Need Help- How to Break-Up???

[ndshlp411]

I really need advice and I don't have many places to turn, so I appriciate you all for listening. I have been with my girlfriend for 10 months now. I first met her because she was a friend of one of my old friend's girlfriend. Anyway the second time we hung out we ended up making out the entire night. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever been with and I felt so lucky to have her. This is her first serious relationship, while this is the 3rd real serious one for me. Well before I met her my friends were an important part of my life. They were essentially my family because I moved out with them to go to school. I used to live with 4 of my friends in an apartment, and during that time I had the time of my life. Anyway some of my past friends are girls that I had been in relationships with. Well when my girlfriend found out she flipped. She told me that she felt very uncomfortable with me hanging out with some of my friends because of this, and I respected her wish because I thought I loved her. I moved out of the house and back in with my parents. I saw my friends less and less until to the point now where I don't ever see, or have contact with any of my friends. When I express to my girlfriend that I miss them, she says that I shouldn't care because they weren't great friends to begin with, and that she is all that I should need. She is extremly jealous and a few months into dating she demanded to know my entire sexual history. I told her everything that I had done in my past and it made her really upset for some reason. When I asked her about her past she was extremely vague, even though I know she has messed around with boys in the past. I didn't push it though because I didn't think it should be an issue. She is also very jealous when we go out. If we ever are doing anything and there is a good looking girl, even if I don't even LOOK at her she will get mad at me because she says she "knows" what I am thinking. Everytime we try to go out to do anything we get into an argument. When we do get in arguments she calls me all kinds of names which really hurt. But then when I say anything back she gets even more upset. After the argument I tell her that the things she said to me her, she says that she didn't mean them because she was mad. Nowdays we just stay at home and avoid going out. This is hard on me because I miss my friends and I miss going out! I used to go dancing and go to parties with my friends, but she dosen't approve of this. She also dosn't drink so she says that I can't even. I respected her wish because I don't need to drink, but I have made some serious life changes to be with her. During some of the big fights I suggested breaking up, but she starts crying, and I can't handle it. I don't want to break her heart. I do love her as a person because she is a very special girl, but I know she is not the one for me, and we aren't meant to be together. I even tried taking a job in another state for a few months so I could get time apart, but I ended up coming home after a week because I thought I missed her and couldn't live with out her. We are different in many ways- mainly how a relationship should be. Anyway I need some advice on what to do. Another reason why it is hard for me to think about breaking up is because I lost most of my friends. I have blown them off for 9 months now and I don't know if anyone will be there for me. I don't want to be alone. I also don't want to be in a relationship where I'm not truly happy. Should we break up, or is there something else I can do or say? I'm pretty sure she won't change so probably not. If I do break up, how should I do it? I just really need help. Thank you!!!

 

-TJ

[morrigan]

This has been posted different times by various people on LS. Ending a relationship is never easy, but it's best to be as polite and as firm about the breakup as possible.

 

If you decide to break up, take her to a neutral location--neither your home nor hers--- and tell her honestly that you wish to end the relationship. Don't call her or email her--do the right thing and break up with her personally. Don't be brutally or cruelly honest--say that you both have drifted apart, you have different feelings and priorities in life, and that it is best that you both end the relationship.

 

Don't go on about your ex's flaws, and don't say that you need space. State clearly that the relationship is over, that your girlfriend is a great person, but the relationship between you two is not working. Also say that you two should have no contact for a long time, it would be too painful for you. Say that you both need to get on with your lives. Be as polite as you can, but don't promise any time periods for a reconciliation--unless that is what you truly want.

 

You're not going to be #1 on your ex's admiration list for a long time. But it's better to end a relationship with some decency and honesty, rather than let something drag on when people are unhappy and become cruel or spiteful.