smint Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Here we go again. Long story-short,I am 26,I was in long term RS for 7 yrs,ex left me for someone else in March,by the phone,out of blue,my first everything,I was depressed,I went few times to therapist,and I was spending whole days on this site. 3 months after BU,I started dating one jerk who had no respect,but I needed just a hug if you understand me,I dated him for 4 months,and I slept wit him month after we started dating.We had mutual BU.It was rebound. Then two months ago I got opportunity to go aboard to work,and I accepted it,I am going in 7 day,anyway I met one romantic guy,I didn't want anything to start,because of leaving,I ignored him,but he was persistent,and very romantic,after 2 weeks of texting I accepted to meet,we went on tea,he was so gentle... We started seeing each other every day and we kissed each other,and agreed to spend this 19 days I am here,to enjoy,and after that is not important what is going to be. ...I slept with him 10 days after dating,it was beautiful,and then one more time on Saturday,and yesterday he wrote me on Facebook that he is sorry,but he started contact with his old sympathy???WTF???He used me for sex,even if we agreed in the start that we both don't want anything serious,I don't see the point,I haven't asked anything from him,he is the one who was chasing me,we had only 19 days to be together,why doing something like that??? Please don't judge me,I am still lost,I wanted something to be nice,no matter it's just 19 days,I wanted to be beautiful,I have no comment,I am disappointed once again...I wonder how many failures I will have.And what's the point of his behavior???
blue_jay_bird Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 No one can judging you. Your hurt, and rejected by someone you thought loved you. You can pretend all you want but you are in some serious pain. You will not find what you are looking for from other people. New relationship's the hug you want is from yourself. You can spend year's looking for acceptance from other men. It isn't till you love yourself that you will feel inner peace. Try being single, date yourself. You will find you are awesome and you need no man to tell you this. I know it's hard my ex left me after 7 years. IT'S SO ****ing hard. I just want to fall into a bed with any man. But it doesn't make you feel better. It's hard work to feel better cause you have to do all the things you don't want to do. No one said it was going to be easy, BUT in the long run it will feel better. Work on yourself,... typing all this is making me cancel a date i had friday. All i wanted was to show my ex iv moved on and i have a new boyfriend. I wish i could just post happy pic's of me with another guy on facebook. Rub it in his face. BUT THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER.. Moving on comes from with in. <3 stay strong.
Survivor12 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I'm sorry but I don't understand. You say that you both agreed to enjoy your 19 days together & that "after that" was not important. How did he "use" you any more than you used him? I really don't think that is what is bothering you. Is it that you feel that he abandoned you for someone else? Is it that you need a man (him) to make you feel good about yourself (beautiful)? Could it be that you are still dealing with the emotions of your ex bf unexpectedly leaving you for someone else? Whatever the reason, the fact is that you are hurt and while you don't have to justify how you are feeling to anyone, it will help you tremendously to find out the real reason why. In the meantime, give yourself a little break from men and learn how to give yourself hugs when you need them. Love yourself.
KathyM Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 (edited) I can understand you are hurt. You thought this was a mini relationship of a few weeks, and you wanted to be able to leave with a good taste in your mouth about it, and not be unnecessarily and cruelly dumped right before you left. You were used. But you kind of set yourself up for this. When you let a guy know there will be no relationship, he won't treat you like relationship material. He'll pump and dump. Use you for sex. And not feel bad about exiting when something better comes along. Edited November 12, 2012 by KathyM
coffeebean201 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 This site is great. It usually is a safe place to talk and listen. The romantic guy sounds like he likes you, but he's having trouble with you leaving. So he dumped you first. He might still like you. Sounds like someone to stay in contact with.
I'm nuts Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 My advice would be to keep your legs closed a little while, I wont kill you, believe me. Then once you know who you are and want you want then meet someone who just dont want a quick shag. People are just so disposable these days, so before you start getting emotionally involved and shagging, find out what they really want. Most of the time it will be SFA.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Hi OP. Weird. I had an experience almost exactly like yours! I think what has upset you is that you had no expectations of anything, but he then created the expectations (it sounds like anyway) and then dashed them. It's horrible when people do this. I know I liked a guy but I was literally just wanting sex, so I had no expectations of anything happening. We had sex and he started wanting more from me, and I ended up wanting the same too, in the kinda way that when someone you like likes you it spurs you on, but then he changed his mind. Sometimes people do this to be cruel. Other times they just aren't sure what they want. Honestly I would say to you: * You had a great experience. Remember it for the fun you had. * Let him go and let it be. It's his loss. If someone walks away from you, always let them. If they realise how special you are, they won't leave * If you can like this new guy, you will like another guy again. Just wait to meet him. Best of luck to you
Author smint Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 Sorry,but what is SFA? Thank you all for answers,yes I am still dealing with unexpected leaving of my ex RS of 7 years,and yes I thought that this is going to be mini relationship of a few weeks,short but sweet.Actually at first I didn't want it at all,but he was so romantic and kind to me.It's good feeling to feel wanted... I don't have feeling that I was left for someone else,because I had no emotions for him,I just liked him...I feel like he did it because he wanted to be cruel,to feel good doing this to someone.I am really making mess of my life.
Author smint Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 Hi OP. Weird. I had an experience almost exactly like yours! I think what has upset you is that you had no expectations of anything, but he then created the expectations (it sounds like anyway) and then dashed them. It's horrible when people do this. I know I liked a guy but I was literally just wanting sex, so I had no expectations of anything happening. We had sex and he started wanting more from me, and I ended up wanting the same too, in the kinda way that when someone you like likes you it spurs you on, but then he changed his mind. Sometimes people do this to be cruel. Other times they just aren't sure what they want. Honestly I would say to you: * You had a great experience. Remember it for the fun you had. * Let him go and let it be. It's his loss. If someone walks away from you, always let them. If they realise how special you are, they won't leave * If you can like this new guy, you will like another guy again. Just wait to meet him. Best of luck to you Yes,exactly,I had no expectations that anything is going to happen,at first I didn't want it at all,and he was the one who was chasing me,and telling me how he would like this to be short but sweet,like I am not going anywhere,and who knows one day when I come back!!!And after having sex,just few days before my trip,I got bitter taste in my mouth again...
GLDheart Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Smint, try not to be too hard on yourself. Forget him (the new temporary guy that is). If you enjoyed what you shared, then good for you. It's tough to redefine yourself after a long term relationship. But, most of us sadly have to face it sooner or later. Again, forget your mistakes. If you can learn a little something from them, then great. Just don't dwell on "coulda woulda shouldas" too long.
taya Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Yes,exactly,I had no expectations that anything is going to happen,at first I didn't want it at all,and he was the one who was chasing me,and telling me how he would like this to be short but sweet,like I am not going anywhere,and who knows one day when I come back!!!And after having sex,just few days before my trip,I got bitter taste in my mouth again... yeah all you can do how is let him go you cant do anything eles and you cant force anyone to be with you ..life is crazy when it hits you down you get back up his loss and also do you think you get with these guys to feel like your wanted??? i sence that
Author smint Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 Yes,it is really hard to redefine after long term relationship,especially because he was my first in every way,from teenage to adult life we were growing up together,I learned a lot of things about myself through this BU,I am much better now. But I taught with this new jerk,that it is going to be short affair to remember,something nice started happening to me,I really haven't asked anything from him...But as someone said,he didn't treat me like relationship material,he was nice and sweet until he had what he wanted,and it is not interested anymore to chase me... Next time I should be more careful,I am learning from mistakes,but how many of them I will make???!!!Lol!!!
taya Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Yes,it is really hard to redefine after long term relationship,especially because he was my first in every way,from teenage to adult life we were growing up together,I learned a lot of things about myself through this BU,I am much better now. But I taught with this new jerk,that it is going to be short affair to remember,something nice started happening to me,I really haven't asked anything from him...But as someone said,he didn't treat me like relationship material,he was nice and sweet until he had what he wanted,and it is not interested anymore to chase me... Next time I should be more careful,I am learning from mistakes,but how many of them I will make???!!!Lol!!! tell your self this is the last i know you dont want to go thur this again so next time try chose wisly and when you meet the nexy guy you want to date tell him upfront your looking for a relationship not just a hook up..and dont sleep with him quick go on dates and get to know him
Author smint Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 (edited) Thanks Taya,I am much better today,you are right,I just couldn't understand,it is against moral I was teach,I could never do something like that to someone.For me it is disrespect. Edited November 13, 2012 by smint
I'm nuts Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Actually at first I didn't want it at all,but he was so romantic and kind to me.It's good feeling to feel wanted... This is EXACTLY why you should go slow and not get involved sexually straight away, we can all be Mr Charming and Mr perfect at first, a great feeling, for sure you are right, but are we still going to be sweet and romantic a few months down the line when we start to notice a few personalty traits that start to bug and annoy us, a true relationship and bond takes ages to develop, it is easy to be wooed in, us fellas are masters at it.
Author smint Posted November 13, 2012 Author Posted November 13, 2012 This is EXACTLY why you should go slow and not get involved sexually straight away' date=' we can all be Mr Charming and Mr perfect at first, a great feeling, for sure you are right, but are we still going to be sweet and romantic a few months down the line when we start to notice a few personalty traits that start to bug and annoy us, a true relationship and bond takes ages to develop, it is easy to be wooed in, us fellas are masters at it.[/quote'] Yes I get it,I know what you are talking about,I was in serious RS,we needed almost a year to have sex,and before that one more year just to kiss,thnax I'm nuts!!!I am mad at myself because I let someone trick me like that,last message he wrote was"I am sorry I used your weakness"???I don't know what he wanted to say with that,jerk!!!
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 The thing is, and this is what infuriates me sometimes, we live ONCE and sometimes you just have to live in the now and stop playing games or worrying and think 'If I want to kiss this person, I'll do it' or 'If I want to sleep with them I'll do it'. If men feel they need to butter women up by talking bull****, that is NOT being a charmer, that is being a LIAR. We all know people are on their best behaviour during the honeymoon stage, but people have holiday flings all the time and say that it is what it is, but giving someone the expectation for more, whether it's to get into their pants or to prove you have game is a LIE, and it is NOT a woman's fault if she believes a lie. Or do you want all people to go around acting suspicious and needy and looking down peoples phones to see the truth? OP, I think you just need to take the experience for what it was. Follow your heart and instincts but take your head with you. We can never really know whats going on in someone elses head.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Yes I get it,I know what you are talking about,I was in serious RS,we needed almost a year to have sex,and before that one more year just to kiss,thnax I'm nuts!!!I am mad at myself because I let someone trick me like that,last message he wrote was"I am sorry I used your weakness"???I don't know what he wanted to say with that,jerk!!! Don't be mad on yourself. He is the one who was an idiot. Why people take expressions of love, openness, trust and friendliness as weakness is beyond me. It really is. That's the problem with most people. Everyone's trying to be tough, hard, emotionless, 'non needy', independent, they don't need anyone, so any expression of emotion is 'weakness'. Well I'm sorry it just isn't. You weren't weak for caring and taking a chance. It is a real character flaw in a person to exploit or manipulate another. Sadly, this is why so many women go from girly, open, friendly, trusting to bitter, jaded and man hating. Don't let that be you!
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