ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I need to turn this guy down and I feel really bad about it, but I am just so uninterested in him. Basically he goes to my church and he is nice but my parents try to push him on me. Anyways I tried to be nice and we went out on a date and it was fine I just didn't click with him now he like talks to me all the time which is fine, he asked me to hang out on his birthday which I couldn't because I went somewhere, he tells me how much he likes me, and he sends me cute texts (which would be PERFECT if I wanted to date him). I am always nice and I will continue to be, but I don't want to lead him on. I told him I am not looking to date anyone and he is still like texting me and stuff, he is getting kind of annoying I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a bitch because I don't want bad karma.
KathyM Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I'd suggest you tell him "I think we need to talk. I don't want to lead you on in any way. I think you're a great guy, you have (insert his strong points), but I just want to put it out there that a romantic relationship is not doable, because I'm just not feeling that way towards you. You've been great, but I don't want to lead you on and let you think something could come from this."
Mrlonelyone Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 (edited) So the big problem is his texting you? Are the contents of the text just cute/funny or are they explicitly romantic? I ask because some people like to text out cute/funny things to people they know in hopes of giving them a smile or a laugh. Based on what you have said it could be just that innocent. (If not then I suppose several of my friends and family would like to eff me.) If the text are like what a man says to a woman he wants to date then you need to have a talk with him. If the text are just what good friends would say to eachother then I don't see a need for a talk which could end up loosing you a friend. Then there is the fact this is someone you may have to see at church on a regular basis, simply going NC or being a *itch isn't an option. Edited November 12, 2012 by Mrlonelyone
truth_seeker Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 You tell him how you think he's sweet and a gentleman but he's not your type. He should get the hint and respectfully bow out. If he continues after you've been direct with your feelings, then you must be blunt and tell him you're not interested in dating him. 1
somedude81 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 You tell him how you think he's sweet and a gentleman but he's not your type. He should get the hint and respectfully bow out. If he continues after you've been direct with your feelings, then you must be blunt and tell him you're not interested in dating him. I'd also recommend going no contact on him AFTER you tell him you aren't interested.
Savannah91 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Just tell him you are not interested after telling a story about how your friend has all these guys that get mad at her because she wont date him then he wont say anything when you say your not looking for a relationship right now. Its your choice and if he really likes you he will respect your choice to not want to date him. Tell him you can be friends and maybe one day in the far future and by then he will forget. just some ideas. hopefully that helps you 1
carhill Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 'Thanks for your offer but I don't feel *that* way about you' 1
todreaminblue Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I need to turn this guy down and I feel really bad about it, but I am just so uninterested in him. Basically he goes to my church and he is nice but my parents try to push him on me. Anyways I tried to be nice and we went out on a date and it was fine I just didn't click with him now he like talks to me all the time which is fine, he asked me to hang out on his birthday which I couldn't because I went somewhere, he tells me how much he likes me, and he sends me cute texts (which would be PERFECT if I wanted to date him). I am always nice and I will continue to be, but I don't want to lead him on. I told him I am not looking to date anyone and he is still like texting me and stuff, he is getting kind of annoying I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a bitch because I don't want bad karma. just be honest, it isnt mean to be honest with how you feel, its mean if you ignore his texts or prolong the situation, being honest is respectful of his feelings.I used to avoid situations in telling people how i feel I dont anymore,even though i find it hard to express myself i find i feel much better when i do.So for his sake and for your own sake tell him the truth.Might be hard to maintain a friendship if he has feelings for you so you may have to let him go entirely so he can move on......i wish you the best with telling him, good luck.....deb 1
somedude81 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Just tell him you are not interested after telling a story about how your friend has all these guys that get mad at her because she wont date him then he wont say anything when you say your not looking for a relationship right now. Its your choice and if he really likes you he will respect your choice to not want to date him. Tell him you can be friends and maybe one day in the far future and by then he will forget. just some ideas. hopefully that helps you No no no no no non ono Do not tell the guy that you hope you can be friends NO nono no nonononono!!!!!!!!!!! Guys that really like somebody will only be encouraged by a girl who wants to be his friend. It tells him that there is still hope and he can win her over. If you don't like a guy and don't want to date him, the best thing you can for him and yourself is to cut all contact. Tell him why you are doing it then do it. 2
grkBoy Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Let's say his name is "John"... John, I have to be honest with you. While I can see you're obviously interested in something along the lines of romance with me, I unfortunately do not feel the same way about you. I gave things a shot, went on a date with you, but I simply have no interest in you on a dating/romantic level. If you would like to remain friends, then that's great, but if you were hoping for more, then I would suggest we part ways and go about our own lives. I just don't want you working yourself up into some hope of something that won't happen. Regards, ImperfectionisBeauty Plain and to the point. If a girl told me this I wouldn't get mad. Maybe I'd be disappointed, but I'd respect her for coming clean. Maybe I'd be friends, but I wouldn't do any of the "cute" stuff, or let her make me into a cuddle-buddy/pseudo-boyfriend of any sort. If he can't handle it and thus hands you drama, or comes back with 20 questions, trying to convince you to give him a chance, just go silent and ignore him. Grow a thick skin and know you cut him off respectfully and honestly. If he can't handle it, it's not your problem anymore. 2
phineas Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 'Thanks for your offer but I don't feel *that* way about you' This. He's a man. We don't need it sugar-coated. We need our still beating hearts ripped from our chests & shown to us before you flush it down the drain! LOL! Oh, then disappear off the face of the earth. It's the only way a guy will learn. 1
Shaun-Dro Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I need to turn this guy down and I feel really bad about it, but I am just so uninterested in him. Basically he goes to my church and he is nice but my parents try to push him on me. Anyways I tried to be nice and we went out on a date and it was fine I just didn't click with him now he like talks to me all the time which is fine, he asked me to hang out on his birthday which I couldn't because I went somewhere, he tells me how much he likes me, and he sends me cute texts (which would be PERFECT if I wanted to date him). I am always nice and I will continue to be, but I don't want to lead him on. I told him I am not looking to date anyone and he is still like texting me and stuff, he is getting kind of annoying I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a bitch because I don't want bad karma. Then stop leading him on by playing games. He already thinks he's got a shot with you because you're behaving as if you're interested. Either you be honest and tell him that he's not your type, lie and say you're seeing someone else, or just ignore his texts altogether. I think the former is best suited for this situation though.
mammasita Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Don't tell him he's not your type, that might hurt his ego...... Simply say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested in a romantic relationship with you ". You have to stress the with you part because the second you start dating someone you do want to have a relationship with, he is likely to think he has a chance again.
jb789 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Just be honest with him.. Tell him you had fun but you just are interested.. you dont have to be mean but don't sugar coat things. And definitely don't give any kind of false hope! I had that the most when guys give it to me
Mrlonelyone Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I say again if the OP's only problem is that he sends annoying text messages she could just say she doesn't want to get text from him anymore. Remember she wrote that this is someone she sees at her church. People who go to church often don't switch easily. They have to be able to be at least civil after whatever happens.
truth_seeker Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 This. He's a man. We don't need it sugar-coated. We need our still beating hearts ripped from our chests & shown to us before you flush it down the drain! LOL! Oh, then disappear off the face of the earth. It's the only way a guy will learn. This is why a woman needs to be direct even if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so. Don't lead the guy on, don't offer the guy hope by being friends. Just tell him straight up you're not into him. Will it hurt? Probably. However, it will allow the both of you to move on quickly. Going ghost on him is mean. Doing that only creates a perception that the guy did something wrong. Be an adult. Be clear about your feelings and go about your business as usual.
carhill Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 This. He's a man. We don't need it sugar-coated. We need our still beating hearts ripped from our chests & shown to us before you flush it down the drain! LOL! Oh, then disappear off the face of the earth. It's the only way a guy will learn. The reason I posted that was, reflecting back upon the women who were straightforward and direct and delivered that clear message turned out to be women I respected and now thank for their candor. Such language was what I needed, over and over, to care less enough to be successful at dating. In any event, I think most men would respect the language; some will invariably be reluctant to take 'no' for an answer but that's on them. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 I say again if the OP's only problem is that he sends annoying text messages she could just say she doesn't want to get text from him anymore. Remember she wrote that this is someone she sees at her church. People who go to church often don't switch easily. They have to be able to be at least civil after whatever happens. They are flirty texts like in the morning he says "good morning sweetheart" which the guys I have actually dated rarely did that. He tells me how much he likes me and wants me to be his girlfriend and it is annoying.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 They are flirty texts like in the morning he says "good morning sweetheart" which the guys I have actually dated rarely did that. He tells me how much he likes me and wants me to be his girlfriend and it is annoying. You could just tell him he's not your boyfriend, won't ever be your boyfriend, and those text are inappropriate.
Under The Radar Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Honesty and Kindness. Those two things, right there, are all you can ask for. Let him know soon ...
Bristolius Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I agree with most here. Tell him you're not interested. If he asks why say something like, "I don't know. I'm just not feeling it." Don't give him any detailed reasons. He'll be OK.
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