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Could you date someone who was an accomplice to a cheating person?


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Posted

It isn't about blaming anyone. However someone who sleeps with someone that they know is in a relationship is just as ****ed up. They aren't the one to blame for the person in the relationship cheating - I don't even that was Kaylan's question. I would not want to be with someone who knowingly helps someone cheat.

  • Like 4
Posted
I'm sorry this other guy got hurt, but I don't know him, will never meet him, what obligation do I have to keep his wife/girlfriend from sleeping around?

 

No one can keep a cheater from cheating, but that's not a justification for enabling. Just because an alcoholic can get a drink elsewhere doesn't make it a good idea for me to shrug and pass him a beer.

 

I don't believe in knowingly hurting others for my benefit, even if I've never met them and probably never will, especially when it's incredibly easy to walk away from the situation. I wouldn't date someone who's okay with hurting others because, meh, who cares, I don't know them. That philosophy doesn't match mine.

 

And if I do turn her away, is she just going to be a good girlfriend from then on? No, she's going to cheat anyway and he'll get hurt just the same. The only variable here is whether or not I have sex or some other guy has sex.

 

And if I don't give the alcoholic a beer, is he going to quit drinking? No, he's going to drink anyway, and his family will be hurt just the same. The only variable here is whether or not I give him a beer or someone else does.

  • Like 3
Posted
No one can keep a cheater from cheating, but that's not a justification for enabling. Just because an alcoholic can get a drink elsewhere doesn't make it a good idea for me to shrug and pass him a beer.

 

I don't believe in knowingly hurting others for my benefit, even if I've never met them and probably never will, especially when it's incredibly easy to walk away from the situation. I wouldn't date someone who's okay with hurting others because, meh, who cares, I don't know them. That philosophy doesn't match mine.

 

 

 

And if I don't give the alcoholic a beer, is he going to quit drinking? No, he's going to drink anyway, and his family will be hurt just the same. The only variable here is whether or not I give him a beer or someone else does.

 

Why would you pass an alcoholic a beer? Benefits you in no way, and hurts the alcoholic. Since loveshack seems to love analogies no matter how ****ty, here:

 

Someone you know has a family with super cute kids and a beautiful wife, but has fallen on hard times. You are both applying to the same job. If he doesn't get the job, his family will all starve to death. Are you obligated to give up the job to help him?

  • Author
Posted (edited)
No, your analogies are terrible because Jenny is actively trying to cause the person they're bullying pain. The Other Man/Woman isn't; they don't care. Yes, I've been in that situation and would again. I'm sorry this other guy got hurt, but I don't know him, will never meet him, what obligation do I have to keep his wife/girlfriend from sleeping around?

 

And if I do turn her away, is she just going to be a good girlfriend from then on? No, she's going to cheat anyway and he'll get hurt just the same. The only variable here is whether or not I have sex or some other guy has sex.

Intent doesnt matter

 

The single person is willingly and knowingly causing someone pain. So your excuse is bs tbh. Lack of intent doesnt get someone off the hook for causing someone else misery especially when they show no regard for the other person.

 

Stop trying to make your own crappy actions any more moral than the cheater. Youre both low moral people. You are even lower since you are the type of person to take no responsibility for those you hurt.

 

Morally bankrupt people have the lamest excuses for their behavior. All I know is guys like you end up beaten on the ground when they cross the wrong boyfriend or husband.. Not that Id ever get violent over a cheating issue, but if blame was solely on the partner, then people would never get mad at the single person. Yet most of the time they get mad at both people.

 

The variable here is that if the cheating girl goes to another guy, you werent complicit nor also a helping cause in someone elses pain. Obviously you are a typical low morale dude who cant think past sex. But you getting or not getting sex is not the only variable here. If a girl cheats on you in the future...Id like you to go shake the guys hand, and tell him"buddy i aint mad at ya" But we all know you would be....dont kid a kidder.

Edited by kaylan
  • Like 1
Posted
Intent doesnt matter

 

The single person is willingly and knowingly causing someone pain. So your excuse is bs tbh. Lack of intent doesnt get someone off the hook for causing someone else misery especially when they show no regard for the other person.

 

You're contradicting yourself. Intent doesn't matter, unless you're knowingly causing pain?

 

How do I know what will cause someone pain or not? Maybe they have an open relationship, maybe the dude has accepted that he has a girlfriend that sleeps around. I don't know, don't really care.

 

Stop trying to make your own crappy actions any more moral than the cheater. Youre both low moral people. You are even lower since you are the type of person to take no responsibility for those you hurt.

 

Morally bankrupt people have the lamest excuses for their behavior. All I know is guys like you end up beaten on the ground when they cross the wrong boyfriend or husband.. Not that Id ever get violent over a cheating issue, but if blame was solely on the partner, then people would never get mad at the single person. Yet most of the time they get mad at both people.

 

The variable here is that if the cheating girl goes to another guy, you werent complicit nor also a helping cause in someone elses pain. Obviously you are a typical low morale dude who cant think past sex. But you getting or not getting sex is not the only variable here. If a girl cheats on you in the future...Id like you to go shake the guys hand, and tell him"buddy i aint mad at ya" But we all know you would be....dont kid a kidder.

 

I don't think of myself as more moral than the cheater. Morals are all relative and mostly bull**** spouted off by hypocrites. I didn't try to hurt anyone, I'm just living my life. I bear no responsibility for you dating a ****ty woman.

 

As for them getting violent...well, if it happens it happens.

 

If a girl cheats on me, I break up with her. That's it. I'm certainly not going after some random guy I've never met. I don't own my girlfriends, they have the freedom to do whatever they want. I've never had one cheat on me either.

Posted
Why would you pass an alcoholic a beer? Benefits you in no way, and hurts the alcoholic. Since loveshack seems to love analogies no matter how ****ty, here:

 

Someone you know has a family with super cute kids and a beautiful wife, but has fallen on hard times. You are both applying to the same job. If he doesn't get the job, his family will all starve to death. Are you obligated to give up the job to help him?

 

No but you could buy him a beer if he's not an alcoholic.

  • Author
Posted
You're contradicting yourself. Intent doesn't matter, unless you're knowingly causing pain?
My point is that if you know someone you do will cause someone else pain, and you do it anyway...youre just as bad as the cheater.

How do I know what will cause someone pain or not? Maybe they have an open relationship, maybe the dude has accepted that he has a girlfriend that sleeps around. I don't know, don't really care.

Oh please...look at the cheating section of this site. We all know cheating causes pain. So dont play dumb. You know its wrong but you dont care because you are selfish and your penis comes first. Just own the fact that you are in the wrong and are selfish just like the cheater.

I don't think of myself as more moral than the cheater. Morals are all relative and mostly bull**** spouted off by hypocrites. I didn't try to hurt anyone, I'm just living my life. I bear no responsibility for you dating a ****ty woman.
Morals arent relative. Everyone can agree that hurting people emotionally is wrong. So get real dude.

 

And I dont date ****ty women. Ive heard girls say the same things you do, and Ill use them for a good time but thats it. Ill let them date a guy like you whos selfish and doesnt take responsibility for his actions.

 

As for them getting violent...well, if it happens it happens.
lol ok good luck

If a girl cheats on me, I break up with her. That's it. I'm certainly not going after some random guy I've never met. I don't own my girlfriends, they have the freedom to do whatever they want. I've never had one cheat on me either.

Riiiiight....its funny how guys with your attitude about cheating are always so sure its never happened to them. Its quite possible you ended up dating a girl who had no qualms about this issue and cheated on you without knowing it.

 

Not saying it did happen, but im saying its possible. Like attracts like.

Posted

Both parties are in the wrong. Obviously the one who cheated on their partner is worse than the single person, but the single person did have a hand in it and deserves part of the blame.

 

I never understood cheating. If you no longer feel attracted to your partner, break it off with them.

 

And yet another reason why being single and having no strings attached relationships f***ing owns.

Posted
My point is that if you know someone you do will cause someone else pain, and you do it anyway...youre just as bad as the cheater.

 

Right....you've never done something that you knew would hurt other people, Mother Theresa? It's the nature of man - people cause each other pain, intentionally or not.

 

Oh please...look at the cheating section of this site. We all know cheating causes pain. So dont play dumb. You know its wrong but you dont care because you are selfish and your penis comes first. Just own the fact that you are in the wrong and are selfish just like the cheater.

Morals arent relative. Everyone can agree that hurting people emotionally is wrong. So get real dude.

 

Right...because loveshack is representative of the world. Most people on this board, myself included, are damaged goods.

 

Again, I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not my responsibility to take care of other people's relationships.

 

And I dont date ****ty women. Ive heard girls say the same things you do, and Ill use them for a good time but thats it. Ill let them date a guy like you whos selfish and doesnt take responsibility for his actions.

 

Riiiiight....its funny how guys with your attitude about cheating are always so sure its never happened to them. Its quite possible you ended up dating a girl who had no qualms about this issue and cheated on you without knowing it.

 

Not saying it did happen, but im saying its possible. Like attracts like.

 

I'm fine with that. You can call me selfish, immoral, whatever you want if it makes you feel better.

 

And sure, it's possible I had a girlfriend that cheated and I just never found out - and so? You will almost certainly have a girlfriend that lies to you about being the other woman that you despise so much. What does it matter? I've accepted, because I am not naive, that women are not saints. They're people, and people will lie, cheat, and make mistakes.

 

You can keep searching for your pure unspoiled flower if you want, dude. Good luck with that.

  • Author
Posted
Right....you've never done something that you knew would hurt other people, Mother Theresa? It's the nature of man - people cause each other pain, intentionally or not.
Sorry dude, some of us have morals. Especially when it comes to relationships. I dont break hearts dude.

 

Right...because loveshack is representative of the world. Most people on this board, myself included, are damaged goods.

 

Again, I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not my responsibility to take care of other people's relationships.

You can ask friends, family, anyone on the street. Getting cheating on hurts. Open relationships arent cheating...so I dont know why you mentioned that in your last post.

 

If you hookup with someone who has a partner, your complicit in causing pain. Its ok if you dont want to take responsibility...thats on you. But people will consider you wrong and partly to blame. Thats the reality.

I'm fine with that. You can call me selfish, immoral, whatever you want if it makes you feel better.
It doesnt make me feel anything. It is what it is. I call behavior as I see it. Im not going to lie to you.

And sure, it's possible I had a girlfriend that cheated and I just never found out - and so? You will almost certainly have a girlfriend that lies to you about being the other woman that you despise so much. What does it matter? I've accepted, because I am not naive, that women are not saints. They're people, and people will lie, cheat, and make mistakes.

Yes people lie cheat and make mistakes. But there are those of us who dont lie and cheat in relationships. We make sure we dont make mistakes when it comes to our relationships, nor do we interfere in others relationships.

 

I never said women are saints. Im simply trying to find a girl with strong morals and respect for other people.

You can keep searching for your pure unspoiled flower if you want, dude. Good luck with that.

Pure unspoiled flower? Sorry bro...but someone have strong morals regarding cheating doesnt make them rare unspoiled flowers. Its not super hard to find women who havent cheated, or who arent ok with the idea of cheating. Whats hard is finding a woman you click with in general.

  • Like 1
Posted

A woman my age has thousands of miles on her tires. No one knows, other than her, where they've been. I don't worry about that stuff any more. So, by default, I'd date such a lady, because I won't know for sure and won't care. EOS.

Posted (edited)
Sorry dude, some of us have morals. Especially when it comes to relationships. I dont break hearts dude.

 

No...it's because it's about relationships. You don't have these same morals when it comes to other facets of life. Unless you want to claim youve never intentionally hurt anyone emotionally or physically in your life. You ONLY apply these "morals" to relationships. Hypocrisy, like all other morals arguments. You were probably hurt or people close to you were hurt by cheating, which is why you believe it's "wrong" and all parties involved are guilty.

 

You can ask friends, family, anyone on the street. Getting cheating on hurts. Open relationships arent cheating...so I dont know why you mentioned that in your last post.

 

I mentioned it because I don't ask what her deal is. I don't really care if she's in a messy breakup, polygamous, or married. If she likes me and I'm single, that's the extent of it. I don't have time to screen women to see if having sex with them would have adverse effects on people in their lives.

 

If you hookup with someone who has a partner, your complicit in causing pain. Its ok if you dont want to take responsibility...thats on you. But people will consider you wrong and partly to blame. Thats the reality.

It doesnt make me feel anything. It is what it is. I call behavior as I see it. Im not going to lie to you.

 

Sure, we all call behavior as we see it. I don't see it the same way, the only difference is that I don't get on a pulpit and preach about righteousness and morality.

 

 

 

Honestly, Kaylan, I do understand where you're coming from. I had similar views when I was younger. It's just the naivete of youth. You'll soon find out that things as they should be do not match reality.

Edited by TaurusTerp
Posted

I lean in the same direction as the OP. I don't want to be with someone who has that kind of character.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
No...it's because it's about relationships. You don't have these same morals when it comes to other facets of life. Unless you want to claim youve never intentionally hurt anyone emotionally or physically in your life. You ONLY apply these "morals" to relationships. Hypocrisy, like all other morals arguments. You were probably hurt or people close to you were hurt by cheating, which is why you believe it's "wrong" and all parties involved are guilty.

Dude. I believe its "Do unto others as Id have done to me" in ALL facets of my life. I do good by people because I want people to do good by me. I cant expect a nice life if Im selfish myself.

 

Unlike you, I wont treat others in a bad way, while not wanting the same treatment. So dont put words in my mouth. This thread is about relationships...thats why im talking about them. You make yourself look foolish when you make assumptions about other areas of my life.

 

I dont live by double standards. I do as Id want done to me.

 

I mentioned it because I don't ask what her deal is. I don't really care if she's in a messy breakup, polygamous, or married. If she likes me and I'm single, that's the extent of it. I don't have time to screen women to see if having sex with them would have adverse effects on people in their lives.
And thats fine if it works for you. You dont have to screen, but I also know you wont turn down puzzy even if its detrimental to someone else. Hence selfish. Just own it.

Sure, we all call behavior as we see it. I don't see it the same way, the only difference is that I don't get on a pulpit and preach about righteousness and morality.

Of course you wouldnt see it the same way. Most people who have cheated or are ok with helping others cheat dont see their behavior as wrong.
  • Like 1
Posted
Wooooow. I wouldnt give a girl the time of day if she did something like this guy did. I dunno how you ever gave him a chance for even casual dating. You have a tougher skin than I do. And what a terrible parent that girls mother was. Absolutely despicable person.

 

 

Yeah, well, it wasn't something I knew about straight away. For sure the mother's behaviour is despicable - I was nothing short of shocked to hear a parent could do that to her child - imagine the hidden jealously and rage she must have felt for her daughter? It's a scary thought.

 

As for him, on the one hand I could see he was a young horny kid strung out on drugs at the time, but to still not be able to grasp the concept that it was cheating 10 years after the event, indicated to me that he had psychological problems - like splitting off a part of himself, and in pure denial for having broken not one, but 2 taboos.

 

Needless to say, it wasn't long after that we went our separate ways. If someone can't see the error of their ways - and if it's not an error in his mind than that's down to him - but it only says to me that, in this case, history can repeat itself.

 

It certainly doesn't jive with me.

  • Author
Posted

Honestly, Kaylan, I do understand where you're coming from. I had similar views when I was younger. It's just the naivete of youth. You'll soon find out that things as they should be do not match reality.

Please dont patronize me with the condescending "naivety of youth" stuff. Im old enough and experience enough to know theres good and bad people of all ages in the world. Ive met people of various ages who care about others, and Ive met people of various ages who are like you and dont care about how other people feel. Not everyone is about self gratification at the expense of all those around them.

 

Just because some people dont care about others doesnt mean I need to join in. There are too many good people in the world, so why should I follow the bad apples just because theres many of them as well?

Posted
Dude. I believe its "Do unto others as Id have done to me" in ALL facets of my life. I do good by people because I want people to do good by me. I cant expect a nice life if Im selfish myself.

 

Unlike you, I wont treat others in a bad way, while not wanting the same treatment. So dont put words in my mouth. This thread is about relationships...thats why im talking about them. You make yourself look foolish when you make assumptions about other areas of my life.

 

I dont live by double standards. I do as Id want done to me.

 

And thats fine if it works for you. You dont have to screen, but I also know you wont turn down puzzy even if its detrimental to someone else. Hence selfish. Just own it.

Of course you wouldnt see it the same way. Most people who have cheated or are ok with helping others cheat dont see their behavior as wrong.

 

Sure, I'm selfish. There you go.

 

I don't live by double standards either. Nobody is responsible for taking care of my life. People look out for themselves. And the world turns.

Posted
A woman my age has thousands of miles on her tires. No one knows, other than her, where they've been. I don't worry about that stuff any more. So, by default, I'd date such a lady, because I won't know for sure and won't care. EOS.

 

Oh dear, carhill, have you become that cynical?

Posted
Please dont patronize me with the condescending "naivety of youth" stuff. Im old enough and experience enough to know theres good and bad people of all ages in the world. Ive met people of various ages who care about others, and Ive met people of various ages who are like you and dont care about how other people feel. Not everyone is about self gratification at the expense of all those around them.

 

Just because some people dont care about others doesnt mean I need to join in. There are too many good people in the world, so why should I follow the bad apples just because theres many of them as well?

 

You're one to talk about making assumptions about other people's life. How many assumptions have you made about me?

 

Nor did I say anything about you being the other man and following the "bad apples". The only statement I made was that the other man is not at fault. I'm not saying Kaylan, go out and bang some married women.

  • Author
Posted
Sure, I'm selfish. There you go.

 

I don't live by double standards either. Nobody is responsible for taking care of my life. People look out for themselves. And the world turns.

At least you can admit it then. And just because people look out for themselves doesnt absolve you of wrong doing if you cause someone else pain.

You're one to talk about making assumptions about other people's life. How many assumptions have you made about me?
Im not making assumptions. Caring about your own sexual gratification even if it causes someone else emotional pain is the definition of selfish. Thats not an assumption...thats a fact ANYONE here can see.

Nor did I say anything about you being the other man and following the "bad apples". The only statement I made was that the other man is not at fault. I'm not saying Kaylan, go out and bang some married women.

Look...it takes two to tango. Hence two people are at fault. We will have to agree to disagree here...but a person doesnt have intercourse alone.
  • Like 1
Posted
At least you can admit it then. And just because people look out for themselves doesnt absolve you of wrong doing if you cause someone else pain.Im not making assumptions. Caring about your own sexual gratification even if it causes someone else emotional pain is the definition of selfish. Thats not an assumption...thats a fact ANYONE here can see.

Look...it takes two to tango. Hence two people are at fault. We will have to agree to disagree here...but a person doesnt have intercourse alone.

 

Fair enough, agree to disagree. Not much else to say

Posted (edited)

It's a matter of self-respect to me. I wouldn't do that to someone else and disrespect another person's relationship even if they're a complete stranger to me.

 

It's not so much about the other person as it is about me being okay with myself and my choices.

 

If someone was okay with doing that to a complete stranger then I know that we don't share the same values when it comes to respect.

 

If the person involved respected themselves then they'd expect for the person they're being with to leave one relationship before beginning a new one with them.

 

If they compromise on that they lack self-respect IMO.

Edited by amaysngrace
Posted
Oh dear, carhill, have you become that cynical?

That's a lot of life experience talking. None of us has a magic ball we can look into and see absolute truth. I choose to move on to other things. Happy to leave the good fight to those with the energy to fight it. I'm going fishing.

Posted

Once again, I think the primary focus should be on the present. Who is the person NOW? If they were a partner to deceit in the past, but would never repeat the behavior again, then where do we draw the line?

 

People can and do change; sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. If the person in question didn't feel any remorse, or was content to cheat in the future, then I'd sprint for the hills ASAP.

 

It really needs to be assessed on a case by case basis. Some of the greatest people I've ever met made mistakes like this earlier in life. The difference is they have learned from it. These are GOOD human beings who are loyal and trustworthy. Not everything in life is black and white. Sure, some people will never change such behavior, but casting blanket generalizations on the entire population is pretty narrow minded.

 

I wouldn't want to hang out with cheaters, but I wouldn't want to hang out with self-righteous individuals either.

Posted
If a girl cheats on me, I break up with her. That's it. I'm certainly not going after some random guy I've never met. I don't own my girlfriends, they have the freedom to do whatever they want. I've never had one cheat on me either.

 

Answer this then:

 

What if that random guy was someone that you knew? A friend or family member.

 

Would you place any blame on him?

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