jjm Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Hello everyone! Background: I had been dating my girlfriend for almost 3 years when i began to develop a case of "grass is greener syndrome". I broke up with her a couple of weeks ago, and it has by far been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She was my first girlfriend and my first love. It was a very developed, adult relationship with all ends leading to marriage. However, about 4 months ago, I started to feel as though I was missing out on something better, and I began realizing that I wasn't being the boyfriend that i used to be for her when she needed me. I wasn't comforting her when she needed comforting. Whenever she wanted to sit down and make plans about our future, I was distant and couldn't give her definite answers. I began to turn all of her concerns around to make her feel like she was the bad guy for bringing them up. I knew that i couldn't continue to treat her this way and needed to end things before they grew worse. Today: Since the breakup, each day has gotten easier and easier for me. I still love her very much, but I am also very much enjoying my freedom of being single. I feel like i've made the right decision and have already booked a European backpacking trip for next summer when i graduate. I am very slowly going back to being single. However, we both attend college in a very small town (less than 20,000 ppl) and it is almost impossible not to see her throughout the day. My Problem: Against my will, we see each other in the halls of our college building almost every day and I stop to talk/comfort her as best i can. We also still text. I still love her very much and it feels normal to text/talk with her on a daily basis. I am just worried that by doing so, that she will hold on to me longer than what is healthy. Ideally, I would love to end up with her in the end. I still love her unconditionally, but i need to get these feelings out of my system before i can be 100% committed to a relationship. After I get these feelings out of my system, I would love it if we could go back to how we were during the first couple of years in our relationship. But I think it would be unfair to her if i led her on. What if I decide that she isn't the one for me after all? Is it fair for me to keep talking to her (if not forced) during this break? I have brought all of these concerns up with her, and she has assured me that she is completely okay with waiting for me to figure myself out. Is this just her clinging onto anything she can? Is she being rational? She says she is 100% okay with still talking to me during this. Is the no-contact rule the best thing to do? Please let me know all of your thoughts. Please don't be afraid to be honest. I want to know what to do about this situation. If i need to man up and cut ties with her completely, then for her sake, i will. Thanks everyone!
puzzled1 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Do you really think she will be okay when she sees you making out with someone else. Do you think she will be okay when she sees you going to the movies/holding hands/doing new things with someone else? She is content with being in a relationship with you and doesn't realize how bad this is gonna hurt when all of the above happens. I am just talking from my experience. Instead of being the dumper, I was the dumpee and she had the GIGS. In the beginning I said we will still be friends, we can still talk all the time, we can have dinner. But at the end, I realized I have enough self respect to not do that. NC is the best way for her, if you dont want to do it suddenly, then do LC then go no contact.
itsmyfault Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Hey OP, I had Grass is greener syndrome too, From my experience, the grass wasn't green at all. If you truly love this girl and want a future with her, don't let her go, If you love her Long-distance can work if you want it to. I did long distance for 2 years, I don't regret it one little bit. All im saying is, If you actually want a future with her and she still wants to be with you, jump on it. If not let her heal, give her space. I know that works. I gave my ex space and now she doesnt want me back. From what ive read, I think you may regret throwing away what you had.
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