I don't know ...

[saskwatch00]

Ok so bare with me here guys, i'm new and feeling pretty lost so this may be a bit rambly but I'll try to have it make sense.

 

Some background:

I'm not really great with relationships, I'm 27 and just in my 3rd one at the moment, the other 2 I was the one who was dumped, in them I always felt like I was the one who was more into the girl than she was into me, so in some ways I never was the one with the power in a relationship, so to speak.

 

So I met this girl about 7 months ago and we started out as friends but only saw each other sparingly, 3 months ago we ended up spending more time together and became more physical. We found we had lots in common, and not to be putting myself down much but I'm just a pretty average looking guy, she however is absolutely stunning, I just don't get girls like that, people that see us must think that old line of "wow that guy must be loaded" ... so I think I may have gotten ahead of myself in that I couldn't believe this gorgeous, intelligent girl who I had all these things in common with actually liked me back. So I took the plunge and asked her out and she said yes and we've been together about 3 months now.

 

Why I say I may have gotten ahead of myself is that as time has gone on I feel the spark on my end has dimmed. The things I thought we had in common only seem to be on a pretty one dimensional level, like, we both may like the same thing but I find it hard to get into a deep conversation about it with her. I feel in general that I'm really struggling to keep the conversations flowing, I just feel i find myself stretching for things to say too often.

She is quite shy and I feel a little socially awkward, she is younger than me (im 27 she's 21) but I never saw that as an initial problem, I'd never have guessed she was that young to begin with as she is extremely mature ... but I'm seeing now in some ways maybe there is a difference, I see quite a bit of myself at that age in her.

I find it really hard to integrate her in with my friends ... not that I've trying to push it or force her into a new circle, but when I do catch up with friends and she is there she is very shy and reserved and doesn't say much which I think my friends find a bit uncomfortable in that they don't quite know how to take her and feel pretty awkward. Not that I'm a great comedian but I am finding her a lot less funny than I first remember, our sense of humours don't really match up and I guess in a lot of ways I find her quite boring, and I hate saying that.

 

The main question I ask myself now is - if we weren't a couple, would we be really great friends? And I just don't think we would, to me a girlfriend should also be a best mate, a running partner, a partner in crime and all of those cliches. Someone I can banter with and feel like they're a mate as well as a lover.

 

What makes this really hard is that she is really into me, all of the negative points I came up with there would probably surprise her. She seems totally at ease with our long silences, she seems to be quite happy with the fact we like so many similar things ... she doesnt seem to take notice that any of these similar things can't be discussed at length before the conversation just seems to fizzle. For example if we like a common band, she is quite happy to say "oh its great we both love this band" but if I try to actually get into a proper conversation with her about said band, I just feel like I can't get far.

In some ways I wonder whether she is so caught up in the idea that she is in a relationship and she's loving that that she can't see its not all that great? Like she has been with younger guys who have used her before and suddenly im this older, more mature, head screwed on guy that she really has latched onto and loves the idea of being with, she loves to tell her friends how much we have in common and how it just seems to be.

But I don't think she's kidding herself, I think she really believes it's working .. maybe, I don't know.

 

The thing I'm struggling with though is that she is just so sweet, she has a heart of gold and is really good to me. I know this is a girl who I'd never have to worry about her being unfaithful, in some ways even through all this, I've never had a girl treat me this well, and on top of that, the type of girl I never thought I'd be with. I don't want to hurt her or break her heart, and the fact that I'm still conflicted with whether to end it or not tells me that there is something still there, i've heard people say don't end it unless you 100% know for sure and can stay strong and follow through with it, but I just don't know. But she is so sweet that she also doesn't deserve to be with someone who can't offer themselves 100% to her, she deserves better, but I don't know how to bring that up with her because I'm convinced she believes this is the best she's ever had compared to other relationships she's been in.

We have all these little cutesy couple type in jokes that you generally have, and its things like that which make me think if I say anything it's just going to completely blind side her... if she was feeling it wasn't quite working too maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but she's on cloud 9 right now and I don't know how to do it to her.

I don't know if I should do it to her ... maybe it just needs more time? Or maybe more time will make it worse and harder?

Its like she is extremely naive about what a good relationship is, and she believes she's found it.

 

I've never been the one to end a relationship ... how do I even begin doing it? And Should I even? as I say, in some ways I've never been with a girl that's been so good to me, we've never had a fight, she's very supportive of things I want to do, she overlooks so many of my flaws that other girls have not handled well ... in a lot of ways I'm really lucky to have her, not every guy I know has a girl this into them ... its weird as I say I've always been the one who likes the them more than they like me, but it's starting to feel like its the other way around here and for a girl like this who when I first met I didn't even think she'd give me a second look .. its a bit mind blowing to me.

 

So as the thread title says, I don't know what to do?

 

Sorry about the essay guys!