit he put me through.

 

I'm just a very sincere person, I thought he loved me, after all we had been through. I take relationships VERY seriously and I put in the hard work to try to make things right, and to make a relationship thrive.

 

This doesn't mean you "love drama" or whatever else people want to try to say. That's the biggest load if I've ever heard.

[rie05]

Just found out who she is today ...! Just an 18 year old girl!! Just sick!! I can't believe he left me because of some teenager!!! Worst still, she had been calling him for ages and he had said she was a "client" from his mini cabbing work.

 

Rahhhh!!!

[dreamingoftigers]

Just found out who she is today ...! Just an 18 year old girl!! Just sick!! I can't believe he left me because of some teenager!!! Worst still, she had been calling him for ages and he had said she was a "client" from his mini cabbing work.

 

Rahhhh!!!

 

Yeah, that'll work out well....

 

I don't think that you can help but to do better than him.

[rie05]

I find it disgusting really!! Leave your home, family and future for an 18 year old. I don't think it will last. I can't believe he would sink so low....

 

It makes me feel sick. The only thing I can take comfort in, is that I know he will regret this at some stage. Although I still haven't heard a word from him since I saw him in the car. He texted his friend (who also works for me), on Sarurday night before I saw him in the car. He had asked if I had been to work and that we had split up because we wanted "different things". He also said he hadn't heard from me so he had "no idea what's going on in my head". You wouldn't want to know ***hole!

 

No contact staying strong. Feel more angry than anything now. Bridge is totally burnt. The fact that I haven't heard anything speaks volumes I guess....