LiveLoveLife Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 If your partner told you that they loved you very much and gave you permission to pursue romantic or sexual relationships outside of your primary relationship while they would refrain from seeking affection from others would you accept their invitation? Lets assume that your partner is not insecure but rather has a more liberal worldview.
Anela Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 If your partner told you that they loved you very much and gave you permission to pursue romantic or sexual relationships outside of your primary relationship while they would refrain from seeking affection from others would you accept their invitation? Lets assume that your partner is not insecure but rather has a more liberal worldview. Do you want to do it? Was this suggested to you? Or are you thinking of suggesting this to your partner?
sweetjasmine Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I'd decline. It would take away from what I have with my H. 2
Pyro Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I'd decline. What is the point of a relationship then if you aren't going to remain monogamous..... 2
ThaWholigan Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 What would be the point of a relationship. We might as well be FWB. There would have to be a serious extenuating circumstance for me to consider. 1
suladas Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Not a chance. That's a huge part of the relationship to me.
jb789 Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I'd pass.. When I commit, I don't think of others just like I would expect them to do the same!
carhill Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Interesting scenario. Haven't run into that in life. Polyamory doesn't interest me so I'd thank them for their liberal and progressive perspective and continue on as before.
BetrayedLady Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 If your partner told you that they loved you very much and gave you permission to pursue romantic or sexual relationships outside of your primary relationship while they would refrain from seeking affection from others would you accept their invitation? Lets assume that your partner is not insecure but rather has a more liberal worldview.I think I would accept it. I'm beginning to now believe it's naturally to want to be with others of the opposite sex but it's just how society makes it. Been cheated on once and to make matters worse, I had to actually walk into while it was happening. Now though I'm in a new relationship, I have this flirting urge to be with other men. I will not cheat but see that urge is always there. Maybe that's how it started with my ex but only difference I'm not gonna let it proceed that far. Now if my bf were to suddenly allow me, then nothing bad about it.
CptObvious Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 1. It's a trap 2. She'll go insane in a week or two
threebyfate Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 while they would refrain from seeking affection from othersWhy would I value someone who doesn't value themselves? Another pass for stupidity, including and especially a valueless partner. 2
domple Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 If your partner told you that they loved you very much and gave you permission to pursue romantic or sexual relationships outside of your primary relationship while they would refrain from seeking affection from others would you accept their invitation? Lets assume that your partner is not insecure but rather has a more liberal worldview. I do not know if this counts but earlier this year I dated a girl with PTSD. I didnt know much about it going in and after a couple of months she snapped because I got to her emotional core and coule not handle a real relationship. She said that she wanted to be with me but could not give everythign I wanted which included sex so she said it would be ok as long as she never found out. I declined and was shocked at her suggestion. We are not togther anymore but I stand by my ground
ascendotum Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 In the early years of the relationship, I likely wouldn't, but if the relationship had settled into a mundane relationship down the track (the lust had faded to devotion and we basically get caught up in the day to day stresses of life and she is less affectionate), I probably would take up the offer. I would not go out of my way to hit the clubs/pubs or start hitting on women, but if something enticing crossed my path... I see most are saying no way, but if you have been married for a number of years, had a mortgage, kids, stressful careers, stressed over keeping up with the jonses, etc. lots of people would welcome a little spice in their life, but wont want to admit to it.
xxoo Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I see most are saying no way, but if you have been married for a number of years, had a mortgage, kids, stressful careers, stressed over keeping up with the jonses, etc. lots of people would welcome a little spice in their life, but wont want to admit to it. I've been married two decades. Still, no, thanks. It takes a little more creativity, but we manage our own spice right here. 2
xpaperxcutx Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 In the early years of the relationship, I likely wouldn't, but if the relationship had settled into a mundane relationship down the track (the lust had faded to devotion and we basically get caught up in the day to day stresses of life and she is less affectionate), I probably would take up the offer. I would not go out of my way to hit the clubs/pubs or start hitting on women, but if something enticing crossed my path... I see most are saying no way, but if you have been married for a number of years, had a mortgage, kids, stressful careers, stressed over keeping up with the jonses, etc. lots of people would welcome a little spice in their life, but wont want to admit to it. That's called sex therapy. If you value your marriage you wouldn't take sleeping with another person s an easy way out. You would first work on your marriage first. I used to think it wad okay for my boyfriend to break up with me and look for another girlfriend but I had low self esteem issues as well. I love my bpyfriend very much and he has told me repeatedly he refuses to be with anyone but me. He wouldn't even consider cheating.
KathyM Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I would have no respect for a husband who suggested we go outside the marriage to add spice. I consider sex to be more than just a physical act. It is a physical and emotional bond--something special that we share only with each other. To trivialize it by doing it with others would take away from the bond that we share. I think just about all couples--married and otherwise, don't want to share their SO with somebody else. It cheapens their relationship, IMO, if others are brought into it. There are plenty of ways to add spice to your relationship other than seeking sex with outsiders. 2
mysteryscape Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I think I would accept it. I'm beginning to now believe it's naturally to want to be with others of the opposite sex but it's just how society makes it. Been cheated on once and to make matters worse, I had to actually walk into while it was happening. Now though I'm in a new relationship, I have this flirting urge to be with other men. I will not cheat but see that urge is always there. Maybe that's how it started with my ex but only difference I'm not gonna let it proceed that far. Now if my bf were to suddenly allow me, then nothing bad about it. Did you have this "flirting urge" before you were cheated on or did it start afterward? Do you think it is a result of being cheated on?
veggirl Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 I would never agree to that. I would be really upset that my man even offered it, and I would assume he only was because HE wanted to do that. I'd be really depressed that he could envision sharing me like that.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 I would like to be able to do it, but I wouldn't want my partner to do it (well....I WOULD but I am quite jealous ) THEREFORE I most likely WOULD decline.
Eve Posted November 13, 2012 Posted November 13, 2012 If your partner told you that they loved you very much and gave you permission to pursue romantic or sexual relationships outside of your primary relationship while they would refrain from seeking affection from others would you accept their invitation? Lets assume that your partner is not insecure but rather has a more liberal worldview. My Hubby woud have to be very ill/terminal to say something like that. Even then, no. Especially then. Take care, Eve x
MissBee Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 1. It's a trap 2. She'll go insane in a week or two Funnily, I thought that as well. I am open to the idea of giving a "free pass" in a LTR like a marriage for example. It makes sense to me, in that I do believe you can love your spouse but over a long period want to be with another, while still making your relationship primary....perhaps that is a swinger's lifestyle though? In any case I am not sure if I could truly go through with it, I do think I might be one to say sure and then go insane in a week or two . I feel like it's a huge decision that you may not be able to anticipate how it affects you. A woman I know was saying that she planned a 3some for her husband's birthday with a woman she knew. She had no reservations and was excited, yet when her husband was having sex with the other woman she got very upset and then afterwards became insecure and paranoid. For her, that free pass opened the door to a degradation in their relationship. It takes a strong foundation and two people who are honest and ready for it. I'd hate to decide to do that, whether agreeing to be the one who goes outside, or allowing my H to do so, and have it backfire.
peytondoll Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 (edited) Funnily, I thought that as well. I am open to the idea of giving a "free pass" in a LTR like a marriage for example. It makes sense to me, in that I do believe you can love your spouse but over a long period want to be with another, while still making your relationship primary....perhaps that is a swinger's lifestyle though? In any case I am not sure if I could truly go through with it, I do think I might be one to say sure and then go insane in a week or two . I feel like it's a huge decision that you may not be able to anticipate how it affects you. A woman I know was saying that she planned a 3some for her husband's birthday with a woman she knew. She had no reservations and was excited, yet when her husband was having sex with the other woman she got very upset and then afterwards became insecure and paranoid. For her, that free pass opened the door to a degradation in their relationship. It takes a strong foundation and two people who are honest and ready for it. I'd hate to decide to do that, whether agreeing to be the one who goes outside, or allowing my H to do so, and have it backfire. Yeah people say that. The problem is once you start doing stuff like that...theyll never be satisfied. I knw several people who had threesomes...think the guy had one and was satisfied? Nope- it increases their cravings and it almost always weakens his attachment to his primary relationship. I have to disagree that most of the time threesomes make a relationship better. Most people that voluntarily end up in situations like this...it speaks about the nature/level of satisfaction,attachment in their primary relationship. Research shows divorce rates in swinger couples are high. Also, many people in swinger couples are not truly in love with each other and many people in swinger couples have attachment disorders. Food for thought. I think swingers do work- for people that want the best of both worlds: a companion who they dont truly love, but are fond of, and want sexual variety without having to suffer consequences. Edited November 16, 2012 by peytondoll
peytondoll Posted November 16, 2012 Posted November 16, 2012 I think I would accept it. I'm beginning to now believe it's naturally to want to be with others of the opposite sex but it's just how society makes it. Been cheated on once and to make matters worse, I had to actually walk into while it was happening. Now though I'm in a new relationship, I have this flirting urge to be with other men. I will not cheat but see that urge is always there. Maybe that's how it started with my ex but only difference I'm not gonna let it proceed that far. Now if my bf were to suddenly allow me, then nothing bad about it. I feel bad for you. This new urge of yours is clearing from being traumatized by being cheated on. Not blaming you, actually your reaction is pretty common among people who have been cheated on. If its natural for men to cheat, its also natural for you to date men with lots of money. So go off and enjoy your "natural urges" Im sorry but you fell victim to a commonly used "marriage is unnatural" by men. Look at this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/357297-why-do-men-use-evolution-excuse-cheat
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