OLD: myth that men don't get dates

[IT Geek]

 

Any guy who is less than a 6/10 doesn't even appear on a woman's field of vision.

 

I absolutely agree with this. I would say I'm a 4/10 at best and have never received a reply to any emails I sent out, nor received any unsolicited emails.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I absolutely agree with this. I would say I'm a 4/10 at best and have never received a reply to any emails I sent out, nor received any unsolicited emails.

 

Do you even look at women that are 4/10 or below?

 

The problem with human nature is that everyone wants to trade up. They are willing to make an effort only if a said person is totally out their league.

[irc333]

I do get dates online, IF I'm lucky to finally get them to meet for lunch or a drink....I could count on 1 hand per year how many dates I get from these dating sites.

 

It's probably because of the location and the fact it's a major, high density city. You might also live in an area where people aren't obsessed with status or looks. You probably live in an area that's the "Anti-L.A." or "Anti-Hollywood".

 

I am not sure if it's different in US, but here men that do OLD have tons of options.

 

Cases in point:

 

1. I went on one date with a guy few weeks ago. He seemed interested but he bored me, so I rejected him with "no spark". He asked me to stay friends which I agreed to. He seems to be meeting up with 2-3 new girls a week from online sites. He actually adds them on Facebook and describes those meets to me in great detail so I don't think he is making it up. He is average looking, a bit chubby, no charisma, kind of smart, no sense of humor. Is college educated, owns property and has a good stable job. Still, he doesn't really stand out in any way.

 

2. My ex has had tons of dates since he joined. He is also nothing special.

 

3. My FWB told me that he met up with FORTY girls in the 6 months period. OK, he is quite sexy but he is short and losing hair so again, not exactly super hot.

 

4. Pretty much any guy I meet is multi-dating and has tons of options.

 

--------------

 

I do live in a major city but STILL. Guys on here that complain that they get NO dates from OLD in months...it makes me wonder what's up. That's certainly not the norm by any stretch.

[Revolver]

Results From An Online Dating Experiment « Chateau Heartiste

[irc333]

Ha, true. But I think all men, no matter who they are or what they look like will always have better chances in person. Always.

 

Exactly, any man you see with a woman is very attractive, chances are they met in person.

 

Take the same woman, put her on match.com...she'd probably skip over that very same man if he emailed her there.

 

In person, an opportunity in person where body language, demonstrating charisma, voice tones, mannerisms, etc.

 

I knew of a guy that said he emailed a woman, was ignored of course....later saw her at some festival and he approached her there....he never made mention of having emailed her on the dating site, but he chatted her up, got her phone #, and they went out on a few dates.

 

Only THEN he mentioned that he had already seen her on a dating site, emailed her, and said she never replied.

 

She was totally shocked, and said, "Oh my gosh, had I known what you were like NOW, I would have NEVER ignored you online!"

 

So there ya go. lol

 

Women have SO many options online, they have tons of emails DAILY coming from men.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Results From An Online Dating Experiment « Chateau Heartiste

 

This proves absolutely nothing. So women get more messages. OF COURSE. Traditional gender roles. Men pursue, women wait.

 

And the chubby female got only 1 message (probably spam) - which means that if you are unattractive female, you do ****house.

[Eternal Sunshine]

The other problem that men seem to have is that they lack the self-awareness of their own looks. The ugliest guy should message the ugliest girl (in the posted experiment). However, I bet that in real world, the ugliest guy is messaging top 2 females and then whining that they are not responding.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The other problem that men seem to have is that they lack the self-awareness of their own looks. The ugliest guy should message the ugliest girl (in the posted experiment). However, I bet that in real world, the ugliest guy is messaging top 2 females and then whining that they are not responding.

 

Before I start I'm addressing this issue in general not addressing you personally in all respects but for the sake of a balanced argument.

 

Actually it can be the other way around...if unattractive men message unattractive women those women may not realize they are unattractive because they were just pumped by another guy they met last week who was an 8 while they are a 6 on the 1-10 scale.

 

Because of that experience, because he was "hot", had a "hot bawd", was sexy or whatever her reasoning or interest was, which may be true, now she feels capable of landing another man of equal rating because this guy decided to sex her up...even though he didn't stick around, things just "didn't work out" or she just ending up as a FWB.

 

So whether that woman has less than a stellar body herself, sex appeal, beauty to any reasonable degree, maybe even just cute...she gets the idea that she's obviously desirable since she is capable of having sex with that kind of a man and they are interested in her, at least to her convincing...yet you don't see those type of guys necessarily ready to shack up with this girl.

 

Successful men in the dating world aren't exactly looking to settle in with one of the many women looking for relationships, once they realize they figured it out...and I mean how to talk to women, charm them, do a little song and dance to gain some interest, then it's like "hey, I'm getting good at this...I'm not stopping now!". However they are the minority, what women gauge as success for men, would be rather pathetic or mild for what the cute girl could pull in off a dating site, so you're basically using a handicap scale to gauge that. Just because a guy can pull off a few dates every few weeks doesn't mean an average woman couldn't do that without even blinking an eye, chances are these guys had to put in some extra effort to break away from the pack as women have plenty of options.

 

I guarantee if you converted a woman and her looks into man form equally she'd have a completely warped sense of reality and capability, and the women she would go for would shoot her down in a heart beat and she'd be devastated by the results. You would probably hide under a rock and melt into a depression, unless of course you were already overweight and unattractive...I mean let's be honest here. I think women in general would be shaken to say the least by the lack of attention they would receive as a man because they don't realize how much they currently get.

 

Until she learns how to get an "in", learn some charm, or many other skills that were really unnecessary before for her as men were doing all the work, now she has to develop this "total package" deal just get some interest off a woman who is average looking on an internet dating site, because the majority of women in her league are going to for the 8-10 range in looks and just in general desirability in general...especially since women don't typically pursue men, at least not as much comparatively to men, maybe from a woman's perspective it's a lot.

 

You also have to realize there is no top 2 women on the website, there are thousands of women online, and any woman with above attract looks is going to be shooting for the stars on most occasions...after all, prince charming should be tall, handsome, respectful, full head of hair, charming, intelligent, articulate, expressive, well-read, well-traveled, educating, stable, secure, trustworthy, honest, caring, attentive...and the list goes on and on...granted take or leave here and there with those qualities, but in general women are looking for a top notch candidate, and if men were to do the same they're considering shooting out of their league.

 

Now granted, women have difficulty with dating but it's in a completely different context...because they typically desire the "desirable" man, of course it's hard to find a good man willing to settle down and be invest in a relationship...however the qualities you see in yourself and value and admire about you, as way exacerbated from a mans perspective. Women are constantly fed validation on how pretty they are (most), how intelligent they are, how much they deserve and what they should get, only settle for the best, after all you deserve the best and what are men told throughout their lives? ::crickets:: unless the guy has some extraordinary attributes he's not blown out of the water with compliments and if he is he's like "ohhh hey look, I'm fricken foxy!, I'm going to stab as many ladies with my penis as possible! because I am sexxxxy and attractive" but like I said, those are the few, the majority of men have a wavering ego at best, which is why they try so hard to convince you that they are confident and strong and can get as many women as they want

 

Women have their issues, but they're the kind of problems the majority of men wish they had. They wish they could be sexed up at will, whenever they want with just about whoever they want...hell, I can't tell you how many women I've met that could think they could get any man they want, and when they can't or they have to deal with rejection...the glass house comes shattering down. Because for all the compliments, validation and attention women get..it's worked against them, because now many depend on that, without it they feel worthless...and that's something a lot of men on LS and dating website have had to deal with just about their entire lives...that's why they have no know how with women, because they don't have the luxury of experience where many women are sifting through the handful of guys that have been able to learn and put the pieces together and create some sense of charm and interest, and then women are like "oh he was nothing special, nothing like guy X".

 

So it's a competition amongst men, hey don't look at me, I don't feel sorry for men. This is the hand we are dealt, quite your crying and figure it out or you'll just melt into the rest. It's no wonder a lot of these guys are always looking for tactics and figure out ways to swoon women...after all, don't women expect it? of course not, you just want a "nice guy"....oh please! lie to someone else

[phineas]

The other problem that men seem to have is that they lack the self-awareness of their own looks. The ugliest guy should message the ugliest girl (in the posted experiment). However, I bet that in real world, the ugliest guy is messaging top 2 females and then whining that they are not responding.

 

That must be it.

Every male member of LS who can't get any love on OLD is fat & ugly & only messaging the the hottest women on the site.

[VodkaShots]

^You need to see some thread in bodybuilding.com. Good looking guys, especially ones with good bodies, have it EASY with online dating. Girls throw themselves at these guys. They dont have to see 100 messages. They can send ridiculous offensive crap too and have girls still eating out of their hand.

 

Hell, Im an average dude, and I dont have to send 100 messages to get a date or reply. Sure it can be tough at times, buts its easier than you make it.

On one hand that's common sense, but it seems widely accepted that topless mirror pics put off women, I've signed up to POF (just to look around, not to date) and I agree. Justifiably or not it screams "douche", especially when they claim they're generally looking for a relationship.

 

Most of the guys on BB.com just troll on POF though.

 

 

However my response may be skrewed when it comes to OLD.

 

Don't mean to play the race card but there are levels..

 

-Attractive White Female

- Fat White Female

-Other Race Female

-Obese White females

-Attractive Black females

-Obese other females

-Obese Black females

 

I can count the amount of guys who are not white that use OLD in my area on my two hands. So yeah, it is pretty ****ed. Half the messages I get are "Can I put some cream in the coffee" variation.

 

However when I did OLD in NYC I had no problem.

My area sucks balls.

 

I don't agree. Maybe that's true in the USA, but I was talking about interracial dating with a 24 year old black girl at work (who is very slim but curvy about a UK Size 10, and moderately attractive) who met her (white) boyfriend on a dating website. But she said she used to get hundreds of messages per week from men of all races. I can't imagine it's any different for women of other ethnicities.

 

I think it's slim women > obese women, no matter what the race is. Online and in real-life.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Each to their own.

 

Some of us are very aware of the level of men we can get for sex and level we can get for a relationship. We never confuse the two. Personally I don't even bother with men that are 8-10 in looks because I know that they are out of my league and FWB is best I can hope for. I ignore and delete, no matter how charming they may be.

 

For a relationship, I shoot for level I was able to have committed relationship with in the past (around 5-7). Again, I will argue that self-awareness is one of women's strong points.

[phineas]

Before I start I'm addressing this issue in general not addressing you personally in all respects but for the sake of a balanced argument.

 

Actually it can be the other way around...if unattractive men message unattractive women those women may not realize they are unattractive because they were just pumped by another guy they met last week who was an 8 while they are a 6 on the 1-10 scale.

 

Because of that experience, because he was "hot", had a "hot bawd", was sexy or whatever her reasoning or interest was, which may be true, now she feels capable of landing another man of equal rating because this guy decided to sex her up...even though he didn't stick around, things just "didn't work out" or she just ending up as a FWB.

 

 

And this is why I get much more interest in real life than OLD.

Most women I meet don't do OLD & are with a guy my age.

Most men my age are out of shape.

 

No e-brag but even though I don't have the 6-pack, every time I enter a social situation i'm usually in better shape than most of the men in the room.

Plus, i'm apparently a funny guy. I get women telling me this from work after we've hung out at happy hr in a group or I've had my buddies tell me a woman told them I was funny ect.

 

So I know i'm not at least unattractive.

 

But I get very little responses on OLD.

In fact the only time i've gotten dates from OLD is when the women contacted me.

 

I don't let it bother me much though.

[Eternal Sunshine]

If you are all such studs in real life, why are you not out there banging hotties (that you met IN REAL LIFE)? No, you are on here complaining how you have no luck with online dating.

[johan]

Every male member of LS who can't get any love on OLD is fat & ugly & only messaging the the hottest women on the site.

 

Sounds like a bad strategy to me.

[Lonely Ronin]

If you are all such studs in real life, why are you not out there banging hotties (that you met IN REAL LIFE)? No, you are on here complaining how you have no luck with online dating.

 

Because it's damn hard to meet a well rounded, age appropriate, relationship focused woman in real life.

[phineas]

Sounds like a bad strategy to me.

 

I agree but that seems to be what the op is claiming.

 

Because it's damn hard to meet a well rounded, age appropriate, relationship focused woman in real life.

 

This. the women I meet are attractive but when you get to my age the majority are recently divorced looking to "have fun" or just party girls that never grew up.

They spend more time partying than anything else & that just isn't me.

 

Not to mention the one's married looking for a little side action & the one's with a guy but actively looking for an upgrade.....

 

I would consider dating a woman who made little money & kids if she didn't give off the impression she's just looking for a guy to take care of her or elevate her standard of living because the looser (or looser's) she had kids with don't pay child support.

 

I want a partner who can pay her own bills & support her own interests & doesn't rely on the men she dates to do all that for her.

[Lonely Ronin]

This. the women I meet are attractive but when you get to my age the majority are recently divorced looking to "have fun" or just party girls that never grew up.

They spend more time partying than anything else & that just isn't me.

 

I run into:

 

1. women who didn't party when they were in their early 20's and feel like they missed out.

2. The I want to have children soon women.

3. The I want a travel partner women

[DC4]

I don't want to party all the time, I don't want ANYONE paying my bills except me, my son is 20 so no responsibilities there for a potential guy. I make decent money and I am not needy as my social calendar has plenty of other things. I'm fairly decent looking for 40s-in shape, I run a lot and have tons of energy. I think I'm sort of a catch, I think I'm doing something wrong! I cannot find a guy that wants to be 1) exclusive and 2) see each other 2-3 a week.

 

Are my criteria out of whack? what am I missing here?? Well I mean, I could very well be the world's biggest b'tch or something which you all wouldn't know. Any red flags otherwise?

[Emilia]

This. the women I meet are attractive but when you get to my age the majority are recently divorced looking to "have fun" or just party girls that never grew up.

They spend more time partying than anything else & that just isn't me.

 

Not to mention the one's married looking for a little side action & the one's with a guy but actively looking for an upgrade.....

 

I would consider dating a woman who made little money & kids if she didn't give off the impression she's just looking for a guy to take care of her or elevate her standard of living because the looser (or looser's) she had kids with don't pay child support.

 

I want a partner who can pay her own bills & support her own interests & doesn't rely on the men she dates to do all that for her.

 

Some of the men I meet are attractive but when you get to my age the majority are recently divorced looking to "have fun" or just boys that have never grown up.

They spend more time drinking and watching the telly than anything else & that just isn't me.

 

Not to mention the one's married looking for a little side action & the one's with a woman but actively looking for an upgrade.....

 

I would consider dating a man who made little money & kids if he didn't give off the impression he's just looking for a woman to take care of him because he is a loser who doesn't know how to run his own life.

 

I want a partner who can pay his own bills & has his own interests & doesn't rely on the women he dates to provide a life for him.

 

^^ I only needed to change a few words (bolded).

[SoonMyFriend]

My OLD experiences have been very limited. (Only been on for a month). But I've been on three dates (second date with one) and am currently messaging others.

 

I am on OKC & POF.

 

On POF I tend to ignore the "hello" or "what up" messages I receive when I am online. They're just tolling IMO.

 

Within the first 48 hours of signing up for POF I received about 60 messages. After that it's dropped off significantly.

 

I'd say the majority of messages I receive are one-liners like the above "hey how r u" or "hey sexy". Sorry but I ignore those.

 

After that it's a 50/50 split of longer messages that are clearly cut & paste "Hey how are you? I see we have things in common. Quick, name the last 5 songs you listened to!" Or stuff along those lines where it's generic enough it's clear they haven't read my profile but they're trying to make it seem like they have.

 

And the other 50 are actual messages that reflect my profile. I respond to all of those messages whether I am interested or not. My belief is, they took the time to read my profile and think about my message I can only extend the same courtesy.

 

Here's my breakdown of my three dates:

 

#1) Met on OKC. He sent me a copied & pasted message but it was really funny. Chatted for about a week before meeting up. The date itself was OK and I was disappointed when he showed up and it was evident early on that the photos he's using on OKC are a couple of years old. Also, his profile information was very outdated since as the date progressed several listed he listed as "just happened" were easily a year old. I know some people "set it and forget it" but just don't write things like "I just bought a house and my career is really taking off" when in reality you just sold your house, are now renting an apartment and hate your job. I know things change, but just update your profile. Or keep it non-specific to big events like that. I'm not a gold digger, but there's a big difference IMO between someone who has a career they enjoy and want to keep working at, and someone who is looking at starting all over again at the age of 30 (and I'm talking about even going back to school). We didn't have another date for reasons other than that (no chemistry and we lacked common ground on a lot of my major interests).

 

#2) Met of POF. He sent me a short message that indicated he read my profile. Chatted for about two weeks before meeting up. We've gone on two dates.

 

#3) Met on OKC. I messaged him with an original message asking about some stuff in his profile. Chatted for a couple weeks before meeting. We decided to just remain friends since dating him would be a LDR and I have no interest in LDR (been there, done that, have the emtional scars).

 

So guys... here's my take on the male approach to OLD...

 

If you're going to "spam" me, you better make it funny or crazy enough it stands out from the rest. Or even a short, one sentence line that references something specific sets you apart from the other generic crap I receive.

 

And I find it a turnoff to get a first message that reads "I think you're super hot and also love pineapples". For me, if you're messaging me it's implied you think I am some level of attractive. I would rather just read "I also love pineapples. What else do you enjoy?" I'll respond to that. The first one seems a bit... much.

[irc333]

The other problem that men seem to have is that they lack the self-awareness of their own looks. The ugliest guy should message the ugliest girl (in the posted experiment). However, I bet that in real world, the ugliest guy is messaging top 2 females and then whining that they are not responding

 

Actually, it doesn't take much for me to be physically attracted to a woman. In fact, I usually tend to contact or pursue women who are my equivelant in looks, if she happens to be even MORE attractive than that, it's just a bonus.

 

But you'd be suprised how many men I know that wouldn't even bother with some women I found very attractive.

 

I have a friend of mine, won't touch red heads with a ten-foot pole, yeah JUST the hair color turns him off...go figure. LOL But I have no issue with that.

[phineas]

Some of the men I meet are attractive but when you get to my age the majority are recently divorced looking to "have fun" or just boys that have never grown up.

They spend more time drinking and watching the telly than anything else & that just isn't me.

 

Not to mention the one's married looking for a little side action & the one's with a woman but actively looking for an upgrade.....

 

I would consider dating a man who made little money & kids if he didn't give off the impression he's just looking for a woman to take care of him because he is a loser who doesn't know how to run his own life.

 

I want a partner who can pay his own bills & has his own interests & doesn't rely on the women he dates to provide a life for him.

 

^^ I only needed to change a few words (bolded).

 

Want to know how I know you have issues with men? LOL!

[Under The Radar]

Each to their own.

 

Some of us are very aware of the level of men we can get for sex and level we can get for a relationship. We never confuse the two. Personally I don't even bother with men that are 8-10 in looks because I know that they are out of my league and FWB is best I can hope for. I ignore and delete, no matter how charming they may be.

 

For a relationship, I shoot for level I was able to have committed relationship with in the past (around 5-7). Again, I will argue that self-awareness is one of women's strong points.

 

 

Using a celebrity, what is an example of a "5, 6 or 7"? Consider my question shear morbid curiosity .

[phineas]

I don't want to party all the time, I don't want ANYONE paying my bills except me, my son is 20 so no responsibilities there for a potential guy. I make decent money and I am not needy as my social calendar has plenty of other things. I'm fairly decent looking for 40s-in shape, I run a lot and have tons of energy. I think I'm sort of a catch, I think I'm doing something wrong! I cannot find a guy that wants to be 1) exclusive and 2) see each other 2-3 a week.

 

Are my criteria out of whack? what am I missing here?? Well I mean, I could very well be the world's biggest b'tch or something which you all wouldn't know. Any red flags otherwise?

 

I'm assuming you having a 20yr old you are around 40?

 

How soon do you bring up exclusivity & how much you want to see them?

 

For starter's don't sleep with them until they offer exclusivity & their desire to see you is in line with yours.

 

also how soon do you expect 2 to 3 times a week?

 

for men, seeing a woman 2 to 3 times a week right away = she get's bored & finds someone else or is clingy.

 

That type of face time should progress over time in a relationship.

 

On the flip side I have my kids 5 out of 7 days a week & won't bring a woman into my household & let them spend time with me & my kids together unless we have been exclusive for at least 6 months.

 

She can meet them on neutral territory such as parties or social events but integrating them into family time is a big step.

 

A lot of women I meet have older kids or a faster time-table for that & for me, having women just up & literally fall off the face of the earth after two months or start acting disrespectful after even 3 months I do have to chalk it up to an incompatibility.

[somedude81]

Using a celebrity, what is an example of a "5, 6 or 7"? Consider my question shear morbid curiosity .

I was going to ask her something very similar but you beat me to it.

 

I wonder what she considers the average man to be.

 

She also mentioned not seeing women with men more attractive than them, I see it all the time.

 

Some dumpy looking girl with a guy who's good looking and fit. Makes me wonder why he's with her.