Crila16 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Dated a guy for only 1 month. Went on a total of 4 dates. He was the first guy in years that I was actually really interested in from date 1. He also made it clear he was looking for something serious and knew I was someone he could see himself with. Never slept with him or fooled around with him...passionate kissing only. I didn’t want to screw it up by sleeping with him too soon. It was also nice that he was respectful that I wasn’t ready to just jump into bed with him...though I will say, the physical chemistry was definitely there. Anyway, he started to flake out on plans with me after a month. Always had an excuse. Had to see his daughter (he’s divorced) or that he had just bought a new house that he had to focus on. After his last blow off txt, I just didn’t even bother responding. I was bummed out, but what was I going to do...so I just deleted his number and moved on. 4 months later...he txt’s me yesterday afternoon...out of the blue, saying he was thinking about me the other day. He said he wouldn’t blame me if I didn’t respond. I txt’d back, who is this? When he told me, he said that he had bugged out with everything that was going on in his life and it was his bad. I told him I had no ill will. That he was always nice to me on our dates... totally flaky, but still a good guy. I don’t know if I could ever go out with him again (not that he asked)...but why did he contact me? I never slept with him for it to be a booty call, he certainly wasn’t in love with me. So why would he contact me? Just curious as to people's opinions. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Leegh Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 If sounds as if he really did/does like you, but is there any way he could be married and/or have a girlfriend? Maybe after going out with you for several times, he realized that it could get too "messy" if he is in with someone else. Have you done any background checks on him to see if he is married? In addition, I do think four months is too long but not an extremely long period of time; it's a long time and it isn't, if you know what I mean. It's good you did not sleep with him, and if you and he go out again, I would not sleep with him until you and he are in an established relationship. It was very wise of you to not sleep with him. My feeling is that he still has a lot of feeling for you but is scared in some way.
phineas Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 9/10 when a person who acted like they liked you disappears it's because they found someone they liked better. They only come back when that person doesn't work out. the other time they have more baggage than a bus station/ international spy & knowing them put you in danger. My pick is the former though. bottom line is someone who really liked you wouldn't cut you off like that & disappear unless YOU did something horribly wrong to them.
Author Crila16 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 @ Leegh...I was wondering the same thing. I know he's not married, but I was wondering if maybe there was another woman involved. His ex has another boyfriend who she lives with. I'm wondering if maybe he hada girlfriend that he was on/off with at the time he dated me...and now they are maybe off? When I was dating him, he was starting to flake out after the 3rd date, so I told him that I didn't want to go out again because he kept blowing me off. I said that a guy that likes a girl, wants to be with her...he doesn't blow her off. He got really upset and begged me to be patient with him, that he had just bought his house and that was his focus. After the final blow off and never hearing from him again...i just assumed he wasn't interested, even though he told me he was very interested and didn't want to end things. Actions speak louder than words. It must have been another woman.
River Rain Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Your situation sounds familiar to mine, my ex was just insecure and immature. He was afraid of commitment, but regretted letting me go. He had trust issues too, brought his baggage into our relationship. He got lonely then ran away when things started getting more serious. He recontacted me after we broke up, three times saying he was sad and thinking about me. I guess this is the definition of "flaky"? He didn't know what he wanted, still doesn't, thus the attempt to contact me again. His issues not mine. Why did he come back? I'd say one or all of the above, but that's just based on my own experience. And assuming another love interest wasn't the reason.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Its another girl. Its true if a guy really likes you he would chase you untul he makes u his. The fact he actually came back, he. findsl you an option and is looking for an easy lay.
Author Crila16 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 @ xpaperxcutx ...an easy lay??? I don't think so, considering he never even got to second base with me. There was no sleep overs or heavy petting. If anything, I'm NOT an easy lay and he knew that. He is already very well aware that it takes me a long time before I sleep with a guy.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 @ xpaperxcutx ...an easy lay??? I don't think so, considering he never even got to second base with me. There was no sleep overs or heavy petting. If anything, I'm NOT an easy lay and he knew that. He is already very well aware that it takes me a long time before I sleep with a guy. No disrespect to you, but men will try to test your limits just to see how far they can go. He came bavk and is now trying to worm his way back into your life. Maybe he will even put in some added effort to get on your good sides. If you let him, he will ask you out again and then when he loses interest. he'll disappear again.
Leegh Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I guess a question could be if there was a girlfriend, does he still have feelings for her, or did he in some way feel obligated towards her, and was still seeing her out of a sense of obligation. If he met her before he met you, that is a whole lot better then if he met her after he met you. If you don't hear anything from him for several weeks, you could send him an e-mail around Christmas and say "Merry Christmas" and a few casual words, and see what happens. Good Luck
Author Crila16 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 Thanks everyone for you posts. I'm not in love with him...I just had liked him more than the other guys I've been dating. My heart isn't broken at all, I was just curious why he was contacting me, when he knew I wasn't the type to put out. He knew my ex of 4 years had waited 5 months for me, and this guy said he was cool with waiting. One night we got hot and heavy, and he pulled away and said he didn't want to screw things up, and that he wanted to wait for me to be ready. Then 2 weeks later, blew me off. Anyway, he didn't actually ask me out again or anything, so he may really have just thought about me in passing and txt'd. I was just curious as to why after 4 months, a girl he only dated 4 times who he blew off, he'd contact when he never even had sex with her.
Recommended Posts