jb789 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I've been seeing this guy for over a month.. He told me he didn't want a relationship period with anyone. We are still hooking up and he agreed to be exclusive and not sleep with anyone else. Why would a guy not wanting a relationship agree to this? To me it makes absolutely no sense!
charlietheginger Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Make you his f buddy.... He gets the poosie and dont have to commit 4
Author jb789 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 I was in a relationship like that once before. The guy didn't want to date at all, just have fun. But he would have NEVER agreed to be exclusive. Not wanting to date, to me says I don't want to commit and I want to see multiple girls. Agreeing to be exclusive is commitment in a sense and stops him from hooking up with other girls. Maybe I'm over thinking it but I don't understaned why anyone would agree to it when they say they absolutely don't want to date!
TaurusTerp Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I've been seeing this guy for over a month.. He told me he didn't want a relationship period with anyone. We are still hooking up and he agreed to be exclusive and not sleep with anyone else. Why would a guy not wanting a relationship agree to this? To me it makes absolutely no sense! A relationship brings with it drama almost 100% of the time...if there's no commitment there's (theoretically) no reason for you to ever expect something - a gift, a gesture, meeting parents, etc.
Goldenbrwn Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I was in a relationship like that once before. The guy didn't want to date at all, just have fun. But he would have NEVER agreed to be exclusive. Not wanting to date, to me says I don't want to commit and I want to see multiple girls. Agreeing to be exclusive is commitment in a sense and stops him from hooking up with other girls. Maybe I'm over thinking it but I don't understaned why anyone would agree to it when they say they absolutely don't want to date! A guys sex drive can drive him crazy sometimes. He might just want someone for sex and have no interest in chasing other women once he is sexually satisfied. Then he is free to enjoy his life without the pressure his sex drive puts on him to go find and impress a woman to get regular access to sex. Just he doesn't want to have to do all the relationship stuff that many women expect of their man that is a pain in the ass. 4
mammasita Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 A relationship brings with it drama almost 100% of the time...if there's no commitment there's (theoretically) no reason for you to ever expect something - a gift, a gesture, meeting parents, etc. Exactly this. He has the benefit of guaranteed sex and companionship without the expectation of anything more and unfortunately you're enabling. 3
Pyro Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I've been seeing this guy for over a month.. He told me he didn't want a relationship period with anyone. We are still hooking up and he agreed to be exclusive and not sleep with anyone else. Why would a guy not wanting a relationship agree to this? To me it makes absolutely no sense! He may have agreed to it but that doesn't mean that he will stick to it. Most likely he only agreed to shut you up about it so he can continue to get the only thing that he wants from you. 1
CptObvious Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 C'mon girl don't be so selfish. He's out there spending whatever free time he has on the things he enjoys. You get 30 minutes, which is a fair deal. Take it.
mammasita Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 C'mon girl don't be so selfish. He's out there spending whatever free time he has on the things he enjoys. You get 30 minutes, which is a fair deal. Take it. Maybe it's only 3 minutes. 4
DC4 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I really struggle with this exclusive thing. I am totally into one of the guys I am seeing. I would drop the other one in a heartbeat of guy #1 wanted it to be just him and me. He is the one who unleashed the "keep it casual" line on me, so that's what I'm trying to do. Seeing guy #2 keeps me from getting too emotionally involved with the guy I really like. The thing is this-exclusive doesn't mean "drop everything because now you have this serious girlfriend who puts demands on you." To me it just means "I like you and I don't want to or feel the need to see other people at this time."
Revolver Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 When a man says "I don't want a relationship right now" he means the women in question, he gladly get into an exclusive relationship with a woman he really likes. It's one of the reasons why a guy can be one the fence with one girl, them 2 weeks later he's exclusive with another 6
verhrzn Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I think this is kind of a Karma Houdini act. He swears to be exclusive.... but it means that if he ISN'T, he doesn't have to feel bad about it, because he was never committed to you. He could twist it around to mean that he was exclusive right then, but is not making a promise to be exclusive in the future (otherwise he'd just date you seriously.) It's just another form of trapping you, sorry to say. This is exactly how my last relationship got started.... he pushed really hard to have sex without condoms by swearing he was "exclusive" with me (but we weren't dating), only for me to discover months later (when we were dating) that he'd been sleeping with someone else during that time. Until a guy agrees to be in a committed relationship.... do not assume you are in a committed relationship (meaning, don't assume just because he says he's exclusive it means he is.) 3
Crila16 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 He's getting everything he wants from you sexually. It's not that he doesn't want a relationship, he just doesn't want a relationship with you...but he'll boink you, if you're willing. The reason he's still with you exclusively having sex, is so he can get off and there's no special girl that he's in love with to be with her instead, so why not. Once he meets a girl he's crazy about, then all of a sudden he'll want a serious relationship and you'll be history. He won't need to anymore to get off. He'll have a girl he's in love with and sleeping with. Have some respect for yourself. Tell this guy that you want all or he'll get nothing. He's getting everything he wants and needs for now, and you're not. The guy isn't in love with you. Ditch him and stop letting him use you. You're 100% going to get your heart broken, once he finds someone he's in love with. You need to find a guy that cherishes you and will want it all from you...love, commitment and sex.
Negative Nancy Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 When a man says "I don't want a relationship right now" he means the women in question, he gladly get into an exclusive relationship with a woman he really likes. It's one of the reasons why a guy can be one the fence with one girl, them 2 weeks later he's exclusive with another quoted for telling it like it is. 1
Author jb789 Posted November 12, 2012 Author Posted November 12, 2012 He's getting everything he wants from you sexually. It's not that he doesn't want a relationship, he just doesn't want a relationship with you...but he'll boink you, if you're willing. The reason he's still with you exclusively having sex, is so he can get off and there's no special girl that he's in love with to be with her instead, so why not. Once he meets a girl he's crazy about, then all of a sudden he'll want a serious relationship and you'll be history. He won't need to anymore to get off. He'll have a girl he's in love with and sleeping with. Have some respect for yourself. Tell this guy that you want all or he'll get nothing. He's getting everything he wants and needs for now, and you're not. The guy isn't in love with you. Ditch him and stop letting him use you. You're 100% going to get your heart broken, once he finds someone he's in love with. You need to find a guy that cherishes you and will want it all from you...love, commitment and sex. I appreciate the concern but I do have respect for myself. I know 100% I don't want a relationship really means not one with you.. I am not doing this to try to win him over.. I'm doing this because ideally we are exclusive and I don't have to put my own health at risk by sleeping around around to get a little sex.. I am using him and I don't think he likes it because I only contact him for sex. Initially I wanted the relationship, now I don't feel anything towards him so I am not risking my heart, just having fun.. I was just curious why a guy so against a relationship would commit to being exclusive.. If I was him I would have said no to the idea so to mean it doesn't make sense.
Crila16 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I don't know. I've heard women say they're just using a man for sex, but they ALWAYS get attached. Women are just emotional creatures. Men are capable, but I don't believe it's possible for a woman. I don't care what woman says that she's only using a guy. I will never buy it for a minute. If you're posting, you care. That's all I can say. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't spend one minute thinking about it. You better be careful. He's exclusively having sex, because he's not in love with anyone...and you're a sure thing. Why go somewhere else? You're obviously fulfilling him sexually...you just don't fulfill his other needs. I'm not trying to be mean, just truthful. I think you should stop wasting your time and forget this tool. You've only known him for 1 month...and I agree with the poster that said "How do you know he's exclusive?" Men lie.
charlietheginger Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Translates I aint buying you anything you will never meet my friends or family You might get food if i have extra pizza inthe Fridge. Now bend over and let me stuff my yen in Your yang... 3
NoMoreJerks Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I appreciate the concern but I do have respect for myself. I know 100% I don't want a relationship really means not one with you.. I am not doing this to try to win him over.. I'm doing this because ideally we are exclusive and I don't have to put my own health at risk by sleeping around around to get a little sex.. I am using him and I don't think he likes it because I only contact him for sex. Initially I wanted the relationship, now I don't feel anything towards him so I am not risking my heart, just having fun.. I was just curious why a guy so against a relationship would commit to being exclusive.. If I was him I would have said no to the idea so to mean it doesn't make sense. My "ex" did this -- he wanted the sex, but not any of the rest of the stuff that comes bundled up with a relationship. He wanted the companionship and the sex, but didn't want to give anything in return. It was all about him not feeling lonely (until of course another girl would come along, I guess) and getting the bonus of sex. He was lazy and didn't even want to call me when he was away (in his country). So basically, he wanted me to hang out with him when he was in my city, and to be exclusive with him -- all so that he wouldn't have to be by himself when he came to my city for work. He was selfish enough to expect that I be exclusive with him, even though I told him I wanted a relationship , not a FWB. He kept telling me, "but I told you, I will not be seeing other women, I will be exclusive with you." He did not seem to be getting the point (or pretended not to) -- that as long as I was with him, I wouldn't be able to find another man who WAS interested in a relationship with me. I am pretty sure he was exclusive in the sense of not trying to find a gf. But probably not in the sense of not sleeping with other women -- he did go to Thailand and hang out with prostitutes in bars, after all...
charlietheginger Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 My "ex" did this -- he wanted the sex, but not any of the rest of the stuff that comes bundled up with a relationship. He wanted the companionship and the sex, but didn't want to give anything in return. It was all about him not feeling lonely (until of course another girl would come along, I guess) and getting the bonus of sex. He was lazy and didn't even want to call me when he was away (in his country). So basically, he wanted me to hang out with him when he was in my city, and to be exclusive with him -- all so that he wouldn't have to be by himself when he came to my city for work. He was selfish enough to expect that I be exclusive with him, even though I told him I wanted a relationship , not a FWB. He kept telling me, "but I told you, I will not be seeing other women, I will be exclusive with you." He did not seem to be getting the point (or pretended not to) -- that as long as I was with him, I wouldn't be able to find another man who WAS interested in a relationship with me. I am pretty sure he was exclusive in the sense of not trying to find a gf. But probably not in the sense of not sleeping with other women -- he did go to Thailand and hang out with prostitutes in bars, after all... Yes exclusive could mean he really is ****ing only You... Reason is he is to lazy to do boyfriend stuff So chances are he is to lazy to scoundrel other Women... You need to learn pussycontrol Make a man earn your pussy Dont just give it away... end this relationship start over Find a guy make him wait 3 dates Min then put out at the 2month get Him to agree boyfriend girlfriend By 6months better be serious... Girls who get into these exclusive ltr with No commintment gave away all the poosie Now the guy could careless I got news for you he will stay with
Taramere Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I am using him and I don't think he likes it because I only contact him for sex. Initially I wanted the relationship, now I don't feel anything towards him so I am not risking my heart, just having fun.. It just sounds like a bit of a power game...or a game of "who cares less in this non relationship?" If you're right, and he dislikes the fact that you only contact him for sex, then that's taking it to a more hostile level. If it goes to that hostile level and you're kidding yourself about your lack of feelings in all of this, then you will almost certainly get very badly burned....and you will suffer the indignity of looking in the mirror and having to admit that you lied to yourself. You have nothing to prove to any of us, but just make sure you're being absolutely honest with yourself in this situation.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Honestly a lot of people just don't have a clue what they want. The last situation I was in where it was "let's have fun and be casual, no strings, nothing serious"..... A year later we got married, him in large-part pursuit.... But I've noticed a weird thing about NSA guys overall, they like it when they pursue, but if you call them up to get yours a couple times in a row it's almost like "you slut, you're using me." Weird. 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 Some of these responses are weirdly harsh Why are some of you guys getting so up in arms about this? OP is asking a question and all she's getting is 'shut your legs', 'respect yourself', 'you're an idiot'. I would also really like to bust the myth that sex is always emotional for women. It's not. I think it usually is, but it isn't always. You don't have to believe me, but I have had sex with a guy with 0 emotional involvement several times in the past. I had my reasons for doing so (he was great in the sack and I was very horny) but I didn't miss him when he wasn't there, I didn't want him to call me and I didn't fall in love with him. If women care BEFORE the sex, sex will make them care more. If they DON'T care before the sex, the sex won't make them care. The difference is, MOST women have sex with men who they DO care about rather than men they don't. If you want sex without feeling, you literally just have to have sex with a guy who you find sexually attractive but do not care about. If you DO care for him, the sex will intensify that. 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 - when a guy REALLY seriously likes you - when he thinks about you often - when he loves being around you and adores you for who you are, and is ALSO sexually attracted to you - he is compelled to take time out of his day, regardless of how busy, to at least text you or talk to you. - he calls and/or texts regularly and does not go days without contacting you somehow, no matter HOW busy he is; does not have to be every day, but should be regular and should be followed up with a real life date. - when he likes you enough to want to spend as much time as possible with him -he does not let a hectic work schedule hinder him from spending ANY time with you (if they like you THEY MAKE TIME, even the two hours they get free on a Sunday) - spending time with you is as important as the time he delegates to his good friends and family
Pyro Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 - when a guy REALLY seriously likes you - when he thinks about you often - when he loves being around you and adores you for who you are, and is ALSO sexually attracted to you - he is compelled to take time out of his day, regardless of how busy, to at least text you or talk to you. - he calls and/or texts regularly and does not go days without contacting you somehow, no matter HOW busy he is; does not have to be every day, but should be regular and should be followed up with a real life date. - when he likes you enough to want to spend as much time as possible with him -he does not let a hectic work schedule hinder him from spending ANY time with you (if they like you THEY MAKE TIME, even the two hours they get free on a Sunday) - spending time with you is as important as the time he delegates to his good friends and family You are correct. A guy truly interested will find time in his schedule.
zanesfan Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Although I would love to tell you different, I have to agree with everyone else. I was in your same shoes up until a few weeks ago, so I know firsthand that this is all game. Some guys will tell you anything to sleep with you, if they dont they risk the chance of not getting what the ultimately want. My suggestion is go with your gut instincts... Im sure it's sending smoke signals right now. My "lover" told me the same thing. Said that he didnt want to be in a relationship, he wasnt going to see anyone else, stated he wanted me to be exclusive to him and only him. And you know what happened? I never went out on a date in the 10 months I knew him, never received a gift, never met his mom or daughter, he knew nothing about me, he was sleeping with other women, took a few out on dates, and he didnt care about me as a person now in retrospect. Dont be so caught up in words, look at his actions. I promise you if you continue with this man, you will regret it.
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