It's all my own fault - She won't take me back.

[itsmyfault]

Hello Everybody,

 

I'm posting here because I need to vent my building hurt.

 

I am 20 years old, Three months ago I broke up with my Girlfriend.

When we broke up she was distraught and told me she couldn't believe she was losing her world, that she had planned to spend her whole life with me.

 

3 months ago I was immature and didnt really feel what you'd call emotion. I knew I loved this Girl, but we had hugely different pasts. I when i turned 18 never went out. I wasnt looking for love or anything. Then she came along, an old school friend who had moved away. She had lived a party life and had relationships come to nothing.

 

to cut a long story short we had a whirlwind romance and a perfect 2 years.

I made some new friends early this year, we get on great, I started going out with them, She didnt like it a huge deal, she only mentioned it a few times but i know it was getting to her.

 

In the end one day it got to much for me and i foolishly ended it.

I gave her the space I knew she would need, I always hated myself for hurting her. She was never not loved or cared about.

 

2 months passed and it hit me, I need this girl back in my life, by this time I had grown massively as a person, I have matured and gained more confidence in myself (no involvement with any other girls) I approached her and said id made a terrible mistake, the emotion I hadn't seen in years just started pouring out of me. I tried with desperation to win her back. Alas I was to late, she was seeing another guy, So I'm guessing she had started making tracks with him quite soon.

 

One day back a month ago now we chatted on the phone, she told me she'd love to come back to me but can't. A lot has changed since then but she said it. I am aware I have bought this on myself, I should have seen what I had.

 

I don't know how she moved on so fast, I was her "world" after all.

Its scares me how quickly she has moved on, It's easy for her, she is a beautiful young lady (same age)

 

I now worry I will never move on from her, I long for her to contact me, to want me again. I'm so scared I will never find another person who wants me, I threw away what would have been a great life of stability and love with a beautiful girl with the perfect heart.

 

Please help me

[Cloaky]

I now worry I will never move on from her, I long for her to contact me, to want me again. I'm so scared I will never find another person who wants me, I threw away what would have been a great life of stability and love with a beautiful girl with the perfect heart.

 

Please help me

 

I'm going to give my honest opinion. I don't believe in rekindling old relationships that end badly. Individuals may forgive, but they'll never truly forget. I think you don't need her, I think you just need someone. You fear no one will want you? Trust me, there is someone out there for everyone. It sounds like you have issues with confidence. If that's the case, work on improving your self-confidence... and problem solved.

[itsmyfault]

Hi Cloaky,

 

Thanks for your response. I'm not 100% confident in myself no, But I have no problem approaching girls and having a conversation, meeting people has never been an issue for me, It's finding someone who is interested in me.

 

I forgot to say she was the first girl who ever really showed interest in me, When I was younger I never chased anyone.

 

I know that I want to be with her because any other girls I chat to and get on with, I can never see myself "wanting" them.

[rn0408]

That happens naturally, I cut off a girl after 3 due to some serious drama she was trying to get me involved in (two employees that I know) and I cut her off...Trust me anynone would of done it.

 

I told her a few weeks ago it hit me and I was sorry for hurting her but I had to cut her off because it was some serious drama and I was nervous for something blowing up and havin me involved. I told her I'd give her a second chance if she wanted to get back because the situation didn't blow up...she said no and didn't want to be friends either. We ended up being real civil and professional over the phone. I made sure to tell her she was smart and a good person and we went our separate ways.

 

 

Two months later, I was studying with a girl at a coffee shop and saw her...she wasn't too happy when she saw that I really didn't care and we got our work down studying. She left us alone professionally but her face was as red as a cooked lobster. The girl I study with is the most attractive girl in the classroom.

[VeveCakes]

So you dumped her and had your free time, now you want her back and expect her to have just been waiting for you the whole time?

 

Of course she is going to move on. If she is a pretty and cool Vick she won't be single for long. Hope you learn not to throw things away so easily in the future.

[itsmyfault]

So you dumped her and had your free time, now you want her back and expect her to have just been waiting for you the whole time?

 

Of course she is going to move on. If she is a pretty and cool Vick she won't be single for long. Hope you learn not to throw things away so easily in the future.

 

I know that's how its is, and I know it sounds awful, I didn't expect her to have waited around, I had just hoped that she might still feel something for me and we could give it another go.

 

Your last point is important, I have learned that now. I have said to myself that I'm not going to be so stupid in the future.

 

I know she deserves to be happy, I want that for her, I just didn't think it possible to have moved on so much in such a short time.

[rn0408]

I know that's how its is, and I know it sounds awful, I didn't expect her to have waited around, I had just hoped that she might still feel something for me and we could give it another go.

 

Your last point is important, I have learned that now. I have said to myself that I'm not going to be so stupid in the future.

 

I know she deserves to be happy, I want that for her, I just didn't think it possible to have moved on so much in such a short time.

 

I think it was a good move on your part to get rid of her. You are still figuring yourself out. Women are irrational in making decisions, or overreacting over things. I'm not trying to sound sexist, but any guy will not argue that.

 

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

[itsmyfault]

I think it was a good move on your part to get rid of her. You are still figuring yourself out. Women are irrational in making decisions, or overreacting over things. I'm not trying to sound sexist, but any guy will not argue that.

 

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

 

Thanks for your response, Its nice to meet someone like-minded, When we talked she was being very mis-leading originally, saying stuff like she doesnt think her and the new guy will last, Oh and not to mention that she said she thinks its a good thing I will still want her for months to come, And no she wasnt saying it like a nasty dig, more of a thats nice to know.

 

I don't blame her for being like this with me, I am fully aware I broke her heart.

 

She says she is happy to meet me over xmas, However I don't know if its actually a good idea, I want to go in the hope she will see me again and realise she still wants me, but if i go there and see her and she feels nothing, im just opening wounds again.

[rn0408]

Thanks for your response, Its nice to meet someone like-minded, When we talked she was being very mis-leading originally, saying stuff like she doesnt think her and the new guy will last, Oh and not to mention that she said she thinks its a good thing I will still want her for months to come, And no she wasnt saying it like a nasty dig, more of a thats nice to know.

 

I don't blame her for being like this with me, I am fully aware I broke her heart.

 

She says she is happy to meet me over xmas, However I don't know if its actually a good idea, I want to go in the hope she will see me again and realise she still wants me, but if i go there and see her and she feels nothing, im just opening wounds again.

 

I wouldn't waste my time. Your're already having fun without her lol. When girls start drama, or show red flags..it causes guys to be in RED ALERT (my term). When you are in RED ALERT..never consider her dating material, cut ties, and end it. Women are the most dangerous species on this planet..remember that.

 

Think about this..if she's getting rid of this guy and telling you..she would do the same to you. Sounds like she is not marriage material.

 

I don't know if my posts are getting deleted, but check my previous posts..A girl got me to cut ties and I almost considered a second chance with her if she wanted to get back together..luckily she didn't and I saved probably an extra few weeks of less stress before we would of broken up again.

 

Once you are in RED ALERT..Dive that Submarine into the deepest waters and don't ever be seen again by her.

[rn0408]

Even girls you break up with or break up with you act irrational. When they see you with somebody else and you even walked out on great terms, they can't handle it you are doing better than them, or you found somebody else.

 

Women can't take it.

[itsmyfault]

Maybe its just me feeling awful, but i feel like It would be different.

 

She wasnt a bad person. Are you saying what you are because she moved onto someone else so fast?

 

I had fun when i was with her as well, Im having more fun now because I have to keep my mind of her, but I always had plenty of fun with her.

 

I have no idea why she is with this guy, he was a friend before and he was there for her when i ended it.

 

I said to her the other day, you have someone to look after and care for you now, so it doesn't matter if im not around, to which she replied, "i dont need someone to look after me, I dont want that"

 

Its all so confusing, I made a mistake, and she seems to have forgotten she ever loved me oh so easily.

 

I did her a favour last week, it really helped her out. now it seems she has just vanished again.

[rn0408]

Maybe its just me feeling awful, but i feel like It would be different.

 

She wasnt a bad person. Are you saying what you are because she moved onto someone else so fast?

 

I had fun when i was with her as well, Im having more fun now because I have to keep my mind of her, but I always had plenty of fun with her.

 

I have no idea why she is with this guy, he was a friend before and he was there for her when i ended it.

 

I said to her the other day, you have someone to look after and care for you now, so it doesn't matter if im not around, to which she replied, "i dont need someone to look after me, I dont want that"

 

Its all so confusing, I made a mistake, and she seems to have forgotten she ever loved me oh so easily.

 

I did her a favour last week, it really helped her out. now it seems she has just vanished again.

 

Sounds like she had low interest rate and then immediately was attracted to this guy from a high interest rate, or in rebound.

 

Don't waste your time..follow stats and realize there are billions of females out there.

[itsmyfault]

I'm going completely NC, I know she doesn't want me to move on. She has told me. She said it will break her heart if I find someone else...

 

She doesn't make sense to me, However it was a month ago she said that. I don't like games so it gives me the motivation to leave her be and should she regret this decision which she has said she thinks she will. its her choice.

[Javabear]

Hello,

 

First off, thanks for your reply to my thread. I feel compelled to offer you whatever advice I can since I am currently in the position that your ex-girlfriend is in. Perhaps if I can give you some insight into her point of view that might help you understand what's going on.

 

When my boyfriend broke up with me for someone else, I felt like my world was over. In that instant I vowed to never let such a horrible thing happen to my heart ever again. Girls build up walls around their hearts to prevent future pain. Sometimes we try to cope with this pain by finding another person who makes us feel special (which might be why she got together with this other guy so soon). She was probably feeling worthless when you left her and she needed to validate her existence.

 

I promise you that she has not forgotten you. If you were together for two years there is no way a couple of months could erase any and all feeling she has towards you. It has been two months since the man I loved for three years left me and as much as I try to convince myself I've lost all feeling for someone who treated me the way he did, I haven't. However, I have tried to suppress it because knowing that I still love him makes my heart hurt.

 

The best advice I can give to you, and the advice I would give to my ex if he ever walked back into my life, would be that actions speak louder than words. If you truly love her, if you think that she's the only girl in the world for you, don't just tell her... show her. But tread lightly because, like I said, she's built up walls around her heart to prevent it from being broken again. Take it slow.

 

I believe that people are allowed to make mistakes and should be given a second chance (as long as the relationship was healthy, of course). If you made a mistake because you were immature, young and dumb (like my ex) then I would hope that she'd realize that and give you the opportunity to prove yourself.

 

For now, just work on showing her that you are a new and improved version of the old you. Don't pester her too much if she really is telling you to stay away, but if you're given the opportunity to see her again, show her that you have changed. Don't beg, don't plead.... just be confident in yourself.

 

And, if she truly is over you and doesn't want to be with you anymore, you can rest easy knowing that you've transformed yourself into a much more sensitive and wonderful person and there will be plenty of other girls who will recognize that. You might think of this breakup as a bad thing right now, but would you be who you are today if you hadn't gone through it?

 

Best of luck to you.

[KatZee]

I think it was a good move on your part to get rid of her. You are still figuring yourself out. Women are irrational in making decisions, or overreacting over things. I'm not trying to sound sexist, but any guy will not argue that.

 

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

 

The only one that dodged a bullet is his ex girlfriend.

 

Are you kidding me with this statement? OP is immature, wanted to sow his oats (fine) but then months later just wants her back and expects her to be sitting in the same place waiting with open arms/

 

She didn't act irrational or overly emotional, she was damn smart. He dumped her, she went on with her life, and she refused to go back to be subjected to the same thing again in the future.

 

My ex pulled this garbage with me and I stupidly gave him another chance, he did it to me AGAIN.

 

This hot and cold game really isn't cute. KUDOS for your ex girlfriend for knowing what she needs and deserves from a partner. She's more mature and rational than most 18 year old's out there.

 

You can't dish out wishy/washy behavior and not expect some sort of wishy/washness back. Maybe she was torn on what to do, at the end of the day she did what was right for her.

[itsmyfault]

I never Expected her to be there waiting. Im proud of her for doing what she wanted, and staying strong.

 

We never had a bad relationship, in fact we had a near perfect one, we did everything for each other. Shared everything with each other.

 

I couldnt help i got hit with GIGS. Its not something you want to happen. its nature.

 

Just because your ex dumped you again, Doesnt't mean i'd have done the same.

[Kristinch1]

Darling, you are only twenty years old with not a lot of life history and experience. Trust me this is for the best. It sounds like she was already to settle down at 20. Your early 20's are suppose to be that time in your life to go out and meet people, have fun, have experiences, learn, grow, fail at relationships, etc. you don't want to wake up one day at 35 and find yourself married to your first girlfriend and regretting you didn't have other girlfriends and relationships. You may get back together one day but get back together later. Play the field. Date. This is what your supposed to do at 20.

[itsmyfault]

Darling, you are only twenty years old with not a lot of life history and experience. Trust me this is for the best. It sounds like she was already to settle down at 20. Your early 20's are suppose to be that time in your life to go out and meet people, have fun, have experiences, learn, grow, fail at relationships, etc. you don't want to wake up one day at 35 and find yourself married to your first girlfriend and regretting you didn't have other girlfriends and relationships. You may get back together one day but get back together later. Play the field. Date. This is what your supposed to do at 20.

 

Thanks for your advise. Its probably the best i've had.

[fetish1980]

Truth is, one can have GIGs at any age. But the fact of the matter is, you are very young and need to live a little before settling down.

 

It's very true that when you let someone go, you better be sure you're ready to let them go. But don't spend your life regretting that decision. Realize that you can't go back and change the past. You made the best decision for yourself with the best knowledge you had at the time.

 

Some people on here are being a little too harsh and judge-mental. If he had cheated on her, then people would be saying he should've broken up with her. Either way, her heart would've been broken anyway. That's life.

 

Life is supposed to be about finding yourself first and your purpose. Finding a mate is important, but deciding on a partner, you need to grow up first. Don't beat yourself up and just keep pressing forward. If she is supposed to be in your life, you guys will automatically find your way back to eachother.

 

That's the best advice I could give. Hope this helps.

[itsmyfault]

Truth is, one can have GIGs at any age. But the fact of the matter is, you are very young and need to live a little before settling down.

 

It's very true that when you let someone go, you better be sure you're ready to let them go. But don't spend your life regretting that decision. Realize that you can't go back and change the past. You made the best decision for yourself with the best knowledge you had at the time.

 

Some people on here are being a little too harsh and judge-mental. If he had cheated on her, then people would be saying he should've broken up with her. Either way, her heart would've been broken anyway. That's life.

 

Life is supposed to be about finding yourself first and your purpose. Finding a mate is important, but deciding on a partner, you need to grow up first. Don't beat yourself up and just keep pressing forward. If she is supposed to be in your life, you guys will automatically find your way back to eachother.

 

That's the best advice I could give. Hope this helps.

 

Again thanks for your advise...

 

I have said it before, But some people on here seem very scared fro previous experience. I'd have preferred she had broken it off with me. Im very emotionally strong. But hurting her hurt me a lot.

 

Thanks again, Since I posted this thread ive made quite a lot of progress, it no longer feels like its hanging over me. I've told her we can not be friends and she should keep doing what makes her happy as that what im doing.

 

Its left open and on good terms, Who knows what the future holds. But i cant wait to find out!

[LostOne1]

Reminds me of my ex. She left me, but I sit here feeling like I could've done more for her. I forgot how to love at some point and maybe, because I started to hate or not love my ownself.

 

I think that's the part that hurts me the most. I lost my ex, because I lost my own self. And by the time I felt I was slowly finding myself again... I had lost her.

 

Now I feel like I lost her and myself.

 

As for you saying it would be easier if she left you. Trust me doesn't matter which way it is... it's going to hurt the same each way. If she left you over time you would hurt to. And like you say you love her, then you'd have chased wanting her back. I know.. because I chased my ex, and it go me no where. To be honest I probably had a 10% chance of winning her back if I left her alone.

 

I chased and it left me with 1% and as of a few weeks ago 0%. But all I can do is look at the future and know someone else at some point will come into my life. I just hope that I have learned from my mistakes and can love the next person better and be a better partner.