After the first online date that seemed to go well, initiate or wait for contact?

[curlygirl40]

Howdy!!

 

This situation is played out over and over with on line dating. Wondering what you all do.

 

 

Guy e-mails me online. We go back and forth about 4 times. We exchange numbers, he calls we have a chat. He calls again 2 days later, we chat again. We make plans for Saturday night drinks. It's a week between our first convo and the day we have plans. We text almost every day from the day we exchange numbers til the date. Very quickly just 'hope you had a good day, just wanted to say hi' type of texts. He initiated most of them, I always responded cheerfully.

 

O.K, so the date. We meet for drinks. It seems to go well but he's VERY hard to read. I would be interested in seeing him again. I have no clue if he feels the same. None. There were a couple of good signs then a couple of bad signs. He touched me on my arm and my leg quickly, he was telling a story about his mom and joked about 'if you meet her, you'll see', things like that. But then his body language was telling me he wasn't interested. Strange, hard to read.

 

When I get home I send him a text and thank him for the drink, tell him I had a good time and it was nice to meet him. He texts me right back and says he had a good time too and to sleep well.

 

Soooooo.

 

What to do now? Do I just wait and if I don't hear assume he's not interested?

 

Usually I would wait about a day or two, and if I didn't hear from him I might send him a quick 'hope you're having a good week' type of text mid week.

 

However since he texted me daily for a week prior to the date, if I don't hear from him today I would assume he wasn't interested. BUT for all I know he's not sure how I feel either and afraid to reach out? Do guys do that?

 

I know there's a lot of threads and talk lately about girls initiating and why we don't (I started one of those actually).

 

It's just so confusing because without completely putting myself out there I would like to let him know I'm interested. But yet I don't want to appear desperate either. Is there a balance??

 

I would like to be cool. LOL

 

So what do you do? Guys and girls? Do you reach out or do you wait?

[Kamille]

You're definitely over thinking this.

 

Go to the gym. Bake a cake. Go hang out with your nephews. Do something that will help you stop over analyzing this.

 

Then give him a few days. He might not contact today for a myriad reasons, one being not wanting to appear pushy. Or move too fast. Or lose his balance.

 

If he hasn't written by Wednesday, come back here and we' ll all indulge in over analysis.

[FitChick]

Wait for him to suggest another date. Men who are interested will ask you out. He is probably dating others, so if he doesn't find someone he likes as much or better than you, you will probably hear from him again. Meanwhile, you should be setting up other dates so you will be more relaxed if and when he calls. Good luck!

[curlygirl40]

I'm not overthinking in that way, where I'm obsessing and waiting by the phone. No way. I know the post and the length of the post might say otherwise but I was just wondering how you all play this.

 

I usually just go with the flow and take things as they come. If he asks again, I'll go type of thing. I have a second date this week with another guy who I'm also interested in and I had a second date last Friday night with a guy who I think is just going to be a friend (that seems to be the way it's going).

 

I usually don't date more than one at a time but I have just started to do that until the subject of sex or exclusivity comes up.

 

So I wasn't as interested in 'what do you think about this guy, does he liiikkee meeee!!!???' as much as I was curious how you all play this after that first date when it's not obvious if the other person is interested.

 

Some girls will NEVER reach out. Some will reach out just once to make sure the guy knows she's interested and then some girls will chase.

 

Just curious.

 

Thanks!!