ConfusedEx Posted November 11, 2012 Posted November 11, 2012 Hello everyone I am trying to figure out my now ex-girlfriend's bizarre behavior, is it typical? Could it be bipolar or she is just a mean person? She is 22 and I am 26. She messages me online via Facebook a year after we meet and it is obvious she is interested in dating me. The email was rushed and anxious and she seemed excited. We go on a couple dates and really hit it off. She tells me off the bat that she was bipolar and she had been in a relationship when we met but told me she had broken up with him and had been out of it for 2 months because he was abusive to her and she fell out of love. She stopped talking to him for two weeks before hand. Anyway things go along quickly and 2 months later she tells me she loves me. I remember this feeling like it was very quick but a couple months later I fall in love with her. She moves up to school and we decide to do the long distance thing. She builds me up a lot telling me I am the best boyfriend she has ever had and that we are perfect for each other, while also talking about all the negative aspects of her ex (alcoholic, abusive). During her Christmas break I go up to her school with her and we spend the week together. Whenever she was obviously in some place where she wasn't feeling good I would recognize it and try not to overstep her boundaries. The entire week she confesses that she was very irritated with me but asked her therapist about it and the therapist said it was the bipolar and she was relieved because she thought the spark was gone. A couple months later she drives down impulsively for my birthday with one of her friends from school but her behavior contradicts the act as she is acting very cold and distant. Her last night in town we are drunk watching a movie and she tells me that she is feeling disconnected. Additionally she tells me she cheated on her last boyfriend, I’ll call him Troy, with an old high school love named John and she felt horrible about it but she didn’t want to tell me because it would be a red flag and she would never do that to me. She also says that it had only been two weeks since breaking up with Troy before we started dating. She tells me also one night when she was too stoned to drive she slept in the same bed as the guy she drove down with but nothing happened. I wake up and ruminate on it during the day and become very distraught. Despite everything she says she does not want to break up. We meet up on our anniversary and it is miserable and I ask her one night when we are drunk if she loves me and she says no and appears very not empathetic towards how I feel, and I feel horrible. She tells me that she wants to break off communication before coming back home because it is too stressful for her as she is doing bad in school and that if she misses me when she gets back she will know she loves me. She texts me the next day after we stop talking that she thinks it will work because she already misses me. She comes back home and is avoiding me, blaming it on her controlling mother. Her father is bipolar and has other mental illnesses and one day she tells me he is going through a very bad episode and needs to drive up to see him. She spends the entire weekend away and misses her best friend’s birthday party who was visiting from overseas. I come home from work and open a different web browser than I normally use and discover that her email is logged on, I know it’s not cool but I check it out and she has emailed herself pictures of herself hanging out with John down south partying. I confront her and we have a terrible break up. She explains that she hates herself and knew she would get hurt so she did it and that she was feeling so disconnected from everything she wanted to feel something. All these hateful feelings were coming out during therapy because she is living with her controlling, attention freak mother. The mother would berate her and terrorize her when she was younger. Two weeks later it hits her and she is crying and texting me when she is drunk saying how sad she is that we broke up…two weeks as she says that she has delayed emotional responses to stressful events. We end up getting back together and I help her move into a new place and school and we reconnect really well. She hung out with John a couple times after we broke up, she kissed him but felt nothing and realized he was really stupid. First week she is up at school and I am down working she is calling me crying about how much she misses me. She demands that I move up right away, which is pretty much impossible. As time goes on she begins ignoring me again. She drops one of her easiest classes because she is too depressed to get out of bed to go and ends up chopping all of her hair off. She tells me she thinks that the anti-depressants are making her more depressed and I tell her that isn’t true she just needs to get them adjusted and that she should come down for a psychiatry appointment. So I pay for her to fly down and she ends up getting strep throat and can’t go and we are both really bummed. During this weekend she keeps talking about Troy and is obviously thinking about him but also tells me that she has been thinking of cutting herself and that she needs to drop her classes to come down for therapy and psychiatry appointments to get her meds adjusted. After I first discovered the email I was so distraught I called in sick to work 3 times that week and layed in bed, unable to go on the computer because I was so depressed and didn’t want to see everyone on Facebook and what not having fun. I remember it’s logged in and I know it’s also not cool but I was curious and afraid of getting hurt again and she is emailing Troy asking him if he wants to hang out. Troy found out while we were together that she cheated on him and it messed him up and he stopped communicating with her and she felt horrible for it. When we got back together he emailed her asking her to watch a movie that he thought was a lot like their relationship, that he forgave her finally, and he wasn’t an angry person anymore. Him opening this door obviously had her thinking about him again for whatever morbid reason. I confront her and she says she is an idiot for it and she doesn’t know what she wants once again, but that she doesn't want to break up. Two weeks before she told me she loved me more than anything and now she is struggling with her feelings for me. She comes down the next weekend, I ask her if she wants to hang out with me and her best friend and she says it’s not a good day, and turns off her phone and immediately goes and hangs out with Troy (I drive by her house in the morning and her car is gone). All she can say to me is “I can’t do this anymore I’m in too bad of a place and I can’t drag you down with me”. I tell her we can’t just end a 1-1/2 year relationship through text so she eventually comes over to talk and get her things. She tells me she needs to be alone and can’t be with anyone because she has never been alone and that she needs to get better. I ask her if she had sex with him and she says yes and it tears through me. All she can do is smile at me and barely even says sorry. I tell the mom that she is thinking of cutting herself because it would be irresponsible of me not to and I tell her about Troy because she hates him with a passion and because he is bad for her and will make her worse. I then discover that she is hanging out with him and dating him. I’m very torn up that she would do this to me, especially after telling me how bad he was for her and how much she loved me. She constantly complained about it was all him in the relationship, but this time for me it was all her because all I could do was offer my love, empathy, sympathy, money, and got this in return. Confusingly enough she tells me when we talked that she needs to do things for herself because she is always doing things for others. Interestingly enough she also rips my heart out on the day that I am having a huge Halloween party that all of her friends are going to and that she can’t. She also doesn’t bring the proper equipment to pick up her bike and says she will get it later. Is this bipolar or is she really just a bad person? Is this typical behavior for a depressed bipolar person? I’m also so confused because of her compulsive lying I don’t know what is real. Additionally Troy is depressed and tried to kill himself by driving his car off the road 2 weeks ago which makes it an even more volatile situation for them.
CptSaveAho Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 (edited) The simplest lesson you need to learn from all of this nonsense.... Its ridiculous how many of you people fall for this . This even happens all over these forums. People come in here say they are over their ex and then say how their ex makes them feel...... Durrrrr! (you fooled me) If someone talks about an EX to you, they are NOT over their EX You essentially are me in disguise when you sit there and listen to someone talk about their ex... read my user name... that is/was you Next time, kick a person to the curb if they talk about their ex Edited November 12, 2012 by CptSaveAho
Allumere Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 Long story short. It can be very difficult at times to determine which behavior is the person and which is the result of the mood disorder. In short, her BP is not being managed right now and as a result her actions are driven by impulse whether manic or depressed. My recommendation at this point is to step away. Why? Because you can't fix her and you need to put your emotional well-being first. If you don't, this rollar coaster ride will continue and unlike the real amusement version, this one doesn't stop...it just keeps going around in circles. She needs to be under regular doctors care to include medication adjustments and theraphy. BP is tough as it comes in a lot of different forms and can be further complicated by other mood disorders (i.e., anxiety). She needs to also take care of herself. Stick to a schedule, minimize stress, 8 hours of sleep, exercise, NO ALCOHOL, no caffiene etc., etc.) Hey, I have friends with different presentations of BP and they are awesome people and work their ass off taking care of themselves/being self aware. Not easy at all but they know the damage done to others/to themselves when things get out of wake. I have 10 years experience being married to someone with BP disorder, trust me I could write a book. He didn't take care of himself and bad things happened. Needless to say we are no longer married. Listen, yo may care for her but seriously, this is her problem to tackle and until she has things better managed, she is just going to drag you down. She is not your responsibility either so knock that guilt right off your plate now. Care for her, send good vibes but do it from a distance!
JamesM Posted November 12, 2012 Posted November 12, 2012 It doesn't really matter WHY she cheated on you and Troy and who knows who else. The bipolar disease is an insidious one that sneaks into all parts of life if not under control. Meanness also sneaks into all parts of life. Mental illness can control someone. But.... What matters is that she DID cheat and hurt you...and will do it again. This will happen again and again and again.... You cannot rescue her. Repeat. You cannot rescue her. Please do yourself a favor and move on. Please do not succumb to her future emails or texts that say she wants you back. Please do not think you can make a difference in her life if she does not want to change. Please. She has hurt you and will do it again.
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