adore.mii Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 My ex broke up with me in August of this year, because our relationship had become too volatile due to some resentful behavior on my part. We had been dating for almost 2.5 years at that point. Since we've broken up, I have tried the LC method. In which, I would not call/text/initiate contact. But I'd leave the lines open for him to communicate with me. He's contacted me everyday since the week after we broke up. Most of the conversations are friendy, and very rarely would we open up about about our personal situations in our new single lifestyles. We still occasionally had sex, went out together, and even went on a trip together. In the past, he's told me that he still loves me, but does not want to commit right now, because of the reasons we broke up. However, recently he's been "alluding" to the idea of us getting back together. He's much sweeter to me, like he was when we were together, and he talks about us in the future tense. He even asked if I'd move out of state with him if he gets another job. Last night he inquired about the unmentionable topic that we'd been avoiding since the split: my single life. And I gave him the honest truth. I even revealed that I had tried some online dating. I let him know that the dating was strictly platonic, that I'd only gone out with 3 guys, and there was only one that I'm currently still talking to. I told him that these guys were great guys, but I knew I couldn't find myself seriously dating them, because I was still emotionally involved. I told him that I hadn't even gotten the chance to really "be single" because we talk everyday like a normal couple. His response was very spare and silent. And I'm not sure if I should've played it "cool" and acted like I was moving on just fine. He didn't really give me any details of his single life, other than he'd tried online dating too. I'm just concerned that I may have ruined a second chance because I disclosed too much information. Or that he may now think that I'm not willing to move on. I also feel like I gave him the upper hand on where it is we go from here, instead of him having to work at getting me back. I obviously can't take back what I said, so what do I do now? Any feedback or criticisms are welcomed.
coffeebean201 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Sounds like you both have a really good best friendship and the question is whether or not a relationship works for both of you. I don't think you gave him the upper hand. He won't get back together with you without knowing what you have been doing on a break. So you didn't disclose too much. The real question is what needs to happen/change to make that relationship workable for both of you. Something was driving that resentment. It is hard for people to form new habits. He sounds like he still loves you if he talks to you everyday.
Author adore.mii Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 Thank you Coffeebean! You've given me something else I may need to consider and work on. I hadn't really put much thought into what needs to happen to make it work. I resented him for something he'd done in the relationship, that I'd never actually gotten over. In fact, the only thing I've put real thought into was the break up and whether or not we could reconcile and threw that other issue of resentment to the back burner. Now that I think about it, there is plenty of potential for it to come back if we were to reconcile which could ultimately lead to another volatile and resentful relationship. I don't know how to address this. I love him, want him back, and I want to forgive him and move past that issue. I know I have to forgive him before we actually start over, but that's way easier said than done.
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